2nd outtake. Thought I'd end it on a positive note. Well I don't know if Edward would call this a positive experience, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it. : )
It was the one word that a guy never wanted to hear. Ever. Fucking tampon.
I had a mom. I've had girlfriends. I know how their…business works, but I don't need to know the details and I sure as hell don't want to know about it. I chose to remain blissfully ignorant. I should have known Bella would blast through that ignorance like a damn bat out of Hell.
I didn't want to do it. On my list of things I wanted to do it was so far from the bottom of the list that I needed a damn GPS to find it. But she was my woman, even if we were far from solid ground right now. So I did it.
I shuffled into the grocery store and grabbed one of those basket things because I honestly had no idea what I was doing.
"Hello!" One of the cashiers called.
I managed a nervous smile and started down the first aisle. I wasn't ready for that aisle yet. The one with all of the girl things. They were always right next to the condoms and the Depends. Tampons, pads…liners. What's the difference? In or out right?
I grabbed some chips and some of that new dip that I'd been wanting to try as I slowly ambled down the aisles. Along the way I managed to pick up those little plastic toy soldiers, the sponge things that grow when you put the in water and an egg poacher for the microwave.
I glanced up at the numbered signs as I rounded the corner and froze when I saw "feminine needs" written underneath. I stopped just before I moved out across the aisle and slowly peeked around the corner. There was one chick about halfway down the aisle wearing sweatpants and carrying a King sized chocolate bar.
I skittered across, avoiding the aisle of Hell once more. By the time I made the next round, I'd grabbed a thing of chocolate milk and a Highlights magazine. When I saw two other women walking down that aisle, I perched myself at the end and pulled a pen from its packaging as I started rummaging through the Highlights magazine looking for all of the hidden penguins.
When I glanced up again, I nearly lost it and let out a sigh of relief. There was a guy. A cock in the hen house. And he was alone.
I cleared my throat and threw my magazine into my basket as I hurried into the aisle. The guy looked up, his eyes wide with panic until he saw me.
"How ya doin?" I nodded and came to stand beside him.
"We shouldn't be here man," he mumbled, shaking his head. "It's not right."
I ran my fingers through my hair and glanced at the displays in front of me. It was almost too much to take in. I felt my manhood shrinking with each passing moment, almost so much so that I wouldn't be surprised if I sprouted a vagina. Even then I didn't think I'd know what the hell to do. How do they know which one is right?
I reached out and grabbed one of the boxes so I could read it a little more closely. I had no idea what I was looking for but as soon as I saw that fucking diagram on the back I threw it in the basket without another moment of consideration. I didn't need visuals. I needed this to be over.
The guy next to me sighed before making his final decision and walking away. I grabbed another box and shuddered as I started reading. What the hell are wings? Are we preparing for flight? I shook my head and threw it in my basket.
I glanced to my side and started to panic. An older woman with an overly eager smile on her face started towards me. As soon as I saw her name tag, I knew she was an employee on a Momma Mission to help me with my shopping.
I frantically starting grabbing the boxes, anything and everything I could grab, and set them into my basket. She reached me just as it started overflowing and started to speak. I mumbled a "Thank you I'm just looking" and darted away.
I felt momentary relief until I got up to the register. A guy around my age was the only cashier.
I glanced down at my feet as I put my basket up on the belt. He pushed the button, roaring it to life as it carted my embarrassment towards him.
He was silent as he removed each box from the basket. I occupied myself by shuffling through their gum selection and trying to pretend I wasn't mortified.
"Your total is $54.31," he said.
I pulled out my credit card and swiped it without meeting his gaze. As I signed and reached for my receipt, he spoke again.
"Girlfriend?" He asked.
"We've all done it, man. No shame." He held his fist up.
"No shame." I nodded and grabbed my bag as I bumped my fist to his. "No shame," I said again as I walked out of the store.