I sat at the dinner table by myself like I've done every night since I left the army. Dad is gone, Savannah's gone, my life is gone. I have no one besides bar buddies and acquaintances. There's no life left in me. My passion was fighting for my country, and I was injured, so my career is over. But yet life carries on.
It's Sunday. Lasagna for dinner, as always, since I was a child.
I looked at the bottle of dark red wine through the glass cabinet. It's been there since before my father died.
Savannah drank wine when Tim started her on it.
She never drank with me.
I don't regret joining the Army. I don't regret selling my father's coin collection. I don't regret my relationship with Savannah.
I learned my lesson from her; People hurt you.
People can hurt you more than pain can itself. Savannah hurt me more than the bullet through my shoulder, or the scar above my eye, or the fights from my teenage years. Those wounds were temporary. They left a mark on my skin but not on my heart.
Savannah left me alone. I loved her and she left, and took my heart with her. The pain from Savannah wasn't temporary, it didn't leave a mark, but it certainly never left my mind. It's permanent, in my heart and soul.
I forgive her for leaving. It's her life, she can do anything with it, even if it means hurting other people along the way. That's what life is. We try to be good but we destroy others, sometimes without even knowing.
I forgive her, but I can't forget what she did to me.
I haven't seen her in years and I have no desire to. The harsh reality is that she doesn't love me. She didn't choose me, and I can't force her to. And yet, I wonder if she'll every find me. I wonder, when I think about her, if she's thinking about me. I wonder if she holds her thumb up to the moon every night like I do.