A/N Don't own

It's been two months since He left. The nightmares have been preventing any sleep. I'm nauseous all the time and I barely eat these days, even Charlie is going to give up on me soon.

He has been great, trying to help me, but it was hopeless. I cannot be helped. It's slowly getting worse. But at the same time, I'm getting better. I am not hungry anymore. The cravings, the urges to eat have disappeared somewhere along the way. I've stopped tripping and stumbling. All of my clumsiness has gone. It took me a while to notice at first.

I barely leave my room these days. Even His scent can no longer get me through the night. It is not on my pillow or my sheets, not even on my rocking chair, the place where he used to sit, watching me sleep. I can't stand to see my own face.

I broke the mirror in a fit of rage. My skin was barely scratched. I wasn't even bleeding. It was just a few minutes ago, when I realised what was happening. I have a single theory. I am becoming what he was. What I wanted – no want – to be ever since I knew.

I have never been normal, but I have the feeling that I won't be normal now, either. Even when my heart stops beating. For the first time since He left I felt hope. I'm changing. The venom is coursing through my veins. James' venom. It isn't the venom that I want, but I'm changing all the same.

The broken mirror shows it to me, the cracks not hiding my newest secret. I am pale, but not like I was. I am pale like They are. My skin glitters in the sunlight that reaches my room through the window. I want to see if I'm stronger and faster, but I can't.

I would have to go into the forest, where noone can see me, but He left me there. I still can't handle going back, although I have to soon. I have realised that Charlie couldn't see me like this, but I've also realised that he wouldn't stop looking for me until the day he died.

I will have to fake my own death. It's the only way to disappear from everyone's lives. There's a storm coming tomorrow, I will park my truck by the cliff and leave a note. They will assume I jumped and drowned. And that is the moment I'll be waiting for, the moment I can leave. Through the forest being the best option. I've bought some hiking equipment, it will be useful, for I do not know how long it will take for me to change. I am leaving tonight.


Charlie's out, at work I think. I can drive my truck to the cliff easily, noone sees me on my way there. There's noone that will see me alive again, with my heart beating.

I wrote my note in advance, having thought carefully about the wording. I walk into the forest, and want to return to my truck almost immediately, but I resist the urge and go on. Memories invade my train of thought. This is the forest in which He left me. The forest where everything changed. I try running for a while and it is breathtaking, the speed, the grace, it's unfamiliar and yet instinctual.

I am not as fast as they are. I don't need to be. I run as fast as I can, leaping over trees and trunks. After a few minutes I stand on the edge of our meadow, a place that means so much to me that I can't move, thinking back. It felt like I would stand here for the rest of my life, frozen. And then it happened.

A doe, just a simple doe, runs into the meadow. I take a look at the beautiful creature. As soon as I take a breath I smell its blood. And that is when it starts. The scar on my arm, the place where James bit me, starts burning.