Jacob wasn't sure who had pulled away first, but he now found himself on the couch. Edward was gone and he wasn't ready to face everybody. He was hiding in Carlisle's study. He was sure that everyone had heard what had transpired between him and Edward. His cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the thought. He had practically threatened to kill himself and Edward had begged for him to stay. They must have been an earful. He wondered how Edward was dealing with it. Unlike Jacob, he had to be out there with his girlfriend after having kissed his girlfriend's best friend.
What the hell did that say about me? Jacob thought
Bella still considered him her best friend. Yet, here he was making-out with her boyfriend behind her back. If he didn't feel like scum before, he did now. He felt worse than before and he couldn't bring himself to see her. How could he face her? She already knew about the first kiss, but if she knew about this one, there was no way she would let that slide. She could easily force Edward to never see him again and he would oblige. The scenario made Jacob tremble with fear, but he forced himself to take in deep breaths.
Isn't that what I wanted, though? Jacob thought frustrated.
With Edward unable to see him, he could easily just drift off. Edward would be happy with Bella. It pained Jacob to realize that he couldn't make him happy. His whole purpose was to make Edward content and if that meant his departure, he would do it.
As much as the idea appealed to him though, he had made a promise to Edward. He was going to stay. So, unless Edward personally told him to leave, he wasn't going anywhere, even if Bella deemed it so.
Speaking of the devil Jacob thought as a soft knock echoed in the study.
"Jacob, it's me Bella. Can I come in?" Her quiet voice asked
"Yeah" Jacob replied equally as quiet.
Bella stepped in closing the door behind her. Jacob had heard her standing outside the door for a while now. She had been contemplating on knocking or simply leaving. A couple of times she had walked up to the door just to simply walk away.
"Edward told me everything" She stated
"I know" Jacob said unable to look at her.
"Why did you do that? Why did you have to kiss him?" She accused
"He kissed me back" Jacob said
"Of course he did! You're abusing this imprint thing. You guys are bonded and of course there would be temptation. Don't try to make this into something. He doesn't see you that way. Do you not see how much you're hurting him!?" She pleaded
"I know" Jacob said cringing at her words.
"No! You don't know! If you did, you wouldn't do it. Jacob, he loves me. Stop trying to take him away from me" She said
"I love him" Jacob said
"How can you say that? You don't even know him! I love him. I know him. Don't think that because you imprinted on him, you have some weird wolf claim on him. You don't" She said
"I know that. I'm not going to fight you for him" Jacob said trying not to break down.
"Then why are you doing this? Do you not care about me!? You literally just kissed him, again! How do you think I feel? I can't trust you" She said
"I know, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry that I destroyed your trust in me. We'll only meet when we're with other people. We'll never be alone. That's all I can do" Jacob said finally looking at Bella, his turn to plead.
"I can't. You lied to me. You told me that you didn't feel anything for him. I cried and begged you not to take him from me and you lied straight to my face. How can you... I can't" She said shaking her head.
"I'm sorry. I won't be able to apologize enough. I haven't taken him from you. He chose you" He said
"He's made his choice, then leave" She said almost demanding.
"I can't. He asked me to stay and I will do as he says" Jacob said
"You're abusing the imprint! He doesn't want you! Do you think he would still want you around if it wasn't for this imprint thing?! Would you want him around!?" She demanded
"The imprint goes both ways. My absence will affect him just the same as it will me" He said
"This isn't fair! Why did you have to ruin everything?! I'm trying really hard not to lose it here, but it's so damn hard! I'm his wife, damn it!" Bella screamed as she stomped her foot in frustration.
Jacob didn't know how to react to the news. His heart seemed to physically sink to the ground and he clutched at it desperately. His head was swirling as he fought to control his breathing. Bella looked on unaffected by his actions.
"I'm not his wife yet, but he asked me to marry him. I have to be turned into a vampire or the Volturi will kill me. Jacob, I'm going to be with him forever" She clarified
Her becoming a vampire wasn't news to him. Yet, her words stung more. Edward had proposed to her; asked her to be his wife. He truly loved this girl and for the first time, Jacob found himself hating her. Whatever love he had for her, was gone. Hatred and Jealousy took it's place as Jacob looked at her with furious eyes.
"Stop it" Rosalie said sternly.
"What?" Both Bella and Jacob said at the same time.
"There is not reason to rub it in his face. You don't have to be nasty to him" Rosalie said
"I wasn't being mean to him. I'm simply letting him know his place, so he won't get his hopes up" Bella said defending herself.
"Look, I don't think Edward will appreciate hearing that you tried to chase his pup away when he comes back" Rosalie threatened
"I wasn't... I didn't..." Bella stammered trying to say something, but had no excuse.
"I see right through you, Bella. You denied my brother's proposal, yet you rub it in Jacob's face? Even so, he chose you. Be happy with that. Why taunt him? Cause I'm pretty sure it's you; you're trying to reassure" Rosalie said
"I'm sorry" Bella simply said lowering her head.
"Alice is waiting for you outside. She will drive you home" Rosalie ordered opening the door.
"Jake, I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me" Bella said sniffling as she walked to the door stopping to look at him.
Jacob cringed at the use of his nickname. She had referred to him as Jacob the whole time. He refused to look at her as he held back his own tears. He could tell she was on the verge of her own.
"Just go" Rosalie said
Bella simply let out a small cry and walked out. Rosalie closed the door behind her and took a seat next to a visibly distraught Jacob.
"Does everyone hate me?" Jacob asked unable to control his tears.
"On the contrary, everyone can't wait to come console you" Rosalie said
"Yeah right. I basically tried to steal my best friend's boyfriend"
"She hasn't been that great of a best friend to you"
"Like I have?" Jacob said scoffing.
"Stop trying to defend her! Edward told her everything and begged for her not to leave him. Yet, she comes here and makes you feel like scum? That's not right. She had no right to come and belittle you" Rosalie said coming to his defense.
"I kissed her boyfriend" Jacob said weakly
"Last time I checked, his dumb-ass kissed you, too" Rosalie said sternly
"No 'I guess'. He's not some weakling, okay? He could have easily pushed you away or tore you to pieces if he didn't want it. Sure, it has to do with this imprint shit, but it doesn't change the fact that this is real now" Rosalie said
Jacob contemplated her words for a minute. She was right. Even if this whole mess had been brought up by the imprint, that didn't change the fact that this was real. Now, his feelings for Edward are that of love and compassion. He would give his life to make Edward happy. He was his life now. As much as both boys despised the idea, there wasn't anything that could be done about it. They were bonded for life.
"Rosalie" Jacob said shyly
"Thank you" Jacob said wiping the last of his tears.
"Come on, everyone is worried sick about you" Rosalie said standing up.
She stretched out her hand and Jacob gladly took it.
The rest of the barbecue had been awkward. Jacob was just glad it was done with and that they wouldn't have to do anything like that again. Maybe some time in the near, far away future, but not any time soon. He was happy to be back in the safe confines of his home; the res.
He forced himself to simply put everything past him. He knew he had made a mistake with Edward. If he simply wanted a friendship, then that was what he was going to give him. No matter how much Jacob wanted to fight against it, he would do as Edward wanted. He hadn't heard from him since the day of the barbecue While many times he looked at his phone and was tempted to dial his number, he shoved it back into his pocket every time. It had been a week already and he was dying to know about him.
"Staring at it won't make it dial itself" Seth said casually as he spun around in Jacob's computer chair.
"Shit" Jacob simply said shoving it back in his pocket.
"I can call him for you if you want" Seth offered
"No. I'm pretty sure he's fine. Something tells me he's fine" Jacob said sighing as he fell back on his bed.
"Man, I bet Edward is the same way" Seth said
"Yeah, I wish" Jacob spat, interlocking his hands behind his head.
"We should go out" Seth suggested, but Jacob simply shook his head, "You can't just lay around here. Do you want Sam or Leah on your ass again?" Seth argued
"No..." Jacob said giving in as he sighed.
"Do you want to go down to the beach? Some of the guys are there already" Seth said
"I don't want to be around people right now. You can go. I'll figure out something to do" Jacob said sitting up.
"Are you sure?" Seth said questioning
"Yes. You've been here since the morning. I think I can manage without you" Jacob said chuckling
"Okay. You're not patrolling tonight, right?" Seth asked as he got up.
"Nope" Jacob answered as he sat up.
"Oh, yeah. You're still off, right?" Seth asked
"Yup. Sam wants to make sure I'm well before shifting again. Even though I've told him that I feel fine" Jacob said groaning
"Well, prove to him that you're fine. Go out, have fun" Seth encouraged
And with that, he was gone.
Jacob was relieved, but he was suddenly feeling lonely. His father was on another fishing trip with Charlie. This was the first time in a while that he was actually alone at his home during the day. He sighed looking around his room. He wasn't sure what to do. He didn't want to spend his time with his friends when he really wanted to be with Edward. Without his friends, Jacob had nothing to do. He was beginning to feel pitiful as he stood up stretching. If he wasn't doing his patrolling or anything with his friends, he had nothing. Suddenly, he had a bigger sense of wanting to do something.
He put on his jacket and slipped on his shoes. He had not particular destination, but he simply walked. He walked into the woods, admiring the wilderness around him. He wished to be able to phase, but Sam had prohibited it. He touched a near by tree, admiring it's unique patterns. He imagined his hand melting into the tree trunk and becoming part of nature. His body welcomed the tranquil feeling as he imagined himself tall as the tree. Soaring in the sky with his leaves fluttering through the wind. The sky creating a blanket around him.
His body began to feel heavy as he pushed away from the tree and began walking. He strutted; almost skipped, which he found amusing. It was barely noon and the sun was up above him with the clouds blocking it's rays. The wind whistled passed him and he didn't shiver as the trees rustled next to him. It was a cold day, but he was warm. He heard the small creatures scurrying to find shelter from the harsh winds. Jacob knew where he was walking to before he broke through the tree line.
He stood at the treaty line where he had met Edward. The last time they had been here, he ran out on him. He casually walked over to the boulder and took a seat. He lifted his legs and pressed them against his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. He looked at the gray sky and wished it was night time already. He wanted to see the moon and the stars. He preferred the night sky. He leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. Even though he didn't intend to, he fell asleep.
The bright Sun was beating down on me. My skin was soaking up the hot rays despite my body sweating. I heaved, tired of breathing in hot air. I was feeling like I was suffocating as I ran my hand through my hair. I was parched and kept licking my lips. Then, as quickly as I felt the despair, I was suddenly feeling content. Cold arms pressed me against a cold chest. I sighed with relief, welcoming in the coolness. It was soaked in through my pores and I pressed myself closer into their chest. I was so content, that it felt disgusting.
My tears began to fall almost instantly as I clutched the cold arms desperately. This was only a dream. Edward would never do this. I would never feel this, something so simple. I closed my eyes tightly not wanting to see what would never be. He pressed his cold lips on my neck. The shivers ran all the way through my bones. A strangled moan escaped me as he nibbled at my shoulder. He palmed my chest trying to create friction between us. He wanted me. Is this truly what I wanted? I had never thought about things going this far between us. It was unavoidable, wasn't it? I let out a rough breath as one of his hands strayed to my hip. His fingers teased the top of my jeans.
I felt his chuckle rumble through his chest on my back. His other hand carefully slipped under my shirt as he continued to tease me. This was a dream, but God! Did I want this so badly.
The howling jolted Jacob awake. He recognized them as those from his pack members. He glared at his now darkened surroundings. He groggily pulled out his phone and saw it was just past dinner time. He knew he should go home, but this is what he was waiting for. He looked up at the now appearing stars and Moon that replaced the Sun. He laid back down and admired the night sky. There was a mystery in the dark horizon that attracted Jacob to it. He wondered about the endless possibilities as he tried to look at each star. Some of those stars could be distant planets and that alone made Jacob's mind wonder.
He hazily remembered his dream. He rubbed his bulge trying to put it back in place. He leaned back down not wanting to do anything. He was content with simply imagining as he tried to remember his dream. He vaguely remembered cold hands on his warm chest and he sighed at the memory. He wondered if that was something he wanted in real life. He tried to imagine Edward in a sexual way, but it seemed wrong. It felt like he was violating him in a way and he didn't like it.
"I see you can respect me in ways" Edward's voice rang through the darkness.
Jacob sat up looking for Edward. He didn't have to look far, he stood just on the other side of the treaty line. Jacob smiled at the sight of him, but stayed in his spot. Edward eyed him for a while and then made his way over to him, still staying on his side.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you here?" Jacob asked
"I actually came across you. Decided to take the time to talk. We need to talk" Edward said
"I know" Jacob said sighing as he straightened up.
"I heard about your conversation with Bella. I'm not trying to defend her actions, but please don't be mad at her. You have to put yourself in her shoes. What would you have done?" Edward asked
"I'm not mad at her. You don't need to come and defend her honor... or whatever you're trying to do" Jacob said leaping from the rock to his feet, onto Cullen's land. He had already gotten confirmation from Carlisle that he was allowed whenever he wanted. Edward didn't flinch as Jacob stood only a couple of feet away from him. Jacob was angered by Edward's righteous behavior.
"I'm not. In fact me and Bella have had some problems over that actually" Edward said
"You have?" Jacob asked surprised
"While I understand her actions, I don't agree with them" Edward explained
"Oh, I see" Jacob said awkwardly as he rocked on his heels, not knowing what to say.
They remained quiet. Jacob knew that there was something on Edward's mind, but he didn't say anything. Instead he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at the ground. Edward stood still looking at him, but remained thoughtful. Jacob wanted to hear what he had to say, but he waited for him to say it. The air seemed to get thick around them. There was a tingling sensation crawling up Jacob's arms and his head shot up to look at Edward. He looked just as uncomfortable and Jacob knew he was feeling the same thing. His body tugged, wanting to get closer to Edward, but he planted his feet. He didn't want to push Edward.
"We got into a fight..." Edward finally said
"You did?" Jacob said worried
"It was about what she told you. There was something about the way that she talked to you that bothered me. She didn't quite understand and we ended up fighting" He explained
"What bothered you?" Jacob asked
"Her words held truth. She has a claim on me because I love her, but she rubbed it in your face. I would have never expected her to be vindictive. She told you that she was my wife when she had not accepted my proposal. I think that is where I was bothered. I didn't quite understand her reasoning in saying that. I had chosen her! Yet, she finds it necessary to add more fuel to the fire. I feel like her accepting my proposal was to get a tighter hold on me, which is crazy. I was right there in her grasp and suddenly, I felt like it was too tight. I wanted her to be with me because she wanted to, not because she had to..." Edward ranted huffing out of frustration.
He had began to pace and Jacob had been carefully watching him. He felt like Edward was about to explode and so he remained silent.
"I feel like I'm a thing for her now. She was set against not marrying me and now, it's all good? That's why we fought. I asked her why she wanted to marry now and she had no real answer! She made me feel like I was nothing. She babbled for an answer. It was a mixture of loving me, being with me and making sure I was hers. All she had to say was because she wanted to be with me... and she didn't" He finally said sighing
Jacob knew all his gestures where unnecessary, but he let him huff about. He ran his hands through his already tussled hair, groaning with every step. He wanted to make him stop pacing, but he held his ground. He didn't want to interrupt Edward's rant.
"When I called her out on it; she quickly back tracked. By that point, I had enough already. I was frustrated and beyond hurt. This is the woman I want to be with and she couldn't even tell me the same thing. I knew then that I had to get out of this before it became more complicated. I didn't want to drive us into a deeper hole... She didn't understand why I was doing it, but I had to. I needed a break" Edward said slowing doing to a normal speech pattern instead of his earlier aggressive tone.
Jacob looked dumbfounded as Edward looked at him for any type of reaction. Jacob couldn't comprehend what he had just been told. It took him a while before he actually took in Edward's words. He tried not to smile as his heart began to beat erratically. He felt like he was on top of a roller coaster about to plunge down the first dip. His breath was caught in this throat and so, he had to cough awkwardly before answering.
"A break?" Jacob finally said after he found his voice.
"Yeah. I just need time to think... about her and... us" Edward said looking at Jacob sternly.
"Us?" Jacob questioned, feeling butterflies in his stomach.
"Jake, I don't know. We've kissed twice. That means I have cheated on Bella twice. I cheated on the woman that I love! Yet, despite me regretting it, it didn't feel wrong. I wasn't totally put off by it. A part of me enjoyed it... as if I needed it. I just feel so vulnerable when it comes to you and I don't understand. It scares me" Edward admitted
"No. I've never felt like this before. I feel like I can lose control with you. Like I can just do as I please and a part of me wants to do that... to dominate you. I don't understand it. Even when I was controlling myself around Bella, be it because of her scent or physically, this feels different. And to top it off, you're a guy... a kid at that! It just feels so wrong and... confusing! Look at me! I don't even know what to say! That's how frazzled I am by all of this" Edward finally said
"Can I say something now?" Jacob asked
"Jake..." Edward warned
"Okay, Okay" Jacob said holding up his hands.
This was no time to joke around, he knew that. It was Jacob's turn to say something. He took in a deep breath trying to phrase his words before speaking. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He wanted to let Edward know everything from his side. More importantly he wanted to take Edward into consideration. He didn't want to corner him or make him feel cornered ever again. He needed to let Edward know that he was willing to give him space; that he truly cared about him.
"To be honest, I don't know what to say. I am as confused as you are by this whole thing. One minute, I was madly in love with Bella and the next... I'm in love with you. I know it sounds crazy, but I know that's what I'm feeling. I don't particularly like it either, but I don't fret about it. I guess my wolf has accepted it without any trouble. I think I had loved you from the beginning, but I tried to deny it. It just seemed so unnatural, aside from the whole male thing. You're a vampire! My enemy... How could I easily accept that? I couldn't. Now, everything I do is because of you. If you need me to stay away, I will. I want what's best for you because making you happy is my priority now" Jacob said hoping it wasn't too much for Edward to handle.
"Jacob, I know your words are supposed to bring me comfort, but they don't. It just makes it worse. I don't feel that way about you. I just feel like I am giving in to a barbaric side of me when it comes to you. That side isn't me. This isn't me" Edward replied
"I'm not asking anything of you. I'm letting you know that if you want me to stay away, I will. There is no pressure. I know where your true wants lie and those are with Bella. You guys are having a hard time, I get it, but I'm not going to use that to my advantage. Edward, I'm sorry for what I did back at your house. I should have never put you in that situation. I realize now that the imprinting affects you as much as it does me and believe me when I say, I will never put you in that situation again" Jacob said feeling extremely sympathetic.
"I see. Jake, sometimes you surprise me with your maturity. I forget that you're just sixteen..." Edward said and grimaced slightly at the mention of his age.
"I'll be seventeen at the end of May" Jacob corrected
"Jake, I'm over a hundred years old, which ever way you see it; it's still wrong" Edward said shaking his head.
"Then why are you with Bella if age is such a problem?" Jacob asked bitterly
"Because I always assumed I would watch her grow old. Bella obviously had a different idea. Now there is no choice, we have to because of the Volturi" Edward answered
"You're lucky you're my imprint. If it wasn't for that, I'm pretty sure Sam would have your head and your family's for turning Bella. You guys are technically breaking the treaty" Jacob informed him almost sulking.
"We know. We were planning on doing out of here. There is nothing against that" Edward answered
Jacob held back a growl as he glared at the ground. He was suddenly feeling jealous, but he vowed to put his feelings aside when it came to Edward. Instead, he let out a small breath before turning back to Edward.
"So... that means that despite your break, she will have to become one of you guys? Wouldn't that be awkward for you?" Jacob asked
"I don't want to get too much into that. I don't like to assume, but yes, she still has to become one of us. If not, the Volturi will kill her and my family for falling back on our promise" Edward answered
"Kill you?!" Jacob asked panicked.
"Relax, that won't happen. If it were to go down that way, I'm pretty sure they would negotiate something with us. Alice and I have gifts that they want. They would probably wants us to exchange ourselves on behalf of letting our family live" Edward said
"So, they've recruited you guys before?" Jacob asked
"Aro has made it known in the past that I interest him. He has only recently become aware of Alice's gift and so, that intrigues him as well. We have refused of course and he can't do anything about it" He said
"Aro? Who is that?" Jacob asked worried
"The leader. Do not worry about them. Like I said, that is not going to happen. Bella will be turned" Edward said not too happy.
"You really don't want to turn her... do you?" Jacob asked noticing his demeanor of disgust at the mention of changing her.
"No, of course not. I would want her to have a normal, human, life. Despite that though, I have realized I can't be without her. My heart and morals are conflicted, but I would have caved in to her wants even if Aro had not asked of it" Edward said
"I see..." Jacob said awkwardly, not wanting to complain.
"I'm sorry, this must be hard for you..." Edward said apologetically
"Don't be. This is what I want. I want to show you that I can be whatever you want. We can be friends" Jacob said offering a small, tentative, smile.
"It does feel nice to talk to someone... a friend" Edward said
"Really?" Jacob asked excited
"Yeah. I have enjoyed your company" He said
"I like hanging out with you, too" Jacob said
"Likewise" Edward simply said
Jacob blushed deeply. As much as he wanted to push his feelings away, they still crept up on him. He was swooning at Edward's simple words. He bit on his bottom lip feeling overwhelmed by his emotions. A part of him wanted to pull Edward into an embrace and have his way with him while another part of him wanted to simply bask in his presence. He liked feeling that Edward was there, it made him feel content. He knew then that they could co-exist like this. He knew that if this was all that Edward could offer, he would take it.
"Maybe, we could try meeting up more often. I would really like to get to know you more" Jacob offered
"I would like that. You have sparked an interest in me" Edward answered
"We could try doing things, instead of meeting at night like this. If you feel comfortable. You don't have to if you don't want to" Jacob said nervously causing Edward to chuckle.
"We could try. Where would you like to go?" Edward asked
"You can decide. I don't go out much besides the beach here and you're not allowed on our land" Jacob said
"I know. Sam made it pretty clear when I came over here that it was a one time thing" Edward said
"I know. It's stupid, but whatever. I don't really think it affects us. It's not like there is anything to do here" Jacob said
"We'll figure out something to do" Edward offered
"Well, I should really get going and you should, too. It's already late" Edward said
Jacob pulled out his phone from his pocket and gagged at the sight of the time. They had already been out here for a good amount of time. It didn't feel like it to him and as much as he wanted to refuse, he knew he should get home. He didn't want his time to end with Edward, though. He sighed knowing there was nothing he could do about it.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Jacob suggested
"Yeah. What time would be best for you?" Edward asked
"Any. I'm not patrolling right now"
"I have school, but I'm done by three. I'll see you then?" He asked
"Okay. Do you want to meet here?... or..."
"We'll meet here" Edward said
Jacob was a little disappointed that they wouldn't go anywhere, but at least he was going to see him again.
"Okay..." He said
"Well, see you later. Good night, Jacob" Edward said
"Uh... Yeah, good night" Jacob answered back blushing.
Edward took his leave then. In seconds, Jacob stood alone, but he didn't feel like it. His cheeks flamed with heat. Edward's 'Good night' had him swooning over him once again. Jacob forced his legs back over to his land instead of following the vampire. His heart felt heavy as he walked away. It was a good kind of heavy; the kind like when you stuffed your belly in a good way. He felt full. His heart beat with content as his butterflies began to dwindle. The cold air did little to cool him down.
Jacob was too high right now to be blown down.
A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you guys think. I tried to move past the angst even though it's not all completely gone. There will be more...
Anyways, I took some liberties with Jacob's birthday. I looked up his bio in 'twilightlexicon' to see his birthday, but it simply said 1990. I know I didn't mention it in the chapter, but I have made his birthday to be in May 31, 1990. I thought it fit perfectly in the eclipse timeline.
Another thing I wanted to touch up on was what I asked you guys last chapter, about an Edward POV. I didn't get any feedback on that... So, I'm assuming a 'No' on that? If I'm wrong then let me know. I would like to hear from you guys :)
I'm surprised I put out another chapter so fast! The creativity juices just hit me hardcore this chapter. Two chapters in ONE month! As you guys know, I write as I go. I hope to keep updates closer, but I have started school once again. My winter vacation is over! but I have enrolled in a creative writing class that I hope to use the time to add more to this story :) So, that aside, I don't plan on uploading another chapter until I edit my recent, old story that I am currently working on (Don't fret, though. I am almost done editing it!). If you guys don't know what I'm talking about, check my Bio on my profile.
Sorry! For the the long A/N. Just want to keep you guys up to date :)