"Sam left.. again."
The words kept ringing in his head, and he couldn't stop himself from smiling at the mere thought of it. Yes, Gregory House M.D, smiled to himself about the fact that his best friend through 20 years had been dumped again. James 'Panty Peeler' Wilson had an awful reputation of keeping women. He'd even tried marrying three of them, but none of them had stuck around. Now he'd resorted to going back to the first one he'd married, and actually got down on his knee in front of her for the second time in his life, but that had resulted in her leaving. House was more than pleased. Secretly, House would swell in the knowledge that he'd had a hand in breaking off most of Wilson's relationships. Not to say that Wilson himself hadn't contributed the biggest factor; it wasn't just for fun that Wilson had a reputation of being the 'panty peeler'. House hadn't had anything to do with Wilson and Sam breaking up the first time - House only met Wilson when he was on the cusp of his first divorce - but he knew that he'd had a hand in breaking up Wilson's relationships with Bonnie, Julie and.. well, Amber. He hadn't intentionally done too much yet to try and break up Wilson and Amber, but he was planning on it - but then she died. He still shuddered at the thought of the look Wilson gave him, after Amber had been taken off bypass. House had been lying in his hospital bed, after having very dangerous brain stimulation done trying to help save Amber, and Wilson just stood there, looking at him with such hurt and contempt in his eyes, that House nearly cried from the severity of it. His best friend wasn't supposed to be looking at him like that, especially not after he'd just risked his life to save the woman he loved. House hated to dwell on these memories, they always made him so sad, remembering how Wilson had left him after that, stating that perhaps they were never friends to begin with. House, who had always prouded himself on not showing emotions, had wanted to curl up on Wilson's couch and cry after Wilson had left his office. He nearly did. You see, Wilson leaving his and House's friendship behind, meant more to House than it did to Wilson. Because to House, they weren't just friends. Well, they were, but House didn't just feel love towards Wilson that could be described as feelings you have for your best friend. To be completely honest, House was in love with Wilson. Madly, truly, deeply.
House had almost always loved Wilson, but he didn't realize he was in love with him, till after he had left. When House woke up after having brain stimulation, and he saw that it was Cuddy in the chair next to him, he had never been so disappointed in his life. Of course he knew that Wilson had to be with his dying girlfriend, but that thought didn't make it hurt any less. He needed Wilson with him. It was after Wilson had looked at him with such hurt and contempt, while in his hospital bed, that House had had to come to terms with his true feelings. He had hurt Wilson, and he would never forgive himself for doing so, and he swore to do his best to never do it again. That's why it hurt so much more when Wilson decided to leave. House had finally realized how much Wilson meant, and then he just.. left.
Wilson had come back, but then House had broken down. He was broken. He'd admitted so himself. Mayfield had been one of the toughest things he'd had to go through, which was saying something, as he had had plenty of bad things happen to him during his life. But aside from being abused as a child, the infarction, Stacy's betrayal and everything else, the worst thing he'd ever gone through, was the time without Wilson. Of course, he would never tell Wilson this. Wilson would never understand House's feelings towards him, he would never understand how deep a yearning House felt towards his best friend, and House knew that even if Wilson should one day realize what House felt, he would never ever reciprocate those feelings. So House just tried to minimize his own pain. Meaning that whenever Wilson started seeing someone, House did his best to break it up, without being too obvious about it. It hurt too much to see Wilson spread his affection on somebody else. Whenever Wilson was single, House was the only person in his life he spent his time with, and House loved that. So he had scared off a lot of nurses in his time, keeping them from Wilson. Now Sam had left him again, and House had indeed threatened her a bit, but it still took some time for her to leave Wilson.
Just as House was sat, tossing Bally up in the air, relishing in the fact that there was no case, Wilson was single again and he wasn't doing clinic duty, Cuddy came through the doors. She smiled a she walked in, looking at her boyfriend caught up in his own thoughts. House only noticed her when she took hold of the foot he had placed on his desk.
"Why aren't you in the clinic, catching up on hours?"
"Very important business going on in here- I've started seeing into the future, and I'm already solving my next case. So I'm already working. Can't multitask, sorry."
"If you don't get your ass down in the clinic, you're not getting any sex tonight" she warned.
"Ah, no need. Going over to Wilson's. Sam left, so we're going through the usual pity party drinking fest. No fit state to drive back after that." She glared at him.
"You know, you could just order a cab! You haven't even told me this, and now you just expect me to say 'Okay House, I'll see you tomorrow', when I was planning on us spending the evening together? Why didn't you say something sooner?" she was getting really agitated.
"Because Wilson only just fucking told me over lunch, okay? I didn't know that I had to rush off to your office and relay every single piece of information he gives to me, the second after he's done doing so. But I told you now, you happy? And did you even stop to consider how Wilson's taking this, or do you think I just intentionally decided to annoy you by breaking him and Sam up?" he was so pissed off. How dare she just start acting all betrayed? He had a right to go over to his best friend's place whenever he damn wanted it, and the fact that she hadn't even spared Wilson's feeling a single thought, annoyed the hell out of him.
"Is he.. is he okay?" she asked tentatively, sensing how worked up House had gotten.
"Not really. That's why I'm going over there. Never said that it was because I didn't wanna spend time with you, so stop taking it personally." He spat out.
She walked up next to him and put and hand on his cheek and softly said "All right, you go to Wilson's tonight, and then tomorrow you'll come over, I'll cook dinner, and I'll make this missed night up to you, how does that sound?" She smiled at him. He put on a stiff smile, and said "Okay, but I'm not going down to the clinic." She bent down, and kissed him affectionately, "Yes you are.", and left his office.
House admired her butt as she left. He knew that being with Cuddy was just a consolation prize. He meant it when he had told her he loved her, but he also knew that he wasn't in love with her. But he just didn't wanna end up alone. She was his last chance at happiness, at not being a miserable old man dying alone. He knew that he was never gonna have Wilson the way he wanted him, so he was willing to settle for Cuddy. Even though she did get his blood boiling too often, and the fact that she kept trying to change him. She'd said herself that she didn't want him to change, but House had discovered that that wasn't true. He did his best to not piss her off most of the time, he got tired of arguing with her, but it was just so hard when she tried changing him all the time. But he was willing to accept her flaws, he knew that the alternative was so much worse.
Also, pursuing Cuddy had been an excellent way of not showing Wilson how he truly felt about him. Wilson had never suspected that House had feelings for him when they were living together, because he knew that House was going after Cuddy. House knew he'd been a bit flirty with Wilson - he couldn't help it when he looked into those chocolate brown eyes - but it helped that Wilson thought that House was madly in love with Cuddy, and therefore just saw House's flirtiness as one of his attempts of jerking Wilson around. When Wilson had bought House that organ, House had had to use every single ounce of control he possesed, to not jump Wilson that instant. The way Wilson had looked at him, and the thought he must have put into that organ, was so overwhelming, and House thought he saw a flicker of something, and he'd had to spend days talking himself down, telling himself that it was just his imagination playing tricks on him.
He got off his ass, and headed towards Wilson's office.
He barged in without notice, to find the oncologist with his nose buried in some paperwork.
"What time do we leave?"
"I've got a few more hours left of this, then we're heading out" Wilson replied. "Did you clear it off with Cuddy?" he inquired.
"I'm not a baby, I can do what I want.. But yeah." House said, slightly embarassed. "You don't have a Game boy charger round here, do you? Cuddy's withholding sex for clinic hours, and I have do something, but my Gameboy's dead." House asked, that smug look on his face.
Wilson grimaced, "No House, I do not have a Gameboy charger here, cos this is where I work. I keep my toys at home." House couldn't let this surpass.
"Where? In a box in the back of the closet? Come on Wilson, shout it loud and proud - I have toys!" House smirked at the blush on Wilson's cheeks.
"You know perfectly well what I meant. Now go and do your clinic hours, or I will have to endure a sex deprived House and that just doesn't seem like a glowing prospect. I'll pick you up when I'm done." House turned on his heel and left.
After 3 hours in the clinic - 1 of which had been spent with actual patients, 2 of which had been spent in front of his little portable TV - Wilson was ready to go, and came to pick up House.
It was still weird, walking into the loft knowing he didn't live there anymore. His room was still barely touched, the only real difference was that it didn't hold any of House's stuff anymore. The rest of the apartment looked the same. It was all back to normal. Those things that Sam had brough were now gone, and even though it had only been a few things here and there, House had hated it so bad. It didn't feel like home when he was there anymore. Well, to be fair, it wasn't his home anymore, but it still felt that way. He'd always felt at home wherever Wilson lived, because it held something of Wilson, but this place had in fact been his home for some time, so it was completely normal that he still felt so at ease with everything in the place.
This ritual of getting together whenever one of Wilson's relationship ended, wasn't really different to any other night when they just hung out. The only slight difference was that Wilson often wanted to talk a bit more than usual, but House had learned to accept that. He wasn't joyous about it, but being able to - for the first - trash talk whoever Wilson had been with, without the fear of reprucossion, made it tolerable.
So they ordered pizza, sat down in front of the TV with their beers, and as usual on these very few occasions, Wilson got to hold the remote. Normally House would have full control over it, but House let this humane side of him show during these post-break-up nights, and let Wilson take charge for once.
After a couple of hours, the pizza was gone, and they'd had a bit to drink. They were both practically laying down on the couch, there feet up on the coffee table. House knew that the talk about Wilson's feelings was coming up, and he'd rather get it over with fast, so that they could get really drunk after. Until now they hadn't had that much to drink, it was still relatively early, and they weren't planning on getting hammered untill after 'the talk'. That was how it had always been, and tonight was gonna be no exception.
House decided to initiate the talk, the sooner it started, the sooner it would end.
"So, er, it's nice to see the place back to its old self" he said, with an air of nonchance.
Wilson sighed, "Yeah." He went silent for a few moments, House could almost feel him thinking. "I'm actually really glad" he added after a bit.
House turned to look at him. He was sitting about a foot away, so the sudden head turn wasn't lost on Wilson, who answered his unspoken question: "Getting back together with her was an awful mistake, you were right, okay? Do your happy dance, I know you want to." House just smirked, and even though he tried - or, he tried telling himself he tried - not to say it, he couldn't stop himself. "Told you so." House looked back at the TV screen, but the way his best friend turned his head to look at him, didn't go unnoticed. He just didn't turn his head to return the stare.
"So, what, you slept with someone else again to end it?" House asked with a bit of a superior tone. Wilson knew that House didn't approve of his earlier philandering, but it didn't stop him from mentioning it in any context.
"No!" He said very solemnly, and fast. "I didn't.. I just.. Talked to her. Made her understand some.. things. It's alright, she understood how I... felt. It's okay." House noticed Wilson change of tone. He turned to look at his best friend, who was looking down at his knees, a slight blush in his cheeks.
"What aren't you telling me?" House demanded. His voice a bit harsh. He hated playing the "Guess what I'm not telling you"-game. It was such a girly quality Wilson posessed. "You know I'm gonna get it out of you eventually, might as well tell me now" House said, and air of finality in his words, he knew that he could get Wilson to cave, so did Wilson.
But, Wilson just kept staring at his knees, so House turned his attention back to the screen, still deadly curious as to what Wilson was keeping from him. But he wouldn't press it, now at least. Later, definitely. If Wilson wouldn't tell him now, it was only a matter of getting more alcohol into his system. House looked at the screen without really noticing what was going on. Possibilites about what Wilson was hiding floating around in his head. Sam had understood how he felt? Well, of course she had understood if Wilson had told her he didn't love her? Why did Wilson have such a hard time telling House that mundane fact? Wilson would forever be the greatest puzzle in House's life. And he loved it.
Wilson whispering some undecipherable words pulled House from his pretend-to-watch-TV-trance.
"Come again?" House said, looking at Wilson.
Wilson looked at him, a strange look on his face. He picked up the remote, and turned off the TV. House imagined that the look on his own face must have been a weird one. When had they ever turned off the TV, before they were going to bed, or had passed out from being too drunk? Wilson turned to face House, and House gulped. This was obviously serious. Worrying thoughts came rushing into House's mind: Was something wrong with Wilson? Was he sick? Why hadn't House noticed anything?
His stream of thought was stopped when Wilson had plucked up the courage to open his mouth.
"I.. broke up with Sam." He stopped. Yes, House knew this, get moving. "Because, I have feelings for someone else." House was intrigued. Wilson never had feelings for someone, and not acted on them, but he'd still insisted that he hadn't cheated. This was getting weird, fast. Wilson had stopped, and had started looking at his knees again. House was getting frustrated. What was so hard that he couldn't even tell his best friend? Who was this other person? House was also hit with an instantaneous jealousy towards whoever this person might be. He had just been relishing in the fact that he had Wilson back, but Wilson apparently didn't intend to stay alone for that long.
House acknowledged the fact that Wilson needed a push, and asked "Who?".
"It's just.. Damn, House, this is so hard." House saw that Wilson's eyes had filled to the brim with tears. House wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold Wilson tight, and never let him go. Never let anything hurt him ever again. Whoever was doing this to Wilson, making him feel this way, could expect the wrath of House upon them soon, he though to himself. He refrained from reaching out and touching Wilson, giving him the space he needed to keep on talking.
"I've been.. denying myself for so long. Not.. accepting who I am. God this is so stupid, why is this so hard?" Wilson was so frustrated the the tears leaked, and ran down his cheeks. "I'm.. in love with you."
House's eyebrows must have flown up as high as they could possibly go, when Wilson suddenly said those words. The words that House had been longing to hear, but had long ago determined that he would never hear, and had therefore put all expectations he had of ever hearing them, way back into his head. So when it finally happened, House was so shocked that he didn't really know how to react. He swallowed a few times, trying to take a few seconds to let reality sink in. He looked at his knees for a bit, not able to look Wilson in the eye, especially as he was crying, and it was tearing House's heart apart.
"How long?" House asked quietly.
"A long time. I don't know exactly when, I think it's just been builiding for many years. I've always known that I felt something more about you, than just friendship, but I tried to deny it. How could I, I'm not gay, so I shouldn't be thinking about a guy in that way. Girls upon girls haven't been able to supress what I'm feeling, and I'm just sick and tired of having to hide. When I see you with Cuddy, I want to punch her. It hurts, House. So bad. I can't.. do it anymore. I can't be around you, loving you, and seeing you with her. I could probably keep up our friendship if you hadn't been with her, but everyday I'm wrecked by jealousy. I can't handle it." He spoke very quickly, tears leaking out from his eyes at a steady pace, the fear of the impact the words he spoke out loud etched upon his face.
House looked at him, processing what he'd just been told. It was as if Wilson was describing how he himself felt. And then, the severity of his words hit House. "I could probably keep up our friendship if you hadn't been with her", was.. was Wilson 'breaking up' with him? No, not again. House started to panic slightly. This couldn't be happening, he couldn't lose Wilson. He could feel his pulse quickening, but then realization dawned. Wilson had just said he loved him. Wilson had just said that he loved him. There was no need for Cuddy anymore. He could have Wilson, he didn't have to lose him ever again. This exchange in his head had taken a few moments, and his eyes had been fixed on his knees during it. He looked up to see Wilson wearing a very confused expression on his face, obviously waiting for House to say something, but still signalling that he hadn't missed the fact that House had just been on the verge of a panic attack.
House turned so he was facing Wilson on the couch, and scooted a bit closer so their knees were touching. It was Wilson's turn to raise his eyebrows now. He had no idea what was going on. House reached out and grabbed one of Wilson's hands, holding it in one of his, and started to rub soothing circles with his thumb on the back of it.
House looked at Wilson's hand as he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?", Wilson, utterly dumb-founded, stuttered a bit "I- only just.. came to terms with it.. recently. When you went to Mayfield, but.. I didn't decide on telling you till the other day, when I broke up with Sam" His voice was very low, and House could sense the confusion implied in it. Wilson was also looking at his own hand in House's.
House took his free hand, and placed it on the side of Wilson's head, cupping his cheek, and making him look up, into House's eyes. Baby-blue met chocolate-brown. House gently drew his thumb along Wilson's cheekbone and said "I only wish you had told me sooner, it would have given us so much more time together", and he couldn't help but smile with his entire face. Wilson's face was one of utter surprise.
"Wha- you?" Coherency was suddenly not something he was capable of, but House knew what he meant, and answered.
"I've loved you for years now, but I never, ever thought that you'd feel the same way about me." House kept his thumb caressing Wilson's cheekbone, and he moved closer and put his forehead against Wilson's, "I'm in love with you, James Wilson" He almost whispered. He looked into Wilson's eyes, and saw how they were filled to the brim with tears. Wilson took the hand House wasn't holding, and put it on the back of House neck, gently running his fingers through the hair on it.
They slowly closed the distance between their lips. The first meeting was very soft, and chaste. Pulling apart a few seconds after, to look into each other's eyes. The tenderness of the moment was overwhelming for both of them. As they moved in again, Wilson's hand helped guide House to him, putting slight pressure on his neck, House cupping Wilson's cheek. Their lips met, and moved in unison. After a few moments of slow movement, Wilson eased his tongue into House's mouth, but without losing any of the tenderness that had so far been expressed in the kiss. House welcomed Wilson's tongue, and gently nudged it with his own. Their hands hadn't moved. They seemed content on having a hold of each other head in each of their ways, and holding the other's hand with the other. Wilson had tears streaming down his face, making the kiss wetter, but so emotional that it nearly hurt. After a few minutes they pulled apart to look at each other. They smiled as they looked at each other, and House realised that that was the single most intense thing he'd ever experienced, and it was only when Wilson moved his hand from the back of his neck, to House's cheek and wiped away the tear that had rolled down from his eye, that he noticed that he had cried too. House gently leaned forward to grab Wilson in another kiss, while pushing him backwards, so they were lying down on couch. Wilson shifted so that he didn't accidentally hit House's bad leg with one of his.
They stayed like that for a while. Gently kissing, exploring the other's mouth, while running their hands through each other's hair, getting used to this new sensation of kissing each other. House had to admit, that Wilson was a damn good kisser. He wanted to stay this way forever, just kissing Wilson with this much intensity, and have Wilson look at him with that look of desire and love. Sometimes they would stop kissing, and just look into each other's eyes, relishing in the look they found on the other's face. They'd both wanted this for so long, and to finally have it was so amazing, that neither man felt like ever letting go again.
After some time their kisses became more frantic, needing and demanding. Their hands had moved from each other's hair, down their bodies, slowly exploring. Wilson ran his fingernails down House's back, and House groaned in Wilson's mouth, causing Wilson to pull back and smile at House before resuming the kiss. House had one hand still placed in Wilson's hair, using the elbow to keep himself propped up, the other had found its way between their bodies, and he was slowly caressing Wilson's nipple through his shirt. Wilson moaned slightly, and moved his mouth from House's, and started kissing House's jawline, and moved down towards his neck. Kissing, sucking, gently running his teeth up and down. House stretched his neck to give Wilson more space to work on, and Wilson reciprocated fully. Wilson's hands were on House's hips, and they were slowly moving down towards his butt. Wilson put his hands underneath House's shirt, and placed them on the small of his back, rubbing circles with his thumbs there, while his mouth was busy working on House's neck. House moaned at the sensation of Wilson's hand underneath his shirt, and boy did that man now how to caress a neck. House found Wilson's mouth with his own again, not being able to stay away from kissing him any longer. As they kissed, Wilson moved to take off House's shirt.
"No." House mumbled against Wilson's lips, but Wilson kept lifting up his shirt, his hands lingering on House chest, gently playing with his nipples. As if House's erection hadn't been painful enough, but Wilson playing with his nipples made him leak a little. Wilson's erection was pressing into House's stomach. It was a very strange sensation, feeling another man's hard on, but it didn't feel weird. Just.. new. Had it been any other man, House thought it would have been the weirdest thing, but this was Wilson, so he actually enjoyed the sensation. Knowing that it was he, House, that had made Wilson get this hard, turned him on even more. He longed for release, but he knew that it shouldn't happen.
When Wilson moved to pull off House's shirt completely, House grabbed the shirt with his own hands, and pulled it down again, repeating himself "No.", and pressed his lips against Wilson's, but Wilson pulled back. He looked at House with the most confused and hurt expression. It dawned on House that denying Wilson to take off his clothes, must have felt like rejection.
House ran his hand down Wilson's cheek to show him that it sure as hell wasn't a rejection.
"We just have to.. wait. I can't do this completely before I end things with Cuddy, I don't want itto start like this. I wan't to be able to give myself to you completely, without feeling bad about it." House smiled at Wilson, and hoped he understood. A small smile broke Wilson's confused expression, and he pulled House down to give him a short, very emotional kiss. When he pulled back, Wilson looked House straight in the eyes and said "I understand. But just.. stay the night?" he asked, his fingers running up and down the side of House's face. House nodded, and leaned in to kiss him again.
In the end they couldn't keep it up. House could practically feel how Wilson's erection was throbbing against his stomach, and his own was painfully struggling against his jeans.
Wilson pulled back and asked "Bed?".
House smiled and said "Yes, but I'm gonna need a cold shower first."
"Me too." Wilson laughed. House finally hoisted himself up off Wilson's body, and Wilson sat up at the same time. Suddenly there was an awkward pause. They were sat next to each other, both of them almost exploding from desire, of lust, and a need to touch one another. But they'd agreed to wait. So they just sat there, both of them with painful erections in their pants. House couldn't help but glance down at Wilson's bulge, and he wanted to reach out and touch it so badly, but contained himself. He'd never, ever thought he'd have the urge to touch another man there, but at this very moment he had to administer every ounce of strength he posessed to not reach out and help Wilson get some release.
After a moment House grabbed his cane and went for the bathroom that was ajoined with his old room. Wilson got up too, and headed for his own bathroom.
House didn't take a cold shower. He got in, and the water had barely hit him before he was touching himself. This hard on was not gonna disappear, and he might as well do something about it. It wasn't cheating if he just handled it himself, alone in a shower. It barely took 20 seconds before he came hard, panting. He smiled at the thought that Wilson had without a doubt just done the same in his shower. He finished his shower, dried himself off, put on his underpants and t-shirt, and went into Wilson's bedroom. Wilson had only had time to put on his pajama pants, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and was drying his wet hair with a towel when House walked in. Wilson stopped what he was doing, to look at House, stood there in nothing but a t-shirt and boxershorts. House felt stirrings all over his body at the mere sight of Wilson shirtless, with wet hair. It was almost too much to handle. He had to walk out for a bit, to calm himself down. He wouldn't be able to get a hard on already, but that didn't mean he shouldn't stop what was already going on in his body.
"I'm just gonna go.. grab some.. er.. water!" House said, having a hard time finding words. Wilson smiled, and went back to drying his hair.
House took his time, getting the water, and did his best to calm himself down. But it was pretty hard to calm down, even a little bit. The man he'd longed for for so long was in love with him too, and he'd just looked at him with such desire that House had for the umpteenth time that evening had to stop himself from doing something he knew he'd regret in the morning.
When House returned to the bedroom Wilson had - thankfully - put on a t-shirt, and his hair was much drier, but he still looked so amazing. Wilson sat down on the bed, and House didn't really know what to do. Yes, they had just confessed their love for each other and spent an indefinite amount of time necking like teenagers, but did Wilson want him to sleep in his bed? House stood in the doorway, not really sure what to do. Wilson looked at him, smiled and beckoned with his head. House felt relief flood his system; he hadn't even realized exactly how much he actually wanted to spend the night in Wilson's bed. He smiled as he went to the other side of the bed, sat down and went under the covers, head resting on the pillow, looking over at Wilson, who was removing his contacts. Wilson climbed under the covers, and lay on his side to look at House. They looked into each other's eyes for a while, and House beckoned for Wilson to move closer. Wilson responded by quickly snuggling up to House, his head on his shoulder, arm resting on his chest. House rested his head on top of Wilson's, dipping his nose into the damp hair and inhaled the intoxicating scent of Wilson's shampoo. House had one hand curled around Wilson's back, and with the other he reached out and took the hand Wilson had on his chest, and intertwined their fingers. Wilson looked up at House, smiled and as House looked down, Wilson kissed him sweetly, briefly.
"Goodnight House." he said, as he laid his head back on House's shoulder.
"G'night Wilson." House smiled as he said it, and made Wilson snuggle closer to him.
House didn't want to go to sleep, he wanted to lie all night, enjoying Wilson's warm body against his own, enjoying the way Wilson's legs were wrapped around his left one, how Wilson breathe felt on his chest, the smell of his hair, his hand in his own. It didn't take too long before Wilson's breathe became more relaxed, and House knew he was asleep. House closed his eyes begrudgingly, knowing that he would need all his strength the next day to talk to Cuddy, and hopefully he would spend the night in the same bed he was in now, but he definitely wouldn't be sleeping. He smiled to himself at the thought, and eventually fell asleep himself.