Disclaimer/notes from the author:
- I do not claim to own Wizards of Waverly Place in part or in whole nor any characters/storylines therein. If I did Zeke and Justin would be married by now, I hear Aliens are all for gay marriage.
- The story is set before Zeke and Justin graduated from HS, while Zeke and Harper are dating.
Chapter 1: So Irresistible
It was an ordinary Thursday afternoon in the Russos' wizard lair. Jerry, the wizards' father, was conducting the day's lesson on potion creation.
"Okay guys, I know potions aren't your favorite topic, but pay attention," Mr. Russo instructed. "I have called today's lesson Ocean's Potions, who can tell me why?"
Justin's hand shot up eagerly before his father had even finished asking the question. Alex, his apathetic sister, was sitting on the couch in the lair, texting away on her smartphone. Max sat at the table with Justin, but looked like he was only physically present. His eyes were fixed on the wall opposite the wizard world gate.
Jerry ignored his oldest son's fully extended arm and bouncing body. "How about… Alex! What do you think?"
"Uh, yeah, totally. Sounds great," she answered without looking up from her phone.
"It's not a yes or no question, Alex," Justin commented, keeping his hand raised.
"Oh, well, then it's definitely… B," she mumbled.
"No, Alex. It's not a multiple choice question either," Jerry said. "If you're not going to pay attention, why are you even here?" He asked his daughter rhetorically.
"Oh, cool, so I can leave?" She said as she stood up and hurried towards the exit. "Thanks Dad, see you later."
"No, Alex, stop! You know that's not what I meant, young lady!" her father protested as she walked out and shut the door. "Well, that's okay. She wasn't going to learn much anyway, and we could probably do with fewer distractions. So, Max, do you know why today's lesson is called Ocean's Potions?"
Max thought long and hard before answering, "'Cause they're potions...to help you rob from casinos."
Justin and Jerry stared quizzically.
"Oh, come on. You know, like in Ocean's Eleven, and Twelve… and Thirteen."
"Max, son, two things. One, you're too young to be watching those movies. And two, is that really the best guess you could come up with?"
At this point Alex walked back into the lair. "I was about to head off to the mall, but mom guilted me into coming back to this bore-fest. In case I fall asleep in here today, just remember it's mom's fault, not mine. So let's just get this over with, what did I miss?" She asked uncaringly as she collapsed into the couch and crossed her legs.
"Not much," Jerry explained, "Justin was just about to answer my question." He pointed to his oldest son.
Justin finally put his hand down and spoke proudly in an instructional tone. "Thank you, Dad. Today's lesson is so entitled because it deals with marine -sourced potions. These tend to be inexpensively produced since all of the ingredients can be found here on Earth."
"That's right, Justin, thank you for that. I'm glad to see someone did the reading I assigned. Now let's take a quick look at some of these potions so that you know what they're supposed to look like." Mr. Russo unlocked a large cedar cabinet and started pulling out vials filled with liquids of various colors, explaining their effects as he set them on the table. "This gooey green potion is called Veritas Mucus and it's a very, very powerful truth serum. This black watery one is charmed kraken ink, it gives the user super strength. The effect wears off quickly, though. This thick yellowish one is called flubby tubby, it makes you gain weight extraordinarily fast."
'We all have your genes, dad—we have no use for that potion," Alex interjected with a chuckle.
"No way!" A bewildered Max shouted. "Dad's jeans can make you fat? I didn't know pants could do that!"
The others, by now used to his not-so-smart comments, ignored him as usual.
"Okay, moving right along… This next one is actually..." Mr. Russo looked and reached frantically around the three shelves of the lockable cabinet. "Oh no! Where is my irresistibility potion?"
"You mean red algae and blowfish liver irresistibility potion?" Justin asked, concerned. "Dad, you said that was a very dangerous concoction."
"It is extremely dangerous, Justin. That's why I keep it locked in here. I only have it so that I can show you what it looks like. Well, that and to give it to your mom when I eventually mess up so bad she won't forgive me willingly." They all knew that day was inevitable.
"Well, maybe you moved it. You know, to a safer place," Alex posited.
"No, I always keep it locked in here, I haven't even touched it in years. Which means that one of you must have taken it." The three males stared accusatively at Alex, the most mischievous in the family.
"Well, I sure didn't take it!" Alex acted as if the accusation surprised and offended her.
"I'm serious, Alex. Drinking more than a tablespoon of that potion is fatal!" her father cautioned.
"I'm serious, too," she responded. "I didn't take your irresistibility potion. I have no trouble getting boys to like me. If anything you should suspect Justin! He's very... resistible. Maybe he finally got tired of having monster girlfriends and decided to steal your potion."
"Is that true Justin?" Jerry asked quickly.
"No, Dad, of course not. She's trying to divert attention from herself, like always."
"I have a question," Max interrupted, seemingly unaware of the ongoing conversation. "Does this potion work on lizards? I think it would be a great way to start my unstoppable lizard army."
His question was not answered.
"Well, I have reason to believe someone in this room took the irresistibility potion, and until that someone, ahem-ahem-Alex, returns it to its proper place, the lair is off-limits to everyone."
Justin gasped. "Dad, you can't do that."
Max stood up and attempted to help their cause. "Yeah, Dad. I mean, you can't really blame Alex for taking it. Maybe she wouldn't've done it if you hadn't made the potion so darn irresistible in the first place."
"Max I didn't take that vial! And it's an irresistibility potion, not an irresistible potion. Even I know that," Alex said.
Jerry spoke authoritatively, "I'm sorry guys, but I made my decision. All I can say is that hopefully that potion is returned to me soon."
The four stepped outside of the walk-in cooler and into the kitchen of the Waverly Sub Station. Jerry proceeded to place a magic-proof lock on the door handle.
Alex asked her father, "But where are we going to keep all our fresh ingredients now?"
Max answered her question. "Oh, Alex, we don't use 'fresh ingredients', even I know that."
"Haha, that's right Maxie, you're learning!" Their dad said as he walked away.
Justin grabbed his sister's arm and dragged her into the corner of the kitchen. "Alex, you have to give back that potion!"
"Justin, even if I did have it, I wouldn't give it back. No wizard lair means no wizard lessons; no wizard lessons means more naptime!"
"But you sleep during wizard lessons all the time anyway!" Justin shouted.
He, on the other hand, was very interested in his wizardry. He wanted to learn all he could from his father's lessons in order to stay ahead and win the wizard competition.
"Well, quieter napping then! I won't have to listen to all that learning going on around me. Speaking of napping, gotta go catch some Zs. That's something lame you would say, right?" She laughed and walked out of the kitchen and upstairs to their loft.
Justin held up a fist in annoyance. Ugh, Alex. His wicked sister had gotten her way... again.
The story starts off slowly, sorry about that.