A/N: Just a crazy one-shot I came up with. :)
"Max… I know you're upset that Fang is… gone… I am too… but you need to do something… normal." Nudge tried to talk to me, but I didn't listen. Fang was gone! This was not fair!
"That's the shortest sentence I've ever heard you say, Nudge."
"Yeah, yeah. You need to do something! Like, watch a movie, or listen to my JB CD-"
"No way." The last thing I would ever want to do is listen to Justine Bieber.
"Come on… ooh! I have an idea!"
"What…" I said halfheartedly, not in the mood for Nudge's (sorry, Nudge) crappy taste in music and television.
"Do you want revenge on Fang?"
"Um…" I truly wasn't sure. Should I erase him from my life, or kill him? "Sure."
"Well… you know how many fan girls his blog has?"
"I see where you're going with this… GREAT idea!" Hacking into and terrorizing Fang's blog... brilliant.
"Well, let's, like, get started!" Nudge flew down from the roof to grab the laptop.
I sighed. Fang did have one good reason to leave… (it starts with a 'D' and ends with a 'ylan') but even more reason to stay. (It starts with an 'M' and ends with an 'ax'.)
"Max! I'm back!"
She turned the laptop on, and went to Fang's blog. For Nudge, it's easy to hack into anything, in case you've been living under a rock.
She found the 'post' option and gave me the laptop.
"Just don't do anything too stupid… like saying he murdered you or something like that. Come inside and show us when you're done!" Nudge, like all the flock (minus Fang, plus Dylan), knew that I now stayed on the roof almost exclusively. I even slept here whenever they didn't force me inside.
"I won't… do anything stupid, that is."
"K! See ya soon!"
I thought for a moment, then I was struck by a brilliantly devious idea. I started typing.
Welcome to Fang's Blog!
I Have an Emo Confession
Okay, Fang here… I have a confession to make. I cut myself now. My arms are, like, so full of to-be scars… I use a knife. What do you guys use?
And Dylan emailed me. (Didn't know he was capable of reading…) He told me:
Dud fng macks iz myn nd u ned 2 fck fof. Se sed ur a peece o totuls sht u fag fckin pozer prep.
Ps hav u red my immortal youd luv it sence ur so emo
Well, I think it was Dylan…
Either way, I Know that dude never lies. He's a wonderfully hot dude with s-e-x-y abs. But he's into Max… can't say I blame him.
Well, it's his email that made me cut. Cause it also has stuff from the rest of the flock.
U TOTAL (not the dog) BASTARD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER CALLED U MY BROTHER!
YOU REALIZE MAX IS MORE EMO THAN YOU EVER COULD HOPE TO BE, AND SHE WANTS TO COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER MURDERING YOU. (well, and Dylan…)
From a REAL person.
Iggy (with Nudge typing, and making it more appropriate.)
I didn't think u'd go this far…
I hate you. Thanks for making our lives hell. And thanks for teaching me every detail about you and Dylan's sex… oops, wasn't supposed to tell! : )
Fang… say what you want, but your thoughts speak louder.
I know you're in love with Dylan.
And I know your dirtier little secret.
Only problem: I told Iggy. He doesn't know what Feb is. But it sounds like a combination of your name and Jeb's name. Just saying. And I know you love reading 'Feb' on 'Fanfiction'.
There is only one way to say how I feel about you.
And it's not appropriate for the 13 year olds that will read this.
You. Sick. Turd.
Thanks for making my life hell.
But Angel and Gazzy can see this.
Oh, I'm sure you know what I mean.
Either way, in 20 years, I'm not going to stand on that cliff and meet you. I'll be dead.
Nah, rephrase that: I'll be there. With an A-bomb.
Yeah… those stupid old friends of mine… I'll never see that A-bomb. I doubt I'll see the keyboard.
I'm committing suicide right after I post this.
See you in the afterlife.
P.S.: Lemme re-answer the questions I found in a comment one day. From Jess.
DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?
Nah, I'm not some weed-smoking Jamaican.
DO YOU MOLT?
As of now, no. But who knows what adult bird people do…
WHAT'S YOU STAR SIGN?
Scorpio, I think.
HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?
Keep your hands off my Jebby-poo!
DOES NOT HAVING A POWER MAKE YOU ANGRY?
Well, I have a power or two, but I wish I had more.
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?
DOES IGGY KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?
I don't care what Iggy can do.
DO YOU USE HAIR PRODUCTS?
I use a bottle of gel each day.
DO YOU USE PRODUCTS ON YOUR FEATHERS?
I once tried, but hair gel is meant for HAIR.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
A tie between Bruno and Borat.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?
My Immortal by Evanescence
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Lemons and Soap
DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?
Only the ones that insult Jeb.
IF I CAME UP TO YOU IN A STREET AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?
DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?
ARE YOU GOING EMO 'CAUSE ANGEL IS STEALING EVERYONE'S POWERS (INCLUDING YOURS)?
I'm going emo for different reasons.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
Crack is a food, right?
WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?
DID YOU EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?
DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?
As much as I can, yeah.
DO YOU LIKE MAX?
DO YOU LIKE ME?
A bit, I guess.
DOES IGGY LIKE ME?
DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?
IS IT ABOUT MAX?
IS IT ABOUT ARI?
IS IT ABOUT JEB?
Are you a mind-reader?
ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK THIS COMMENT?
Well, you would know if I did.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Plain black t-shirt and black skinny jeans, ripped from being too tight.
DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
DO YOU FIND THIS COMMENT PERSONAL?
DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?
Yeah, they cost 50 bucks…
DO YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?
Only when I went to the Justin Bieber concert.
DO YOU SMOKE APPLES, LIKE US?
I'm truly interested, how do you smoke apples?
DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Neither, I prefer gingers.
DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?
Vampires are SICK, man!
ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDING TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING LISSA?
No, I'm bisexual.
WERE YOU EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?
WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?
Yeah, but I'm bisexual, not gay.
DO YOU SECRETLY LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL YOU EMO?
I don't care either way.
ARE YOU EMO?
DO YOU LIKE EGGS?
They aren't that bad.
DO YOU LIKE EATING THINGS?
DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD?
Well, DUH. I'm a sexy beast!
DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX?
I used to all the time!
HAS ANGEL EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX AND GONE "OMG" AND YOU WERE LIKE "D:"?
Well, that happened with my dirty thoughts about Jeb…
DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?
He's a sick bastard.
DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?
Only once when I was six!
CAN YOU COOK?
I burnt water. I'm worse than Max.
DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?
ARE YOU, LIKE, A HOUSEWIFE?
Uh… no comment.
DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?
It's not so secret.
DO YOU WANT TO BE UNDA DA SEA?
DO YOU THINK IT'S NOT TOO LATE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE?
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO PLAY POKER?
Angel taught me 3 years ago.
DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?
OMFG A LADY GAGA SONG!
OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES IGGY HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?
Iggy is just a turd, so I don't care.
CAN HE EVEN PLAY POKER?
DO YOU LIKE POKING PEOPLE, HARD?
Nah, I prefer bone-breaking.
ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?
Yeah… now you all know my secrets.
Delighted with my evil idea, I flew down from the roof and brought the laptop inside.
"Max! You're done! I wanna see!" Nudge squealed.
"Yeah, it's awesome. Thanks for helping me, Nudge."
"Oh, no problem!"
Nudge and the rest of the flock (again, minus Fang, plus Dylan) looked at the blog post.
Throughout the reading, they all had fits of laughter, and at the end… well, good thing no Erasers showed up, or even Iggy wouldn't be able to hear over the laughter.
Fang sighed. He was lonely without Max. There was only one bright side to being away from her: he was also away from Dylan, the worst creature to ever walk the Earth.
It was time to update his blog, though. Fang switched on the computer at the public library he was at, and logged on to his blog. He had even more messages than his usual thousand or so.
And there was an even worse surprise: there was a blog post that he had not written.
After reading it over, Fang tried to delete it. But whoever had hacked into his account had made it undeletable.
He quickly typed another post, explaining what happened.
At the end, he put 'P.S.: I think I may have to kill whichever member of the flock did this.'
A/N: Well... what do you think?