A/N Just a random TIVA tidbit. Had the oddest idea of Ziva discovering the shopping network.
Tony was tired. Gibbs had had him stay extra late to interview a witness to the death of a naval officer. The neighbor was hesitant to come forward, afraid they would end up dead, too. Tony had been charged with the task of getting her to talk. After traditional methods failed, he just threatened to chuck her in jail if she didn't. At 1 am he was finally able to take her statement and go home.
When he made it back to his house, he was slightly surprised to see that the living room light was still on. He threw his coat over the chair right inside the door and made his way to the living room.
The first thing he was his huge HDTV facing him, channel set on the shopping network. He could see the top of Ziva's head over the edge of one of the recliners facing the TV. He walked up behind her and leaned down next to her ear.
"The shopping channel is not what I had in mind when I bough that TV. That baby is meant for movies," he whispered. She didn't so much as flinch, apparently she'd heard him come in. Shocking.
"Nevertheless, I am deeply enjoying this," Ziva said. She turned her head, nose brushing the side of his face. She moved her face slowly, lips grazing against his jaw line.
"Oh?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, turning back to the TV. "This is wonderful. You can order extremely useful kitchen appliances, designer handbags, and exercise equipment. Though there are a few things I do not understand. What exactly are pajama jeans?" she asked.
"I have absolutely no idea," Tony said. "Sounds like a horrible idea though."
"Yes," she said. "They were quite ugly. Oh, and why would someone create a 'shake weight'? It looks like they are giving a hand job."
"Oh I know," Tony said. "Just how much stuff did you order tonight?"
"A fair amount, though I had to threaten to dismember one of the operators. They tried to charge me more for shipping than the product actually cost!"
"They do that," Tony said, smirking.
"I ordered a juicer, an extension for my home gym system, a blue bag, oh and they included a free supply of what they call 'male enhancement' with a set of lingerie I bought," Ziva said.
"Oh lingerie? What color-no wait, male enhancement?" Tony asked.
"Yes, they asked if I wanted a free trial and I said okay," Ziva said. "I assumed it was some sort of self help book. Why, what is it?"
"Male enhancement pills are pills to make a man's…thing…bigger…" Tony said.
Ziva burst out laughing. She leaned over and kissed him, running her hand through his hair and down to his neck. She whispered against his lips," I do not think we will need to use that."
"So," he said with a grin. "When does the lingerie come?"
"Soon," she said, turning off the TV. She stood and made her way to the bedroom.
"You know, I never would have pegged you as the TV shopping type," Tony said, unbuttoning his shirt.
"I like online shopping as well," Ziva said. "Malls and shopping centers are very crowded. It makes me very uncomfortable. There are many people, no good vantage points, it is too easy to have someone kill you before you even see them. People do not usually kill you from online shopping."
"Ah," Tony said. He was down to his boxers now, his usual sleeping attire. He pulled Ziva into him, kissing her forehead.
"What was that for?" she asked.
"For you," he said with a shrug. "I love the random scary things you say."
"Am I too scary for you?" she asked, stalking towards him.
"Oh yeah, terrifying," he answered, kissing her with his hand wrapped in her hair.
Ziva stripped down to nothing. Tony watched as she pulled on a t shirt of his. It was big enough that it hit the top of her thighs. They crawled into bed, Ziva snuggling up to Tony. His arms wrapped around her, kissing her on the cheek.
"Goodnight, Tony," Ziva said.
"Night," Tony answered. "Don't kill me in my sleep."
"I can make no promises."