Three times Burt found things he sort of expected in places his son hid them. One time he really wished he hadn't snooped, and he wished he didn't have to have a talk about what he found. R & R.
The first time Burt accidentally, completely accidentally, finds something in Kurt's possession that he's not really that surprised about is when Kurt is six.
He's hanging Kurt's jacket up after the walk that the entire family had just had. Something hit against his thigh from within the pocket.
He started, sticking his hand into his son's pocket. When he pulled out the little bottle, he just stared at it for a few moments. Sure, he and Molly had discussed the idea that perhaps Kurt wasn't like other boys. That perhaps their son liked the other boys, but he was too young for them to be sure.
They also agreed that if that was the case, they would love him unconditionally anyway. That's why Burt silently put the sparkly pink nail polish back into his son's pocket, Then, he went to join his happy little family in the dining room for dinner, noticing that Kurt's nails had a certain...pink sparkle to them.
This time, Burt is innocently, ever so innocently, cleaning his seven year old son's play room while his wife takes him shopping. Never mind that he never cleans, ever.
He opens his son's toy chest (light blue on his insistence, since any other color would clash with the paint on his walls). Moving aside the fashionably dressed Barbie to reveal a Disney coloring book.
Now, that within itself isn't very shocking, but it was shocking that it was just hap-hazardously thrown into the toy box. For a seven year old, Kurt has always been very neat. So that meant that he had purposefully put in where he thought his parents wouldn't find it.
So of course that caused Burt to flip through it.
For some reason, he really wasn't surprised to see all the little pink and red hearts surrounding Prince Charming. Burt chuckled quietly, placing the coloring book with the rest of Kurt's books, before leaving the room. Like he was ever really cleaning.
The next time, Burt doesn't necessarily find anything his thirteen year old son owns, but he just happens to be lingering outside his son's room while he's on the phone.
So he just happens to overhear him.
"Oh I know, right?" Squeal from Kurt, causing Burt to wince at it's loudness. "He is just so adorable. I know, I'm totally interested." Burt's eyes widened.
He carefully shut his son's bedroom door, hearing another squeal from inside.
Well, that determined his son's interests...boys.
Kurt is seventeen now, so Burt doesn't feel the need to snoop as much anymore, but he still is curious when his son comes home with a huge smile on his face, skin glowing. Now, while that in itself isn't too uncommon since he got that boyfriend of his, Blake, Blaze, whatever.
"Hi Dad, Carole, Finn." he took off his jacket, and then did something Burt didn't expect his neat, clean son to do. He tossed his Dalton jacket on to the couch. "Bye Dad, Carole, Finn." he sighed, dreamily, wandering up to his room.
Burt looked at the jacket suspiciously. He stood, picking it up carefully.
"You're not snooping, are you?" Carole teased from the couch next to Finn.
"No!" Burt objected, "I'm just hanging it up...and if something just happens to fall out of the pockets," he shrugged, "Well." was all he offered. Carole shook her head while Finn snickered. Burt's eyebrows furrowed as he felt the smooth, square object in his son's pocket. He pulled it out...before dropping it like it burned him. He stared down at it in shock.
Why did Kurt have a condom in his pocket?
He voiced that.
"Kurt!" he howled and waited for his son to appear at the foot of the stairs, "What is this?" he growled, holding the shiny foil package up. Carole's eyes widened, and he attempted to ignore the huge smile that soon followed on her face. Finn choked on whatever he was eating. Kurt's face lost all color.
"This, Dalton boy, is going to die." Finn growled, standing, and Burt's chest swelled with pride. Couldn't have said it better himself.
"Wait, wait, wait." Kurt scrambled in front of the door to block them. Finn snarled at him. "We didn't do anything!"
"Then, why did you have it?" Burt hissed. Kurt's face was gaining color, and quickly. Color in anger, not in embarrassment.
"Dad, weren't you the one who told me that when I felt ready to take that step to do so with someone I care about? I love Blaine and while it didn't happen today, it will happen." Kurt crossed his arms stubbornly over his chest. "So, no, you will not kill my boyfriend."
"That talk is really going to bite me in the ass, isn't it?" Burt grumbled,
Yeah, he was never ever going to snoop again...