The last thing the President remembered before this moment was the familiar feeling of needing to use the washroom in the middle of the night and the distinct smell of chloroform.
Which was curious in itself; as, to his knowledge, he had never actually smelled chloroform before. However, as the damp rag was pressed unceremoniously to his mouth and nose as he flushed the toilet, he somehow knew exactly what he was smelling.
Which led him to this current point in time. Outside, bound to a chair, with a bag over his head.
Wonderful. He'd been kidnapped.
"Hmm hmm...which seat do I taaaake?"
The President blinked. Someone was singing, and given his current situation it was probably his kidnapper. His kidnapper was singing.
"...Fun, fun, fun fun, lookin' forward to the weekeeend!"
His kidnapper was singing Friday.
Maybe if he was lucky this guy would off him quickly.
Unfortunately, his groan of misery did not go unnoticed, as the singing abruptly came to a halt somewhere around the second verse. "Dude? Was that you? You awake?"
The President froze. His kidnapper walked closer.
"Yo, I can tell you're awake. You aren't even breathing," the voice chuckled.
The president cursed but let himself relax. "What do you want with me?" he demanded.
"Oh, wait a sec, bro. Can't hear you with that thing on your head. Let me get that off for ya."
Blinking into the sunlight that suddenly assaulted his eyes as the bag was removed, he managed to crack his eyes open enough to take in the face that was alarmingly close to his own.
It was a kid; barely older than twenty. Blond, with big, blue eyes behind simple wire framed glasses. He was dressed casually; blue jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt, covered by an old-fashioned brown leather bomber jacket, obviously, because even if it was unusually warm, it was still January.
Somehow, this was not what he pictured his kidnapper to look like.
"Oh God," he mumbled, despite himself. "I was kidnapped by some fucking college student?"
Which the kid evidently found hilarious, as he busted into loud, obnoxious laughter. The President flushed; this was not funny dammit.
Once the boy regained his composure (which took far longer than necessary, as far as the President was concerned), he positively beamed at him.
"So you're the new guy, huh?" he asked excitedly. "I was really kinda hoping you would wake up before I got here, so I wouldn't have to carry you out here and stuff. But it's cool; you aren't too heavy."
Unsure whether he should apologize for not waking up or thank the boy for complimenting his weight (oh god, something had to be wrong with him), he chose to simply remain silent and wait for the kid to make the next move.
And make the next move he did. Before he could blink, a large hand was shoved into his face. Wearily, he followed the hand up the arm and up to the brightly smiling face grinning expectantly down at him. He blinked.
"Handshake! We need to introduce ourselves!"
"...I'm tied to a chair."
The boy's smile faltered as he assessed the situation. "Oh shit. That's not gonna work is it?"
The President gaped.
"Tell you what." The boy crossed his arms and smiled teasingly. "When you stop looking like you want to punch me in the face, I'll untie you and we can introduce ourselves properly. Sound good?"
"Or you could just tell me who you are," the President grumbled. This little game was getting annoying. Hopefully the boy would make his intentions clear soon.
Speaking of the boy, a sudden gleam seemed to appear in his eyes that was almost...mischievous. Honestly, the President expected to see this look on his kidnapper's face sooner, so he was probably not as frightened as he should have been.
"See," the boy drawled innocently, "You are the President of the United States of America. And seeing as I was raised by someone more than obsessively polite, I just can't bring myself to do that unless it's done right." He paused to peak at him out of the corner of his eye. "So we're gonna have to wait for you to chill out so you can shake my hand without popping me one in the kisser. Got it?"
"And what if I never stop wanting to punch you?" the President asked, darkly calm.
The boy merely smiled wider. "Then we're gonna be here for a while, because I'm not letting you go until you know exactly who I am."
Somewhere around minute nine of their awkward silence, the boy had wondered off into the surrounding woods and returned with an old blue and yellow lawn chair. After setting the thing up a comfortable distance away, he plopped down into it, pulled out his cell phone (the newest generation of iPhone, he couldn't help but notice. Apparently this kid had money) and effortlessly lost himself to the world of technology, the President momentarily forgotten.
So, he took this opportunity to assess his situation. So far this boy didn't seem dangerous, but you never could tell these days. Who knew when he might snap, pull a chainsaw out of nowhere and start going to town.
The President shuddered.
Which also begged the question why he hadn't been rescued yet. Certainly they had to have noticed him missing by now. And surely, as the president, he would have some pretty heavy security on his side, right?
Across form him, his kidnapper apparently bested his high score in Angry Birds, as he let out a loud whoop of triumph.
Then again, maybe security wasn't as tight as he thought, if this moron was able to kidnap him. He let out a tired sigh.
"You okay there, boss?"
The President scoffed. "Oh yes. This is exactly what I wanted to be doing today."
The boy laughed. "Dude, all you gotta do is let me introduce myself and we can go home."
He narrowed his eyes. "The United States doesn't cooperate with terrorists."
"Fuck yeah, we don't!" The boy grinned. "But seriously, that's all we gotta do."
Somehow, the President had a feeling it wasn't going to be that easy. "What is it you want from me?" he asked.
The boy seemed taken back by this, his mega-watt grin dimming to a small smile. "Well, theres a lot of stuff I want from you I guess..." He paused, crossing his arms in contemplation. "I mean, I guess I can be hard to please sometimes, you know? I want you to fix the things the other guys screwed up, but keep the good things they've done, too. And, I guess I want you to be understanding and fair, but know when to get tough, no one likes a pussy. And I want you to solve problems, but solve the right problems, don't waste your time on shit no one cares about. But then again, that stuff can be important too...I don't know." He shrugged. "I just don't want you to let me down."
The boy obviously noticed the bewilderment in the President's face, and offered him a toothy grin. "But that's in the long run of course! Right now, all I want to do is shake your damn hand." He laughed heartily.
The President rolled his eyes. "They're going to find me, you know. The FBI, or CIA, or whoever. And when they do, it wont be pretty for you."
"Meh, I'm not too worried." The boy crossed his foot over his knee. "I've done worse."
"...You've done worse?"
"Oh yeah! Remind me to tell you about it sometime!" He smirked. "After we've been properly introduced."
"You are not going to let that go, are you?" The President asked tiredly.
The boy chuckled. "Nope. You ready to shake my hand without punching me?"
The President glared in response.
"Nope. Definitely not."
Suddenly, Lady Gaga started playing from the boy's back pocket. The President was happy he at least had the decently to look a little ashamed as he pulled out his phone to check the ID.
"Oh hey, it's my brother. Hold on for a sec, okay?" He stood up and walked across the tiny clearing, answering the phone on his way. "Sup brah?"
The boy paused in his pacing, his eyes shooting to the President.
"Oh my goodness!" he exclaimed melodramatically. "Are you serious? Oh no, what a terrible thing to have happened!"
He bit his lip.
"W-what are you talking about, dude? Of course I don't have him with me."
His eyes narrowed angrily.
"What do you mean I'm a bad liar? I'm an awesome liar!"
He blushed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Okay...so maybe I had a little something to do with it. Oh come on, dude! Don't be such a stick in the mud! It's tradition!"
He blew a gust of air into his bangs as they fell into his eyes.
"Well I'm not just gonna bring him back without accomplishing anything...Shut up, I know exactly what I'm doing."
His eyes widened.
"Oh no you don't! Dude, I said no! I don't need y- Oh don't you dare. Don't you even fucking- I swear to God, if you hang up, I'll- Dude? Bro? Ugh!"
Hanging up with a pout, the boy turned his attention back to his highly amused captive.
The President had a feeling he was going to like this brother.
"So hears the deal," the boy sighed. "My boring-ass brother is on his way here to let you go and he may or may not have reinforcements. What this means is that we have to introduce ourselves and we have to do it fast. Now, I'm going to untie you, and you're going to promise you aren't going to hit me. Got it?"
The President raised an eyebrow.
"Dude, I'm being totally super serious right now!" the boy exclaimed. "My brother may not be the toughest nail in the shed, but knowing him, he's bringing either a perverted French guy or an angry little British man, neither of which will bode well for us in the end, so we gotta do this now!"
The President took in the boy's frazzled appearance and nodded solemnly. "Well, I suppose..."
He brightened. "And you're not gonna hit me? You promise?"
The kidnapper sighed in relief and began to carefully untie his bounds.
THIS CHAPTER. It hated me. Absolutely HATED me. I had the whole thing written up...and then I decided didn't like it and and I rewrote the entire thing. I'm still not 100% happy with it, but honestly, it did what it had to do, so I'm just going to hope things go better next time. XD
To answer questions: Yes, this is the same President from all my other fics. This is the story of how he and Alfie met. =3 So cute. And SPEAKING of questions! Cue the shameless plug: I got a formspring to answer questions! I saw some other authors doing it, so I thought I would too. Link in is my profile, so go on and check it out! Ask me anything! About the fics, myself, whatever!
Oh! And guess what? I GRADUMACATED! Oh yeah, I'm a certified elementary school teacher. Be afraid. I may someday be teaching your children. *smirk* Anyway! Hope you enjoyed and please review!