-As you all know SM owns all twilight related and she is great right?
AN -First of all I'm sorry for the delay on the update. RL got in and things went wilder and wilder each day.
Pixielee, my Beta, my friend, thank you for taking a moment of your busy life for this. Together we made this baby grow up and I'm very proud of it.
April I'll never forget your suggestions and the way you helped me turning a blur into a fic, and congrats for Carter for who i send all my love.
To my friends Gail, Em and Karen thank you girls for reading every chapter with such great reviews.
C, I'm sorry if I missed some night shifts but you can imagine why.
For all those that read and review this story many thanks you guys made me stronger and helped making me write one after another.
I'm sad to say that for now this will be the last chapter of Lost in the Ocean.
I'm almost sure now that I said this that it won't be the last of these two because so much is still to tell and wrap before it ends but that will take a while.
I love this fic and it made me so happy these past months that it's not fair for the story, me and the readers to say it's over.
I'll do my best to make things work in the future and tell what is still in my mind.
This is not a goodbye, but a see you soon.
Now let's see if you guys like how this goes.
Enjoy and maybe grab some tissues :)
Once I had boarded the plane and got myself settled I caught myself gazing out the window reflecting over the past few days, getting anxious wasn't good for the baby so I tried to control my breathing. The emotions that I went through, the crying, screaming and laughing, they took over that the fear I felt… I about turned and didn't board this flight.
I glance over to the other isle and smile at the sight of my dearest brother Jasper, his hand covering that of his one true love, Alice. We couldn't be seated together in fact we were lucky we got seats together at all!
After Christmas, it's very hard to get plane tickets in and out the islands because there is a surge of students returning to their dorms on the mainland so they can spend the New Year with their friends and tourists go to the islands to bring in the New Year with some peace and quiet.
Our New Year's Eve used to be a big party with all the family and our friends dancing to the sound of the tape recorder where everyone brought food to the community center.
In the main towns of the islands, there are some fireworks and the firefighters mark their part by buzzing the fire alarm at midnight.
Mostly in the smaller villages, it's TV that shows us the celebrations and we get to watch how the mainlanders celebrate the New Year.
We are one hour behind them, so our TV station makes the rewind of the countdown, and then it's corks and champagne all over the place, kisses and hugs, wishes of a Happy New Year and so on.
The party goes on until the last person goes home, normally the teenagers, which have that night especially dedicated to drink with an excuse; hang out with friends and go home when the sun is already rising for the new day.
I'll miss that part. We always enjoy the New Year and the excuse to go late to bed early in the morning. Last New Year I was with Alice and Jasper when our parents left around two a.m., so Dad's deputy could enjoy a bit of the night. Emmett joined us at the disco and the rest of that night is still a little blur to me…James was there I remembered, smiling.
What I won't miss at all is the selective hangover that seems selective when we go to the first mass of the year… something I never got, but as a tradition all of the Swan and now Alice got all dressed up for it.
Yesterday at Christmas lunch, we all sat around the table and with one of those rare opportunities that the whole family was together I took my chances on bringing up my whole story.
Maybe that was a little too much of a Christmas gift for my parents, but weird as our life had been lately, my pregnancy, Edward lost and found and us going to the mainland together was something our family took in a word or better saying four words: "Better than I thought".
At first my parents where concerned and a bit angry with me for getting pregnant and announcing it in front of Alice's parents on Christmas wasn't their ideal of breaking the news, but after Alice, Jasper and Rose interfered, all seemed to get on track.
Alice let them know how she'd found him, with enthusiastic details of the whole trip to mainland.
Jasper told them the way he found me when he was in Green Island s and got a hard time with my parents for hiding that part of the trip from them.
Then came along Rose to save the day. Giving her marriage as an example she asked which they'd prefer, for me to be with a man I don't love and can hurt me as time goes by or with someone I'm sure loves me and needs me and our baby now?
That about summed up the conversation and only Alice's parents got to talk about not liking her and Jasper living together.
Then it was my turn to help out saying that Jasper was going for me and the baby, and it would be absurd for the three of us to live in two apartments when we could split the rent and stuff.
Not that our parents are total morons. They know why and how things are going to work with those two. They've been together since they were kids and everyone knows how that will end.
Funny that after Cris woke up, the subject changed to daily stuff avoiding any of the things we'd mentioned at the table and the day was almost perfect, if only I could forget about Edward alone in that bed without knowing who he was and Esme waiting and waiting for Carlisle to wake up.
That was another great development in progress. After Doc Riley, which Alice is very proud to call her teacher; talked to his chief and the procedures for Carlisle to be released gradually from the induced coma took place.
Now he's wakening two hours a day, just the enough time to start gradually coming back by himself. Esme can stay with him for a while when he's awake but only for short moments so he won't ask much questions that they prefer to wait to answer.
He already knows his family had and accident and Edward is amnesic.
She has been authorized to talk about me and the baby to fill in the absence of his parents and grandparents.
So as she tells him our story they spend time together and then she leaves.
I would be pissed at myself if I was her. Only two hours with your boyfriend and only able to talk about your brother's romance? Well, let's hope I can help on that with my presence around Edward… and they're comes the anxiety. I know he won't remember our love but something inside me tells me he'll remember me. That's what I'm hoping for…if he doesn't I'm not sure I can take the disappointment. What if he never remembers me? It would be as if we never met each other. If he doesn't recall me at all, how can I tell our baby about his father? What if all of this is a bad idea after all and I should forget about going to him? I can't stand the pain in my chest, I'm losing it… I'm gonna lose my baby, I need to calm down, breath Bella Breath… can't think of bad things…What if ….
I hear a man next to me asking if I'm ok then Alice's and Jasper's voice far, far away, as I let my mind shut off.
I sense that today must be an important day…everyone around me seems more nervous than usual.
Yesterday was Christmas day and the room is still decorated in red and green as if not only the occasion was special but the time to come also. Something is the air as if Santa is really coming or something. Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks again, like that day I saw that cute little girl that passed out.
After that I've been told that they are going to reduce the drugs gradually until my body can tolerate the pain, so I don't think that is what they are celebrating.
Maybe the fact that they found my brother, that is also in a hospital is what makes people so happy around me, as if finding my brother, who I can't remember will bring me back.
Vicky is the only normal one around me, not really normal because she has become a bit quiet and sad. Maybe spending the holidays working is what bothers her, which I have to say I understand. I can't remember my latest holidays but I can remember playing around a Christmas tree with another kid and adults shouting at us to be still.
I can remember presents under a tree and sneaking down the stairs to take a peek at those which I thought was mine, but no names in the packages… wait, there's a name on one… a big box. I try to make my mind go to that small piece of paper so I can see the name on it but the pain strokes me and I know it's time to stop or else the whole floor will come in with all the bells ringing in warning.
"Calm down…Edward" I hear Vicky's voice "Don't push so much, your blood pressure is rising too fast" I open my eyes to see her fidgeting the bag to the top of my head. She can't drug me now. I can't handle it, so I try to catch her before she does.
"Please" my voice seemed strange even for me… as if it was a long gone gift that somehow on this day was showing up and I saw Vicky's face radiant as she out the corridor. "Doc Riley, Doc"
He was outside I bet because he got in as soon as she called him.
I shut my eyes. I was tired but needed to rest on my own, not with drugs. I knew something was going to happen I felt it in the air, maybe if shutting my eyes a bit I would gather enough strength …
"He spoke Doc! When I went to adjust his meds he said please, as if he didn't want me to administer any medicine" She said in an excited tone and his answer was of the same tone.
"Good, that's very good. He's coming out of it slowly. He is understanding what's around him" a moment of silence followed "Let's let him rest a bit but keep on checking his vitals. If he gets over excited he won't be able to stay awake."
I knew it; I knew I had to be awake for some reason. I tried to say something but I was so tired I knew it wouldn't comeet out right and maybe even make it worse. Staying quiet was the best way for me to find out what was about to happen.
"I was just on the phone with them. She passed out on the plane but is ok now. It was just anxiety. The military car went to pick them at the airport and in maybe one hour or so they'll be here." He said in a whisper but I could still hear him as they left my side.
Someone important was coming for me! He talked about a "she" but no names… and "she" passed out. I wonder why? Was "she" Sick? Who was she?
I decided to make my body and mind rest. I had a sort of battle in a few minutes and I needed the rest.
Great move Bella!
Passing out in a plane ready to land was the perfect moment… Why did I have to think so much? I know how that makes me and I should've stopped it, but the fear and uncertainty of the next few hours where too much for me.
"Bella?" Jasper whispered in my ear and I looked up at him from the airport's wheel chair, not realizing that I had shut my eyes again and a frightened Alice was kneeling in front of me, outside in the dark night where we waited for a car.
After I woke up they were so terrified I could see that I must have been out cold for a long time. I was no longer in my seat but next to them with both front and rear seats empty, giving me space to lay in a more comfortable position. The first thing I remember was Jasper whispering in my ear for me to wake up, that we were landing and that soon the trip would be over.
A host stood by our seats when I opened my eyes, ignoring the preventive measures when landing that everyone should be sitting and I felt like a stupid brat putting myself the baby and these people in risk just because I had a panic attack.
Shaking my head I came back to the present moment, already on the ground and tried with the best normal tone voice I could to reassure them I was ok.
"I'm ok. I was just taking a deep breath." The voice came out in a lower tone that I wished and I hoped that this feeling, this panic would go away. I was almost there, I couldn't break now. If I did maybe they wouldn't let me see him…
I saw as Alice looked up at Jasper with an inquisitive look as if reassuring this was a good idea.
I knew my best friend and before she or Jasper had the chance I tried harder to reassure them I was ok.
"Guys, I said I'm ok. I had a panic attack; my mind shut it, now it's all good. I'm ready to go!" even I was reassured with my own little speech. I was ready. I was more than ready and needed this to get through all the insecurity.
Seeing Edward would take all those thoughts away, he recognizes me or he doesn't and we'll go from there.
A dark car, that under the light seemed blue, stopped in front of us and a navy officer came out.
"Mr. Swan" he said approaching Jasper's side "I'm here to drive you to the hospital" his tone formal but friendly.
Without any doubt the navy was taking this thing about Edward and Carlisle very serious to make an officer our driver. He cleared that instantly.
"My name is Charles, I was a good friend of the Cullen's" his tone aggravated as he spoke "I was devastated with the accident and I have been the one responsible for Carlisle's internment and keeping all the Cullen's things together for him." He went on making a motion for us to get in the car and Jasper helped me up and into the car while he explained "When we found out about Edward we were so glad that he was alive that all of the friends came together to make things even better for them when they get home"
That was a long shot, even I knew that. Each one of the brothers couldn't leave the hospital in the near future, not in their conditions, but then again I was wrong.
"After we talked to Esme's parents, wonderful people, they've assure us that they also thought that taking both of them home would be for the best, so we had some modifications done and they can even be in the same room"
Ok…. We are talking about the navy but even so….
"I'm sorry sir." I interrupted before I got more confused "How is that possible or even better than being in a hospital with people taking care of them all day?"
He looked to me from the rear mirror "I'm sorry, Bella right? Jessica and Esme told my daughter all about you. The last days it seems my phone never stops ringing, when it's not Jessica wanting to know more news, it's Esme.
"Jessica?" I asked in shock.
Jessica! I forgot about her! How could I! She was his best friend…but how did she know? Alice squeezed my hand and I knew I would learn about that later.
"Yes. Jessica and my Lauren were friends…well until Lauren broke Edward's heart and Jessica took his side. I'm sure that they were right. My Lauren used to be a bit…out of her head. Thank God that's over" He said more for him that for us.
Lauren, Edward's old girlfriend … oh my… there it comes again … but Alice as always knowing me so well squeezed my hand again and I took a deep breath and asked again, getting back on track.
"So the navy is planning to take them home? With all the equipment, assistants and nurses?" My doubts of such an effort for them, was still hard to deal with.
"Bella, they are the last of the Cullen's. Their grandfather and father where, I can assure you, the best and most respected officers we had and this seems the least we can do for them."
That summed it. The navy takes care of their own, Edward had once told me that and that appears to be true. I was glad they had still that much comfort around them. Even if Edward couldn't recognize me at least he had people beside him that cared about him and Carlisle.
I shivered as I saw the big building in front of us. The time to panic was gone. Now I had to be certain of this. I realized that like always I had one hand on my belly as Alice covered it with hers.
"It's all gonna be ok Bella, we will be with you all the time. Let's hope for the best ok?" I heard the unspoken part of her concern. Even if he didn't recognize me I couldn't let hope leave me and be strong as I had been the last few months.
Although I always had the feeling he was alive, somehow now that I was sure he was, the biggest fear was that he wouldn't know me.
I took a deep breath and in a secret talk with my baby I reassured that I would do everything to make this work.
I heard noise in the hall and opened my eyes. I must have slept a while because now the curtains where shut and the only noise in the floor were the whispers outside my room.
I saw Vicky peeking in and when she saw that I had woken she went to the hall again.
I felt nervous and a bit weird with this kind of hide and seek, I tried to lift myself a bit to make take own peek outside. It was hard but I managed to slide up the bed a bit, but still no way I could look out.
Doc Riley caught me bending over as he came in and smiling and nodded in the way the older do when they catch a kid making some foolishness.
"Ah! You're awake" And curious I see!"
I heard the commotion outside and frowned.
"Look, Edward we need you to be calm and relaxed. Outside are people that know you and we hope that when you see them you can remember them. It's hard and not a very nice thing to do in your condition but we need to make you came back and get on with your life"
So that was what they were planning! Thank God they didn't tell me earlier because now I was nervous, what if I didn't recognize the people outside? Who were they? My parents?
What if I didn't recognize them as I suspected already would happen. Could that mean it was gone forever? My short life erased from my mind?
I shut my eyes making and effort to stay calm but the ringing in the equipment denunciate my nervous state and Vicky came in.
"Doc. Riley, I'm not sure this is a good idea. He's already too edgy, it could be worse for him." I heard concern in her voice but also something else, but couldn't figure out what and now I had other stuff to deal with anyway.
"I-I'm ok" I said and her face as before was radiant to hear my voice.
Doc Riley nodded and told Vicky "Vicky I know you're worried as I am, but this young boy has to make an effort to wake up and grab his life again." He put one hand on my shoulder looking serious at me and I did my best to seem calm and ready, even though I wasn't.
"Bring her in" he said and Vicky turned her back.
More commotion in the hall and light steps inside and then I saw her.
I had no doubt in my mind I knew her. She kept me alive and sane since I realized I was in the hospital. She was my beautiful dream girl with her brown hair falling down as in my dreams. Her beautiful face, with those big brown eyes, looking as scared as I felt.
I didn't want to assume, but she seemed really as nervous as I was. With one hand on her belly, while the other was held by the cute girl that passed out in my room a few days ago. Behind them was a guy with a concerned look with his hands on both of the girl's shoulders, very protective.
"She" was the first to take a step forward and the rest of the room froze waiting for my reaction.
I tried to find the name that fitted that face but the only word around my head was "Bella" as if this was the only word that I could call her. But then, I froze. What if Bella wasn't her name? I heard the other girl say "Edward" and "Bella" before she passed out the other day, but what if I got it wrong?
One thing I was sure I knew her, I loved her more than my own life. She was with me all the time even in my sleep and remembering, her made me came back to life. She had been the person for whom I've waited even thought I didn't now how or why. I had to say something. I could notice her gaze on me waiting and that nervous hand on her belly.
Then something snapped as I heard my own voice inside my head.
"Oh my God, please protect my Bella and our baby! I'll be there as soon as I can… Take care of her for me. Please God. I beg you let her be safe!" then screams and the world turned inside out as I whispered.
"I will always love you Bella."
Did I just hear him say that?
Can this be true? Did Edward recognize me?
Tears filled my eyes and I went forward forgetting all of the doctor's recommendations, I took his fragile hand in mine. He seemed so week, so fragile but his hand was warm and when we touched it seemed as if the rest of the world didn't exist. Just our hands, holding in the universe, united again.
I was unable to say a word since I saw him and now I knew that it would be a good time to say something but as in some great moments of our life's, silence is more important than words. He must have the same need. Only his eyes, now watered by emotion I hoped, were trying to say the words his month wouldn't. With a slight movement of his finger on my palm I knew he wanted to be like we were. Quiet, still, enjoying the moment.
Bella, my Bella. She was holding my hand and somehow that made the rest of the world a blur. Nothing else mattered. Bella was here. She was safe.
Water filled my eyes and I knew that all those tears hiding for so long where loose.
My Bella, my love. The girl that gave me everything and asked for nothing. The one that I gave my heart and soul to and the one that brought me back to life only by existing.
If she existed so would I.
I looked to her belly and when she followed my gaze, came even closer and covered with my hand her belly and her hand on top of mine.
The fear of that night, all the craziness that my life had, was and would be, was gone.
She was pregnant.
I didn't know how I knew then, but now I was sure.
She… We…. Our baby.
I made an effort to talk, to say something but I couldn't, tears flowed down my cheeks as a wild river, releasing all the held in fear of losing her, of dying that night and never seeing her again.
She bent down slowly and tears dropped in my cheek. Mixed tears with one emotion in common.
"I love you Edward" she said in a whisper and brushed my lips with a kiss.
The noise around, suddenly intruded our moment.
The equipment started they're usual ringing alarm, but this time no nurse or doctor came in. They were, I could see still next to me on the other side, while Alice and Jasper stand behind Bella.
Not a dry eye in the house.
Every single person in the room witnessing our emotion, our love.
She had brought me back. I could remember everything now that I knew she was safe. My mind no longer closed to my biggest fear: Losing Bella.
Thanks for reading.
I never asked for reviews but I would like to know, even those that don't usually review what you think, as a "see you soon" gift.
Thank you all for being out there
All my love for you guys