Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers!
(Crack! starring Sideswipe, Prowl, Jazz and the ARK crew! enjoy!)
"Boring… to obvious… boring… already done… boring… got impounded… boring… boring… got trampled by Dinobots… boring…" Sideswipe sighed as he scrolled through his lists of plausible pranks on his data-pad, flopped stomach plating first on his berth, chewing on the end of his stylus in thought as he scored off another failed attempt at trying to make Red Alert fritz. Writing in the notes margin that he got a faceplate full of fire retardant foam for his efforts from a startled Inferno when he tried to sneak up on Red Alert and tripped over the fire engine's outstretched pedes as the larger mech had a powernap in a shady corner of the Security Room.
"Bumper stickers?" he asked himself with a snort "Where the hell am I going to get them without Red Alert or Prowl finding out?"
"Internet" Sunstreaker suggested looking up from his sketch pad his optics sparkling with interest "Send them to Spike's house and threaten to step on him if he squeals"
"You know Sunny, that's not a bad idea" Sideswipe grinned diabolically before activating the file. "Now let's see…"
-Outside Prowl's Office-
"Prowl?" Jazz called catching up to the Datsun as he was returning to his office, balancing a large stack of data-pads in one arm as he felt around for the key-pad, muttering uncharacteristic curses at Red Alert as he tried to see around his large pile of work.
"What is it Jazz?" the tactician grumbled at his mate "I'm kind of busy"
"I know" Jazz said with a frown placing his hands on his hips and watching as Prowl finally managed to unlock his office door and stumble into the dark room that flooded with lights at Prowl's growled order, slamming his work load onto the metal desk with a scowl. "But I need you to have a look at my aft; bots have been staring at it and snickering all day. And before you start, no, I can't just feel my aft, I already did and it feels normal"
"You… want me to look at your aft?" Prowl parroted tilting his helm quizzically "Jazz, have you been at the High Grade again?"
"No!" the saboteur protested "I swear! Please Prowler? I'll give extra snuggles!" he bribed
"Fine…" the SIC grumbled as his mate spun around.
There, plastered across Jazz's aft was a bumper sticker, boldly declaring 'Belongs to Prowl, No Touchie!' in bright red lettering with smaller text in brackets underneath it 'Offender(s) will be arrested and shot with acid pellets'
"Hmm… true" Prowl noted to himself before deciding to reassure his mate "Nothing there Jazz"
"You sure?" the TIC asked looking over his shoulder "you spent an awful long time looking"
"I wanted to appreciate the view" Prowl said stiffly turning to his work "Now, shoo, and you owe me extra hugs tonight"
"Okay" Jazz agreed with a bright grin tossing his mate a wave over his shoulder as he left the Datsun's office "See ya later Prowler!"
-Supply Deck, Corridor 4-
"Sideswipe" Prowl rumbled catching the red Lambo as he crept down the hall a long white sticker in hand as he tried to stalk Inferno down the corridor.
The red bane of his existence squeaked and hurriedly put his servo's behind his back as the black and white Praxian approached "Prowl!" Sideswipe smiled innocently "What can I do for you sir?"
"Drop the act" the tactician snorted "this is your idea correct?"
"Yes sir" Sideswipe sulked letting his servos drop to his sides "I'll go put myself in the brig"
"No, I didn't say to put yourself in the brig" Prowl smiled, an evil polished smile from his youngling days "I want in"
"What?" the red twin almost shrieked
"I want a go" the Praxian repeated slowly, as if he was talking to a sparkling "I get to stick one on Prime, you can do the rest of the crew, get out of brig free card included, if you do not put one of those things on me"
The Lambo twin grinned and drawled "My, my Prowl, whatever would the crew think?"
"That it's your fault" Prowl drawled back with a smile "It normally always is after all"
Jazz snickered as he passed Hound on his jaunt to the Rec-Room, the words 'My lover disappears half the time because he can… I'm looking for him right now' in neon green on a large sticker somehow plastered across his shoulder plating. "He's in the training room Hound!" he called back as the Holographer gave him a look of bewilderment.
"You're the fifth mech to say that" the green mech pondered even as his optics flickered down to Jazz's aft "Is everybody psychic today?"
"I have a feeling Prowl was lying when he said there was nothing on my aft" Jazz grumbled as he turned into the Rec-Room for his afternoon energon. "And Sunstreaker stole my mirror too…"
"Hi Jazz!" Bluestreak chirped trotting over to the TIC as he slumped into a chair "How are you today?"
"I'm fine Blue" Jazz grinned in return sipping at his energon, trailing over Bluestreak's sticker somehow attached to one of his doorwings, most likely by Sunstreaker as it stated 'Mine! Touch or get pummelled!' including a cartoon image of Sunstreaker frowning at the left hand side. "I see you got Stickered as well"
"Everybody has one somewhere" the youngest of the Datsun trio nodded "I thought I saw Red Alert preening over his one on Inferno, It was another declaration one, though Huffer had a mental breakdown when he saw Cliffjumper's Sticker, it said something about him being the devil reincarnate. Ratchet threw a tantrum and promptly chucked a few wrenches."
"No change there" Jazz snickered draining his cube "I've gotta go Blue, Prowler is getting off of his shift in a breem"
"Alright! See you later Jazz!" the grey mech chirped his optics reading the declaration upon Jazz's aft before giving into a fit of the giggles.
Optimus was less than pleased when he saw his own sticker placed carefully across his broad shoulder plating, having discovered his when he and Megatron were grappling on the battlefield.
'I'm a Prime who can't resist deifying the laws of death just to annoy people. Take a shot if you think I'll stay dead long enough for your world domination plan to succeed!'