Summary: At Cross Academy, a secret contest is being waged over who can make Zero laugh, er, smile (Zero doesn't laugh). When it seems no one's about to win, the pureblood steps up to the challenge-will he be able to do the impossible? T for cheesy pick up lines and yaoishness C.R.A.C.K.

Warning: T for cheesy pick up lines. Yaoi-ish.

Scarlet: I just… I don't even know. This was born from boredom and getting hit on by some idiot ( who by the way, didn't come close to being as sexy as Kaname lol)

To Make Zero Smile

by: Scarletmist

"Damn!" Aido hissed. His attempt to make that stupid prefect crack a damn smile failed again- like all his other ingenious plans. Who doesn't find pancing a serious guy like his cousin hilarious? Sure Kain didn't find it funny- nor did all his fans and Ruka, well, he was still wincing at the memory of what she'd done to make him pay for his prank. It wasn't his fault, though, even if Kain hadn't wanted to participate in the contest because he didn't want to cause Kiryu even more trouble. He had to be useful somehow, right? In any case, not even making Yuuki trip on a sliver of ice as she ran to Zero made him chuckle- hell, Hanabusa couldn't stop laughing when he heard her scream, "Hey, Zer-ah!" It was hilarious! Aido was seriously considering the notion that some people- mainly Zero Kiryu- just couldn't laugh-smile-whatever. Kiryu was just so uptight!


Hanabusa glanced up as Ruka marched over to him, a threatening scowl deforming her deceptively beautiful face as her hair flared behind her like a dragon's tail. "Don't try anything as foolish as your last attempt, idiot, or I'll skin you alive! I won't have you causing Kaname-sama trouble!"

"He's not going to do something so reckless," Rima murmured, passing by with Shiki faithfully at her side. She spared the pair an uninterested glance, as she explained, "Kaname-sama reprimanded him for it already."

"He knows?" Ruka blinked.

Aido sighed. "Things have been getting out of hand." Even he had to admit that.

"That's an understatement." Ichijou, cheerful smile ever-present, walked into their conversation. "It's been a month and everyone's been going all out in their attempts to make Kiryu laugh." Last week someone thought pulling a prank on Yuuki would make Kiryu crack a smile. Needless to say, Kaname had been very upset over it and after half an hour of that I'm-staring-a-hole-through-your-head and I'm-pissed-off aura nearly chocking him, Ichijou had caved in and revealed all to Kaname: They were having a contest to see who could make Kiryu smile.

Yuuki watched anxiously as the gate for the Night class was opened. She was well aware of the contest going on, she had insisted that no one would be able to make him smile and so far, it looked like she'd win the bet. She didn't appreciate the pranks the night class had pulled on her- why anyone thought exploding powder was funny was beyond her- and they didn't come close to making Zero smile. They worried and pissed him off. It would only last for another day and this damn contest would be over. That's why she was scared someone- Aido- would do something drastic like tackle Zero, pull off his shoes and try tickling him. Oh, she wasn't sure how Kaname-sempai and the chairman would handle a murder on school grounds!

Zero watched as the students began walking out towards the path the hordes of females around him were forced to create: His guard was extremely high today. He didn't know what was going on, but for weeks now, everyone around him was acting completely idiotic- especially this group of freaks. God, who the hell was it who had told him that joke about a nun walking into a bar… Zero sighed.

As the vampires walked out, most eyes were scanning him warily-thoughtfully- as they passed. Zero was aware of each stare, ready to take action in case anything strange happened. And then…

"Did it hurt?"

Zero blinked. The pureblood- sneaky conniving bastard, where had he come from?- was standing before him, dressed as impeccable as ever, his face as serious as it always was when his dark eyes met Zero's. He didn't look feverish, his aura didn't feel off, he seemed to be normal, but something was definitely wrong. Cautiously, Zero asked, eyeing Kaname distastefully, "Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven."

"I…what?" Did Zero hear him right? When he fell from heaven? Was that some sort of vampire insult? You know, what with them being evil creatures and all. Was it like when humans said "got to hell!"? Zero studied Kuran's face, but it alluded to nothing: His expression was as nonchalant as always.

"Do you have a map?"

Zero scowled. "Did you stand in the sun too long?"

"Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes."

What the hell? Okay, something was seriously going on! Zero looked around for someone to explain to him what was happening. Maybe someone dressed in all white would show up and hand over papers explaining that Kuran escaped from their facilities and they would be taking him back now. Unfortunately, everyone was just gaping at Kuran, their expressions similar to Zero's.

"If you were a tear in my eye-" Zero's brows furrowed as his gaze returned to the solemn-certifiable- pureblood. "-I would not cry for fear of losing you."

"Was your father a thief-?"

"Oi, Ichijou! What is Kaname-sama doing?" Aido whispered, wide eyes still focused on the magnificently wonderful most beautiful pureblood in the world.

"-because someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."

Ichijou smiled. He knew what Kaname was doing, he would bring this contest to a close, but still, he grinned at Aido. "He's confessing his love to Zero."

"Did you have lucky charms for breakfast?"

Aido looked like he was having a conniption at the thought as he watched his beloved pureblood hit on the lowly hunter.

"Because you look magically delicious."

"I think there's something wrong with my eyes, because I can't take them off of you." Kaname fought the smile on his own lips as he saw Zero's eye twitch, his body shifting slightly in discomfort. The pureblood was beginning to enjoy this in his own sadistic way as he watched Kiryu begin to squirm. "Do you know karate?" he asked, his eyes trailing down over the black uniform that fit smugly over Zero's tense figure. "Because your body is kicking."

Yuuki looked around at the Night class, who looked stunned at what was going on. She was slightly freaking out. No one had told her Kaname-sempai was involved in the game, too! Oh my god, would Zero shoot him?

"Your daddy must have been a baker because you've got a nice set of buns."

Even from this distance Yuuki saw Zero's fists bawl. Oh crap, he would! He really, really would! Where was the chairman-no,wait! He'd only make it worse!

"Do you work for UPS?" Kaname smirked, a light in his eyes now. "I could have sworn you were checking out my package."

"If I told you that you had a beautiful body," Kaname stepped closer, invading Zero's personal bubble and nearly chuckled when the prefect took a step back and then forced himself to stay put, "would you hold it against me?"

"What are you-"

"If I follow you home, would you keep me?" Kaname leaned forward, too close now, as he lowered his voice so only Zero could hear him- and those of his kind who were straining to hear every word. "Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny."

When Zero hissed and tried to back away, Kaname reached out and caught his shoulders. "Ah, so these are shoulder blades. I thought they might have been angel wings."

"What the hell are you on?" Zero demanded, ignoring the sweet fragrance of the demon holding him still.

"You must be a General," Kaname murmured, voice turning seductive, "because my privates just snapped to attention."

His what? Zero tried to pull away again: Kaname almost laughed in delight. "I wish you were my homework, so I could do you on the table."

"This shirt is very becoming on you," Kaname pressed one hand to Zero's chest, slid it down a little before Zero's hand clutched at his wrist almost desperately, "but if I were on you, I'd be coming too."

"Pervert," Zero hissed under his breath taking a step back, but before he could get too far, Kaname threw a suggestive smile at Zero. "Do you sleep on your belly at night? If not, can I?"

With a glint in his eyes, Kaname leaned in close; his lips brushing near Zero's ear so only the hunter would be able to hear his next line. A smirk tugging at his lips, Kaname wondered, "Zero, is that your gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

Zero pushed Kuran back, a look of surprise on his face. He refused to look down, absolutely refused! There was a long moment of complete silence where Zero and Kaname exchanged silent stares. Everyone was on edge, holding their breaths; those who managed to overhear the gist of Kuran's monologue were in shock, Yuuki was waiting for the gunshots, Aido was deciding whether freezing Zero's balls off would be hilarious or not, and then finally, Zero turned away with a hiss and broke the tense moment.

"Get to class, Kuran."

Just like that, the air seemed to finally return to everyone and they gratefully took a deep breath as Zero began to walk away, surprisingly merciful enough today to allow Kuran to get away with such a stunt. However, no one saw neither the twitch of his eyebrow nor the sheen in his eyes and certainly not the slight upturn to his always frowning lips. That is, no one but Kaname.

As the pureblood walked away, he wondered how much money he had won, and more importantly, whether or not Zero really was carrying his gun in his pocket, or. . .

The End

Scarlet: Ha ha. Yeah. . . Sexy Kaname and Lucky Zero. Those lines would be hot coming from Kaname, ne? :L