A.N:This is my first try at writing a story in english and I want to know your opinion.
I wrote this a while ago now and Irritable Grizzzly was kind enough to check this out and correct it for me. Huge Thanks.
All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
A little bit.
I wake up, feeling the same as I do every Sunday after our night together: dirty, used, cheated, and stupid.
She's in the bathroom. I can hear her in the shower. She must be expecting me to join her, but I don't think I can. Not today.
I get up slowly out of bed and search for my clothes, as well as any kind of damage we may have caused the night before. After I find my underwear, I look to the left and see our clothes lying on the floor. There's a crack in the crystal of the table where some gold liquid spilled onto the floor but nothing major; we've done worse.
I sit back down on the bed, and I don't know what to do with myself. I know what I should tell her. I should end this relationship. I've tried before, but I've never been able to actually say the words. I haven't been able to even start the sentence. When she arrives, time stops, everything's perfect, and all the reasons to end it disappear.
I know she must think I'm an idiot. She knows the effect she has on me and uses it against me. I know she must make fun of me for all the times I've came too fast because I'm so weak when it comes to her and how I whine when she's about to leave. Even though I know these things, I can't seem to get enough. I just have to keep her in my life, no matter what.
She's out of the bathroom, wrapped in a really short towel, and her hair is still wet. I can see her beautiful, creamy legs as she walks toward me. When my eyes settle on her face, she's wearing that sexy-as-hell smirk she knows I love. When she reaches me, her smile turns sweet, but I know what's about to come.
"Good morning, handsome" She thinks saying stuffs like that will make it easier.
"Good morning, babe" I humor her.
She's drawing lazy circles in my chest, causing a burning ache it's there. She looks into my eyes, and for an eternity, neither of us says anything. I try to see something other than lust in her eyes, but it's just not there.
On the other side, I know she must be seeing all the love I feel for her reflected in my face, and all the adoration that must be plain in my eyes. I don't know if she can see the pain, though. I like to think I hide it well, but then the look of pity she's wearing changes my mind, as well as what she says next.
"Don't be sad" she whispers, as she tangles her fingers in my hair. "You know I'll come back in a few weeks"
Something close to a grunt leaves my chest. I go for the silent treatment. She's having none of that.
"Edward, please don't be like that." She grabs my chin, and kisses me on the lips. "It kills me when I have to leave, knowing you're mad at me. I don't want to think you don't want me anymore."
I stare at her, thinking she must be crazy. I have to bear the fact that she won't be here for God only knows how long, and she can't take a few minutes of silence without thinking I don't want her? It's unfair. I want to tell her how ridiculous she's being, but I settle for reassuring her instead.
"Babe, you know I'll always want you." The smile that settles on her face makes me realize it's all just part of her fun. She knows I still want her, and I always will; she just likes to hear it.
"I got scared when you looked so upset. You're one of the best things in my life and I don't want to lose you." She keeps looking all innocent and sweet, like is totally okay she referred to me as "one of the best things."
"Bella, you know I hate it when you leave, and then you told me you can't see me for a couple of weeks. I just miss you so-
She cuts me before I'm finished with a heated kiss. She bites my ear as she whispers, "You don't know how sexy you look when you're needy like that." Then she resumes her nibbling and sucking and before I know it, we're on the bed, panting, while my hands roam all over her body.
I love the way her skin feels, and I love the way she smells after she takes a shower. I'm addicted to her hands and lips on my skin. When she touches me, it's like my whole body is ready to explode.
She keeps kissing and sucking on my neck, my chest, my jaw. She's in charge. She always has been. I'm just along for the ride. I'm just a lost puppy to her. She has her fun, and then she's out.
"Don't leave," I can't stop myself from whispering. "I'll make you happy. I'll give you everything you ask for. I'll make love to you every night. I'll buy you anything you want. You just have to stay here with me"
She chuckles through my speech. I don't know if it's because of what I'm saying or the shallow breaths that follow each sentence. Her teeth are scraping my nipples but she stops to deny me. "Baby, you're so sweet, but you know I can't stay." She goes back to work on my chest, and I give up. I pull her to me, and kiss her with everything I have.
Minutes later, she's lying on top of me, sighing happily while I play with her hair. She's starting to get up, but I hold her there and go for another try.
"Bella, please, you know you don't have to go…You could stay here, with me…I…I don't know how to be without you…and I can make you happy. I promise. You won't miss anything. I'll give you everything."
She stops fighting me halfway through my speech, and resumes her place on my chest, then, takes a big breath and murmurs, "Baby, don't make this harder than it has to be. I'll be back in two weeks and I'll be yours for the whole weekend." Her voice drops even lower. "I'll miss you… I'll be back"
I don't know why it's so hard to believe her. It's been a whole year and she's always kept her promise. She always comes back. But right now, I just can't shake the feeling that she's lying to me; that today, when she walks out that door, she won't be coming back. I want to cry. I want to yell at her for playing her games with me. I want to scream at her that she can go fuck herself and never come back.
But of course I don't do that, and instead let her out of my arms and out of the bed to fetch her clothes. I'm silent while she dresses. I'm trying to adjust myself to the thought that she's leaving forever. She sits on the bed and grabs my hand.
"Love, please be good while I'm gone, okay? Don't call me this week. I'll try to contact you."
I'm nodding like the idiot I am, while she plays with my fingers and keeps talking. "It's going to be a busy week at work, but I'll try to come sooner."
"You wouldn't have to go to work at all," I grumble.
"Edward, I love my job...I…I can't get into this right now. I have to go." She scoots closer to kiss me, but I move backward. She looks like she can't believe I'm rejecting her, but then her surprised look changes into an angry one.
"Edward, don't be difficult. Come kiss me goodbye so I can go." She's trying to keep her voice even but I know she's raging inside. She hates it when I do that. Well, it's the least I can do to hang on to my one shred of dignity.
"Just go. It's okay. Busy week. You'll come in two weeks…I get it…." This is the part when I try to play strong.
"Of course you get it." Her sarcastic tone isn't really affecting me. "If you get it, then stop acting like a child and kiss me." She scoots even closer, and grabs my face, but I shake myself out of her hands.
"Bella, it's getting late, and you have a long drive. Just go, I'll be fine…I always am." I mutter that last part, because I really don't want her to know just how hard it is when she goes away.
She gets up, and starts pacing the room, collecting her belongings in each pass while she rambles in exasperation. "You just don't understand. I'm trying so hard at my job - at my life - to keep everything in check. It's hard enough living a double life and having to deal with all the people around me. The only reason I keep coming back is because I thought you understood, but you're being an ass today and I—she stops herself there, when her voice breaks at the end. She's crying now and I'm out of the bed and at her side before her second tear leaves her eye. I'm holding her to me and letting her whisper broken words to my chest.
"It's ok, don't cry. I do understand. I'll be here when you come back. I'll make you feel better after your busy week."
And before she gets a word out of her mouth, I'm kissing her, and she's sighing into my mouth and moaning. My hands are in her hair, and I'm holding her face while I kiss her frustration away. These are the kisses that kill me; when Ihave to comfort her, even though she'sthe one leaving me.
"I promise I'll come again, as soon as I can…I can't stay away from you for long…"
I shush her with another kiss, and then she's out of my arms, and putting on her jewelry. When I see that damn gold band slide across her finger, I want to kill myself.
She turns around and kisses me on the cheek. "See you soon, babe."
Then she's out of the door and I'm left with the pain I know too well, because she's going back to him, while I'm left in the dark, like the dirty little secret I am.
My only hope it's that maybe when she gets sick of him again, she'll come back to me.
It has nothing to do with work.
But it's better than nothing, and I'd rather have this than live without her, because I love her enough to live with the little bit of herself she's willing to give me.
Because maybe, just maybe…if she comes back again, I'll be able to convince her to stay for good.
Thanks for reading.