Author's Notes

In case you're confused about the spelling, I can explain. According to the credits of season 3 of Get Smart, his name is spelled "Larrabee." According to the credits of seasons 4 and 5, his name is spelled "Larabee." I prefer to use the latter spelling.

Like "D.W. and Brain Haiku" and "Michelle and Joey Haiku," "Max and Larabee Haiku" is a part of my "Synchronous Twosomes Haiku" series. These haiku are arranged in chronological order. The haiku that have quotation marks are based on quotes from the show and often paraphrase conversations between two characters. The haiku that end with "Hints of Lucy R, " "Hints of Ricky R," "Hints of Ethel Mertz," and "Hints of Freddie Mertz" mean that they are possible allusions to I Love Lucy, the haiku that end with "Hints of The Beaver" and "Hints of June Cleaver" mean that they are possible allusions to Leave It to Beaver, and the haiku that end with "Hints of Lisa D" and "Hints of Eb Dawson" mean that they are possible allusions to Green Acres. Apparently it's a television tradition for pairs of characters who have a lot in common to have a lot in common with other pairs of characters who have a lot in common. Did you get that?

I think that season 4 had so many great moments that it was difficult for me to decide which moments to write haiku about. But then I decided that my haiku would consist of specific things that Max and Larabee have in common, Get Smart moments that were very likely inspired by sitcoms I Love Lucy, Leave It to Beaver, and Green Acres; any funny moments involving Larabee; and moments that were very likely the inspiration for plots and gags for TV shows Green Acres, Full House, Arthur, and Monk. Even after all that, this story still ended up being twice as long as "D.W. and Brain Haiku Season 1" and three times as long as "Michelle and Joey Haiku Season 3." Each haiku is numbered, so you can read them at your own pace.

In memory of Robert Karvelas (1921-1991) and Don Adams (1923-2005)

1 Max in "The Impossible Mission" 1

Max pretends that he

Knows how to play the trumpet

Hints of Lucy R

2 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 1

Maxwell likes Snoopy

The Chief is not interested

"You like Charlie Brown?"

3 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 2

The potato crop

Is as American as

Pizzas and tacos

4 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 3

"It's the Red Baron!"

He's too involved with Peanuts

Is what the Chief thinks

5 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 4

Ninety-Nine's mom thought

That Maxwell Smart was in the

Greeting card business

6 Max in "Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron" 5

"Look, there's a chicken;

"Let's tie a note around it"

"But chickens can't fly"

7 Max in "Closely Watched Planes" 1

Smart's in the restroom

The trapdoor opened for him

Missed it by that much

8 Max in "Closely Watched Planes" 2

Cleveland had two guns

One of them was a kid's toy

Ninety-Nine saved Max

9 Larabee in "The Secret of Sam Vittorio" 1

The Chief was told twice

That Connie and Floyd escaped

Sorry, wrong number

10 Max in "Diamond's Are a Spy's Best Friend" 1

A ring, vase, and urn

All got stuck on Max's hands

(Lucy and Beaver)

11 Larabee in "The Worst Best Man" 1

The men applauded

When Larabee's band took five

Hints of Ricky R

12 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 1

The teacher is sick

So Max is taking his place

How sick is this spy?

13 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 2

When Max wrote his name,

He used invisible chalk

So he erased it

14 Max and Larabee in "A Tale of Two Tails" 1

Maxwell and the Chief

Use Control's Secret Word File

Larabee joins in

15 Max in "A Tale of Two Tails" 3

Why is Santa Claus

In Washington in August?

Hints of The Beaver

16 Larabee in "The Return of the Ancient Mariner" 1

Larabee asks Max,

"Little Women the picture?"

Hints of June Cleaver

17 Max in "With Love and Twitches" 1

Late for his wedding,

Max has to stand in the car

Hints of Lucy R

18 Max in "Temporarily Out of Control" 1

Ensign Maxwell Smart

Tells Sailor Chief what to do

Hints of Ricky R

19 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 1

Max uses a match

He lights it near the motor

Lights would've been good

20 Larabee in "Schwartz's Island" 1

Smarts are lost at sea

The Chief learned this very late

Memo irony

21 Larabee in "Schwartz's Island" 2

"There is a great deal

"At the delicatessen"

"That's not important"

22 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 2

Max finds a footprint

Details you will not believe

Hints of Lucy R

23 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 3

What's red and U-shaped

And is really, really big?

Don't be a horseshoe

24 Max in "Schwartz's Island" 4

Siegfried tells Maxwell

To look in the telescope

Put a dime in there

25 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 1

Maxwell cannot cook

The lunch room food makes him sick

Hints of Ricky R

26 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 2

TV dinners are

Not as good as they once were

Edible reruns

27 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 3

Maxwell doesn't want

To buy a Spiffy Vacuum

Hints of Lucy R

28 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 4

"Here's how the spray works

"Listen very carefully"

"There's gum under here"

29 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 5

"Please let me explain"

Max becomes invisible

Hints of Ricky R

30 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 6

"How can a floor lamp

"Fall with no one touching it?

"Where did you come from?"

31 Max in "One Nation Invisible" 7

One man from KAOS

Is knocked out by a "Fredericks"

Hints of Lisa D

32 Max in "Hurray for Hollywood" 1

Max pretends that he

Is an actor; he will take

The place of Becker

33 Larabee in "Hurray for Hollywood" 1

Standing in the back,

Larabee discovers that

Maxwell cannot act

34 Max in "Hurray for Hollywood" 2

Ninety-Nine shoots the

Gun in Max's direction

This is not a play

35 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 1

"Maybe Ninety-Nine

"Could babysit like my wife

"The hours are great"

36 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 2

Where's the best place for

KAOS to deliver guns?

Delicatessen

37 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 3

The KAOS agents

Are sure to recognize them

Larabee's flattered

38 Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 4

Larabee's wearing

His dress from a college play

Hints of June Cleaver

39 Max and Larabee in "The Day They Raided Knights" 1

Max will first untie

The Chief and then Ninety-Nine

The old woman's last

40 Larabee in "Tequila Mockingbird" 1

Larabee translates

Esperanza's castanets

But she dies too soon

41 Max in "Tequila Mockingbird" 1

Maxwell complains to

The Chief about a ticket

Hints of Ricky R

42 Max in "Tequila Mockingbird" 2

The Chief provided

Maxwell with "Rent-a-Burro"

Hints of The Beaver

43 Larabee in "To Sire, with Love, Part 1" 1

King Charles is inside

A mummy case that got lost

Some royal treatment

44 Larabee in "To Sire, with Love, Part 1" 2

"The Chief is busy;

"Call back when it's important;

"It's the President"

45 Max in "Leadside" 1

"Security? Smart

"Heh? Smart! S-m-a-r-t"

Hints of Ricky R

46 Max in "Leadside" 2

Max has an idea

Of Leadside's plan for Phase Two

Potato salad

47 Larabee in "Leadside" 1

"Did you say, 'Dragnet'?

"I'm a big fan of that show"

"That's not what I meant"

48 Larabee in "Leadside" 2

"I know just the brain"

"Just give me the question, Chief"

"Not you, Larabee"

49 Larabee in "Greer Window" 1

"Come out, if you please

"I'm getting the teargas gun

"Hey, look! A yo-yo"

50 Max in "Greer Window" 1

"There's no one inside"

"Did you try the second floor?"

Shot in the behind

51 Max and Larabee in "Greer Window" 1

Ninety-Nine asked where

Max got wounded; Larabee

Said, "South Poplar Street"

52 Max in "Greer Window" 2

Max is tired of

Looking out the window and

Reading magazines

53 Larabee in "Greer Window" 2

Larabee gave two

Theories that did not make sense

The third time's the charm

54 Larabee in "Greer Window" 3

Larabee's supposed

To keep calling Maxwell Smart

"Hi, honey; guess what?"

55 Max in "Greer Window" 3

The TV is fixed

But the remote doesn't work

Max gets shot again

56 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1

Kendall will be fine

So will the secret papers

Sorry, wrong number

57 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1

The four remaining

Agents meet in Chief's office

The silent treatment

58 Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 1

Harvey closed Control's

Delicatessen because

No one's eating there

59 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 2

"Who should be the Chief?

"It should be someone quite smart"

"Let me call my wife"

60 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 3

"What should I do first?"

"Tell Harvey to reopen"

"I mean after that"

61 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 4

Larabee tells Max

He should go in Max's place

Larabee's married

62 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 5

Larabee asks Max,

"Max, have you disappeared yet?"

"No, I'm still right here"

63 Max and Larabee in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 1" 6

"What should I do, Max?"

"Make me sound more important"

Max is president

64 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 2" 1

The Chief's diagram

Looks like the game tic-tac-toe

Hints of the Beaver

65 Max in "The Not-So-Great Escape, Part 2" 2

"Chief, Kendall told me

To shut up; that is not right"

"Maxwell Smart, shut up"

Haiku Notes: One, Lucy in "The Saxophone;" Ten, Lucy in "Lucy and the Loving Cup" and Beaver in "Beaver's Ring;" Eleven, Ricky in "Ragtime Band" (they both have a saxophonist, a pianist, and a drummer); Fifteen, Beaver in "Beaver Becomes a Hero;" Sixteen, June in "Voodoo Magic;" Seventeen, Lucy in "Country Club Dance;" Eighteen, Ricky in "Drafted;" Twenty-Two, Lucy in "Desert Island;" Twenty-Three, Ricky in "Job Switching;" Twenty-Seven, Lucy in "Sales Resistance;" Twenty-Nine, Ricky in "Don Juan and the Starlets;" Thirty-One, Lisa in "Who's Lisa?"; Thirty-Eight, June in "Wally's Play;" Forty-One, Ricky in "Lucy in the Swiss Alps;" Forty-Two, Beaver in "Three Boys and a Burro;" Forty-Five, Ricky in "The Saxophone;" Sixty-Four, Beaver in "Beaver's Bike."

Author's Notes (October 4, 2012): Recently I realized that Larabee has something in common with Ethel Mertz and Eb Dawson: dissatisfaction with the amount of money they are given. I haven't thought of any haiku with that particular theme yet. I'd probably have to watch seasons 4 and 5 of Get Smart again.