America's smile was plastered across his face, reflecting the sunlight and causing him to positively glow. He had done it! He had heroically told his boss who he was! Now he just had to wait for the fanfare, the praise, the cries of admiration...
However, as his handshake with the President remained firm and the man had yet to react in any way whatsoever to his super awesome, fantabulous news, his grin faltered ever so slightly.
"Uh..." he mumbled intelligently, "Y-you can call me America...if you want. The United States part can be kind of a pain in the ol' Grand Canyon, heh." Still nothing. "O-or you can call me Alfred! That's like, the human name I use 'cause, you know, even saying 'America' is a little strange for a human I bet. Most of my other bosses called me that. Yep, Alfred F. Jones. So, um, yeah! Any of those are A-OK with me!"
The President continued to stare, deadpan, at the excitable young nation. America's smile finally melted into a frown.
"Um. I'm...I'm just gonna go ahead and let that marinate in your head, okay? Great. Yeah. Be right back." America sprinted across the clearing, skidding to a stop in front of England and Canada where they were looking at paint splotches, or knitting, or whatever it is boring countries like them do together. "He doesn't believe me!" he exclaimed.
"Well of course he doesn't," England replied calmly, inspecting his fingernails. "No sane person would."
"My old boss believed me right away."
England scoffed, "As I said, no sane person would."
Canada smiled politely as his brother glared at their old caretaker. "It usually takes a while for this kind of thing to sink in, eh. Most humans struggle to understand the concept of national anthropomorphic personifications."
America blinked. Canada sighed.
"What Canada is trying to say is that it is going to take a little effort on your part to help him understand," England explained. "Which, if I may remind you, is why you are given the entire day to explain the situation and not waste it bloody kidnapping people."
America rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, I get it." He crossed his arms confidently. "Don't worry, it'll be a piece of cake. I've explained it to my other bosses and, with the exception of Hoover who thought I was some crazy-ass intern his entire term, they all believed me!"
Canada and England exchanged weary glances.
"Are you sure you don't want one of us to talk to him first?" Canada asked. "You did kidnap him this morning...he really has no reason to trust you."
America laughed and waved him off. "I got this, dude, don't worry! Just leave it to the hero!"
He was crazy.
Not that that he didn't know that already; the President had pretty much figured out the mental stability of his kidnapper with the, you know, kidnapping. But now the boy had officially proved it.
Maybe he was joking. Maybe the boy didn't actually think he was the United States and was simply joking around, being funny. Yes. The President took hold of that thought and held on for dear life.
The kidnapper (Alfred? America?) shuffled back across the clearing from where he was talking with his friends, a big, nervous smile gracing his face. "Hey there, sir. You, um, better now and stuff?"
The President blinked. "That depends. What did you say your name was again?"
"That's what I thought you said." He nodded firmly. "Well, in that case, I am just going to sit here and wait for you to cut me into bits, or gut me and walk around in my skin or whatever."
America slapped his forehead. "Dude, I'm not crazy! I really am America! I'm a national aromatherapy persecution or whatever the hell it's called!"
"It's anthropomorphic personification, you git," Arthur sighed, coming up beside the kidnapper and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Do quit before you hurt yourself."
Alfred (for that was what the President decided to refer to him now instead of 'the kidnapper' in his head) pouted and crossed his arms in a huff. "I'm not gonna hurt myself. And I told you I had this!"
"Obviously. Which is why the President is talking about you waltzing about in his skin or some such nonsense. Go join your brother and let me handle this."
Alfred rolled his eyes but gave in, searching around the clearing before finally spotting Matthew directly across from him and walking over to stand by his side.
The President sighed in relief. He liked Arthur, Arthur seemed sane. "Please tell me he's on medication or something."
"Not nearly enough, sir," Arthur sighed. "Listen, Mr. President...about Alfred. He's..."
"Insane? Crazy? Delusional?"
"Tactless," he clarified. "And while, yes, there are many ways in which he is...unbalanced...this is... not one of them."
The President narrowed his eyes distrustingly. "Arthur, what are you talking about?"
Arthur ran a hand through his already messy blonde hair and took a deep breath. "Perhaps it would be best if I just came out and said it. Mr. President, I know this is going to sound crazy and you'll probably think I'm completely mental, but if we could just return to the White House and get the proper documentation, we can clarify the situation."
"Arthur," the President repeated slowly, cautiously, "what are you talking about?"
"Alfred wasn't lying, sir," he explained slowly. "He really is the personification of the United States. I'm the personification of the United Kingdom, myself."
The President remained motionless in his chair, staring at the man with tired eyes. "The United Kingdom."
"England, more specifically. But as my brothers are incompetent fools, I take responsibility for the rest of the UK as well."
"So you're crazy too."
England sighed. "I know it must seem that way, but-"
The president laughed bitterly. "Of course it seems that way! I'm barely president for ten hours and I'm kidnapped out of my home in the middle of the night by a kid who thinks he's a country, and now the people who promised to save me are not only agreeing with him, but saying they are countries too! So what are you, now?" He asked, pointing rigidly at Matthew who jumped a little in surprise. "We have America and England, who are you? Switzerland?"
"Actually, he's Canada," Alfred chirped with a grin. "But you were close!"
Matthew frowned. "America, Switzerland and I aren't even remotely similar..."
"Sure you are. You guys are like neighbors, right?"
"No, we're not. I live right above you, remember? Switzerland isn't even on the same content..."
"Meh, whatever, close enough."
The President watched the scene, completely dumbfounded. What the Hell was going on with his life right now? Seriously. He contemplated freeing himself from the rest of the bounds now that his hands were free, but part of him hesitated to make any sudden movements. He didn't know what these men were capable of, and he knew well enough not to set crazy people off if he could help it. Especially when they outnumbered him.
"You see, you twit?" Arthur (not England, definitely not England) was screaming at Alfred. "This is what happens when you insist on doing unnecessary, pointless things! All you needed to do was give him the bloody book and be done with it!"
Alfred crossed his arms. "Dude, what part of tradition don't you understand? I do this every time I get a new boss and it always works out in the end! It would have been fine if you two didn't show up!"
"Times have changed, America! You can't just go around abducting people from their homes! You know better than anyone how dangerous things are nowadays!"
Alfred paused, dropping his defensive stance immediately. "Abducting huh...? Not a bad idea, actually. I'll have to talk to Tony about it next time."
Arthur slapped his forehead. "Oh bloody hell."
Matthew rolled his eyes, slipping around them to join the President. "I'm so sorry sir, I know this must be really confusing for you."
He smiled. "While we wait for them to calm down, did you have any questions for me? I-I'm not going to lie and say I'm not Canada-" the President's face fell- "But if it will help you to understand things a little better, I would be happy to help..."
The President sighed heavily. Even though he was obviously just as crazy as the other two, he had a hard time acting anything but polite to Matthew for some reason. "No, no. It's just," he laughed, "at this point, I'm just waiting for some guy pop out of the woods with loaf of bread and a beret claiming to be France or something," he joked with a chuckle.
Behind him, there was a rustle in the trees. "Bonjour mes amis!" a very, very French voice called. "I have finally found you!"
The President cursed. He really needed to learn how to keep his big mouth shut.
Honhonhon! Bonjour to you as well, France! About time you found your way to the rest of the gang! I was hoping I could keep him away longer, 'cause writing France is a pain in the butt with having to look up random French words and phrases the whole time, but he's a sneaky little guy and found his way in.
This chapter was really bipolar for me. I would be on a roll one minute and then all of a sudden I wouldn't be able to type out a single coherent sentence. I know I can tell where I struggled, but I'm crossing my fingers none of you can. XD I've been really busy lately getting ready to move and working for my dad's tree service business, so I'm glad I got this out!
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to check out my formspring (link in profile) if you ever want to ask me questions! :)