Can't get this out of my head, forgive me, this is my first go round with future fics.
Rated M, Not suitable for work in later chapters.
Warnings: Fem/Kirk because it is so much easier for me to write hetero interactions/love scenes. AU From every verse for my own odd amusement and because I think that the Romulans can be used far more in most stories and because they make me laugh.
The blackness and cold comfort of a routine route through the neutral zone had been interrupted by the shrill pinging of a distress beacon that had been picked up at 06:00 hours. It had been most odd to the crew of the Vulcan spaceship T'Maiti to have come across a shuttle marked with the federation insignia completely alone and so far into the neutral zone. Upon initial scanning it was found that the ship had several survivors, but only one person was moving around with any semblance of normal human function. Given the damaged state of the craft it seemed highly unlikely that anyone should have survived, let alone the number that was quoted.
Captain Spock had found this to be exceedingly unusual. However, he had been given little recourse to investigate the occurrence when his first Officer S'Stelendos saw fit to inform him that a Romulan Warbird had come within range and appeared to be hailing the wounded shuttle.
"Commander S'Stelendos, hail the federation shuttle." His tone was completely neutral even as the whispers of curiosity pulled at his mind cloyingly. He tampered down the spike of human emotion that surged forward like a small wave in a summer pool.
"Affirmative Captain." The equally stoic Vulcan male replied as he tapped long fingers at his station.
Several Vulcan heartbeats passed as Spock counted that it had taken 3.4567 Terran minutes for an answer to jingle along the screen.
"Ow…God Damnit." A distinctly female voice cursed out causing every member present on the T'Maiti to still, and tense for a moment. Spock narrowed his eyes in a small display of distaste for whoever was left conscious aboard the vessel.
"I am Captain Spock of the Vulcan craft T'Maiti. I request identification of the being whom I am speaking with, as well as the reasons to why you are being hailed by a Romulan craft." Authority leapt from his every word without question and his First Officer gazed unhurriedly at the screen flickered to life.
Spock was struck by the most unusual hue of sapphire eyes and the look of annoyance that painted an otherwise aesthetically pleasing human face.
"Yeah, that's great Captain Smock, Was it? Give me just a moment." The woman responded crossly and turned back around to reveal another communication console that held the image of a Romulan Sub-commander.
"As much as I hate to cut this short Maelrok, and really I do," Spock arched a brow at the note of heavy sarcasm the human interjected into her speech with the Romulan Captain. "But as you can see Allies to the Federation have arrived. Therefore, I must decline your…generous offer."
Spock had never been one that had studied humans in great detail, however, as his mother might have said 'there was more here than meets the eye'. The strange human female did not appear to take the Romulan Warbird seriously. It appeared to his logical deductions that the female was baiting the Romulan.
"Has it escaped your notice that you are still in neutral space Jim?" Spock watched the human tense with apprehension before a cool, and cocky, tone flowed easily to meet the jeering of the male identified as 'Maelrok'; Spock deducted that it was the male's last name or house name.
"That's James to you, and I am well aware of where we are. Perhaps you have forgotten that this is a cease fire zone we are in." Spock watched the sapphire eyes swing back toward the screen where he and his crew members waited patiently to be acknowledged. The female smiled before disconnecting the communication with the Romulan vessel. "Sorry about that." The woman looked sheepish and her eyes cast down for a moment.
"Apologies are illogical." Spock stated with blandness, and he noted that the human looked confused, and a bit put off by the statement.
"Right, whatever you say." She waved a hand dismissively in the narrow confines of the shuttle. He watched her flinch when a spark of energy sizzled behind her. "Anyway, I am James T. Kirk formerly of the USS Hemmingway. I have managed to secure myself and eight other crew members who are in varying stages of injury."
Spock would have been impressed by her blunt statements; he had come to the conclusion that humans were far more likely to beat-around-the-bush; to turn the phrase.
It had not stopped him form arching a brow in silent question when the shrill ringing of another communication line chirped behind the woman called 'James'. He watched her flop forward suddenly and heard the impact of her head banging against the hard surface of the small area where she was seated. He also heard the groan that followed shortly afterward.
"Are you injured?" He queried tonelessly and watched as she lifted her head to glare at him over the link.
"Nothing you shooting a torpedo at that Romulan Warbird and shot of triple-distilled vodka won't cure." She stated blithely and Spock blinked at her implications.
"It would be unadvisable to start an altercation in the neutral zone with the Romulans at this time, " he started to explain slowly as if he had been dealing with a small child or an invalid.
"It was a hyperbole Captain." The woman quipped as she turned back to the other screen that still chirped behind her. "Yes, Maelrok?" She sneered out with distaste dripping from every word.
"It would seem that your communicators are malfunctioning." The Romulan male stated with humor lacing his words.
"No, they are working perfectly." Spock watched 'James' fiddle with something on her waist as her slender fingers on her other hand drummed in a bored manner on the desk surface.
"How unusual then that our transmission was disconnected," the Romulan sated mockingly.
Spock glanced at his first officer who offered only a blank stare in return, however the message was conveyed clearly. 'Humans are illogical.'
"I suppose 'unusual' could be a word used to describe it." Had Spock been more human than Vulcan, he would have been able to practically hear the human roll her eyes at the Romulan who grinned back at her through the screen.
"I would be careful, Jim. You wouldn't want me to get the impression that you don't like me. Especially after those three days on Kilthious Prime," the leer was evident even through two communicator screens.
Spock was a highly intelligent being, but had he been a Vulcan child of three he would have been able to understand the provocative implications behind such a statement. What Spock could not explain was why such a statement caused a fiery blaze of indignation to twitch up his spine before he smothered it behind a heavy cloak of logic and the teachings of Surak.
"How many times do I have to tell you?" Her exasperation floated throughout the still room of the Vulcan command bridge. "The only reason I even consented to touch you was so that neither of us would freeze to death."
"But what a …thrilling touch it was." The Romulan male purred over the communication link and Spock watched the human female's shoulder shake. For a single moment Spock calculated that she had been reduced to tears.
"You have had four, no five; five days to come up with a pick-up line, and that was the best you could think of?" The sound of her mirth slipped from her words like rain from a summer storm as she dissolved into small chuckles.
Spock noted that the confusion he felt was shared in equal measure by the Romulan Sub-commander for his expression warped from leering to puzzlement in the space of a breath. "I do not know this term 'pick-up line'," Maelrok stated unsurely.
Spock felt his chest expand for a moment at the sound of the human woman' unbridled laughter.
"I also find myself without sufficient data on the phrase. I request clarification," Spock butted in smoothly his dark eyes watching as the woman turned toward him with a soft smile as she continued to laugh despite the situation.
"I promise I will explain it to you later Captain." Her face twitched as she attempted to school her features. "Maelrok, I do not believe we have anything else to discuss at this time. This shuttle and its occupants will be taken into the custody of the Vulcan craft M'tati-"
"T'Maiti," Spock corrected neutrally at the butchering of his ships name on the human's lounge.
"Right the Mai-tai-," she attempted fruitlessly.
"T'Maiti," Spock stressed the syllables for the human's benefit and enlightenment. He was rewarded for his tutelage with what he could only assume might have been a huff of impatience.
"T'Maiti. Happy now?" She arched a dirty blond brow at the Vulcan with amusement written over her face with the same certainty of poetry in a novel.
"Vulcans do not feel nor express emotions such as happiness." Spock reiterated blithely while his dark eyes scanned her frame with only scientific curiosity.
"Seriously? You must be joking." The female 'James' looked incredulously at him as if he had told her that tribbles were a rare delicacy.
"Vulcans do not 'joke'." He had thought this to be a self-evident statement; however, his crew stared back at the screen with equal looks of deadpan boredom.
"I am Sub-commander Maelrok of the Romulan Empire. I demand identification of your involvement with this Federation Shuttle."
Spock shifted his gaze over the human's shoulder to the accompanying screen where a Romulan face filled the majority of the device. Spock was nonplussed.
"I am Spock, the captain of this vessel and it is my intention to aid the Federation crew from the USS Hemingway." The statement spoke more of logic than intent, however, that was not Spock's concern at this moment.
"You may have the crew and the shuttle, However, the female James T. Kirk is mine, and therefore property of the Empire." The smugness that weighed down the statement coupled with the leering smirk on the other male's face caused both the human and the Vulcan captain to bristle with hostility. Spock's hostility however, was illogical and kept behind a cold mask of indifference.
"The hell I am," hissed the woman as her blond hair fell in disarray at the vigorous shaking of her head to the negative of the Romulan's statement.
"You were already informed of my desire to make you a consort." The Romulan pointed out while his lips thinned into a disapproving line.
"To which, my response was 'no'." James' face morphed into pure shock and irritation. "I don't know what you are taught Maelrok , but where I come from 'no' means 'no'." Her fingers twitched and Spock watched as her slender pointer finger as it inched toward what Spock logically assumed to be a firing button for some type of defense weapon.
"You do not have a choice in the matter," The Romulan continued on as if the human were not actually part of the conversation and Spock felt the first stirrings of amusement caress his psyche as he watched the face of the female flush red with anger. "You will surrender the female to me; you may have the others."
Spock had been ready to respond in a manner that would decisively allow the Romulan to understand in no uncertain terms what Spock thought of the suggestion; however, he had been interrupted with a snort of distaste from the woman. The sparking of a loose wire behind her arched again added a light to the softness of her features that Spock found oddly…fascinating.
"The Vulcans are the most honorable people I have ever come across Maelrok. They are not going to just surrender me to you." Spock watched her hair sway ash she shook her head in amusement. "You are wasting your time here."
Her right hand moved into symbol for the Vulcan farewell of 'live long and prosper' before she closed the gap between her two middle fingers and left a gap between the pointer and middle as well as a gap between the ring and pinky fingers. "Eat shit and die. Kirk out."
Sapphire eyes locked onto his brown ones and a nervous grin spread over her features softening them even more. "I highly recommend that you beam us aboard in the next say…40 seconds before the torpedo from the Romulan ship reaches this shuttle and blows us all to smithereens." Spock stood momentarily stunned at the open display of hostile vulgarity that such a small woman had shown.
"Indeed." He nodded his head out of politeness, after he recovered from his initial shock, and turned toward his first officer. "Beam them aboard." The half Vulcan stood stoically, as unmoving as a mountain on the bridge while the communication was shut off between the allied vessels.
"As you command Captain," S'Stelendos stated as his hands worked over his station to patch the request through to the engineering bay and the security personnel as well.
Spock turned over in his mind the way in which such a strange conversation and situation had come to pass between one James T. Kirk and a Romulan Sub-commander.
"S'Stelendos, you have command while I ascertain the nature of the situation. You may start with evasive maneuvers and moving us out of the neutral zone." Spock turned on his heels and left without so much as another word toward the turbo-lift that would take him down to meet , in the physical, the woman who had just single handedly sparked a near intergalactic incident with his name firmly attached to said incident.