A/N: Sorry this is slightly depressing. Oh well. I love River.

A long time ago, I met the most wonderful man in the universe. I was so young then. But he knew me. Everything I was going to be. He held so much promise in his eyes. I let him show me everything the universe could offer.

Whenever he would leave, I would stare into the blue of my diary, knowing he'd be back. My fingers would trace the panels of the book, remembering every moment with him. Every step, every word, every face. One day our paths would cross and I would run with him again. He was my Doctor.

And now and again, I would have to remind him… I would have to tell him where we stood. As the pages in my diary began to fill up, his seemed to have less and less writing…

I knew then, that everything would change.

I realized that someday, I would meet him and his eyes would be blank. I would be a stranger. It would tear my heart to shreds, seeing him know less and less.

We were a paradox, and I knew it.

Oh Doctor, I know when that day comes, you'll blame yourself. Of course, you've always known. Spoilers, you'd whisper.

And now, more and more, I find myself being the one to say it. I smirk and I wink at you and you grin, clueless. I wonder if you got the line from me, when I've heard you say it so much in my life.

Every time you leave, I hope it won't be the last time. I hope more and more that I might see you once more before I die. With you, there's no guarantee. I don't care about my death anymore, because I know that I might as well die the day you ask my name.

You are my life, Doctor. From when I was just a small child to now, it's all been for you. I've spent my life chasing you. Not every companion of yours has luck like mine. I've had a life of you, and I know that when the day comes, that will truly be the end.

And I know what I'll say, when you ask (and you will; you always know what questions to ask). I'll just smile and fight the tears. I'll look you in the eyes, and I'll leave you with the word in your memory.


All my love,

River. xxx