Gibbs sat in autopsy. There was a body on the table like always, but it wasn't just someone. This time it was one of their own, again. He just sat and stared at the body in the black body bag. He even didn't have the courage to open the bag and look at her beautiful, small, fragile and now broken body. It would make it real, but he didn't want it to feel real. He wanted to keep the memories of her as strong and passionate woman, like she was.
God knows, he is not good with goodbyes. There are so many things he could say to her – confess his love, talk about Paris... Actually he could talk about everything with her, except he has never been much of a talker. More of the listener. He preferred silence and he knew, that she didn't mind. He knew her.
The woman meant world to him in Paris and Serbia and ... She was his everything. He loved her more than... . He would have gone to hell and back for her, but when she left, he drank, cried and got married again. That simple. Except he has never been a simple man. He is difficult. Same goes for her. They were the same. Complicated. Secretive. Controversial. Silent. And the love between them was mixed with passion, feelings, need, emotion... Their selfless love. He never doubted her feelings. Not even once. When she returned, he discovered the feelings again. He was certain she did too. She still loved him. And he loved... loves her. He knew that. His love for her never faded and it will stay with him until he'll be dust. He will keep the memory of her with him and he won't let her go. Her body might be gone, but as long as she lives in his memories, she's always there with him.
There was many words he could say to her at this moment, but somehow there was only 3 words that he wanted to tell her. It's something he has never told her and actually meant it.
He stood up. His fingers found the zipper, but he didn't pull. He leaned closer to her and put his lips over her ear and whispered...
'' I'm sorry, Jen... ''
He was sorry for letting her go, not fighting for her, and last, but not least for pushing her in Paris. He saw that she was not ready to kill. Her death is his fault. He knows it and Jen knew it. He never apologized, until now. He should have said it, when she came from Svetlana and wasn't herself. When she was panicking, shaking, possibly about to cry, shutting him out and claiming to be fine. And he did nothing. He knew he should have apologized to her. But those 3 words were left unspoken.
With that he loosened the grip and let her go. That simply.
That said, a teardrop fell and he was gone.