GANON STEALS WORLD'S CHOCOLATE

(AP) CASTLE TOWN, HYRULE

Frustrated with his inability to get American voters to take him seriously despite so many other candidates that are clearly more ridiculous, the Dark Lord Ganondorf has seized the world reserves of chocolate. Using his evil sorcery, the Dark Lord has stolen every bit of chocolate and its vital ingredients and is holding them in an unknown location until all world governments acknowledge him as Earth's Supreme Tyrannical Overlord.

Ganondorf, looking a tad overweight and with chocolate stains still in his beard, once again agreed to give an exclusive interview for our readers.

I'm not surprised you'd do something like this, but why chocolate?

Ganondorf: "Have you ever actually had any of this stuff? This is quite possibly the best-tasting thing in the entire world. The only other thing I could have taken to guarantee a quick conquest would be coffee, though that wouldn't work on the British, so I'd have to take their tea. And you don't take tea from the British."

Seriously, you could have taken anything. Chocolate?

"Think about it. How long can you really live without chocolate once you've had it? All of Earth will be submitting any time now, just so I'll give it back." *waves chocolate bar under reporter's nose*

Give me that! I haven't had any chocolate in three weeks and I'm going crazy!

*yanks out of reach* "No. See?"

You're right. Diabolical fiend...

"They don't call me the King of Evil for nothing."


Author's Note: There are some types of evil too horrible to contemplate... ;P

I actually wrote this a while ago; I just forgot to post it here until today. Sorry about that.