Ab~ I hope you liked that last chapter. Em and I actually wrote it twice, and the second time around was a hell-of-a-lot better.
I didn't actually mind though, cause it was fun to write. You guys are awesome. Now go read about health class.

Em~ I don't think I'd mind getting the talk from Jasper... ;)


Perched casually on the edge of the front desk was a man. Not old, or balding as we expected him to be, and by no means a virgin considering the picture of him and a beautiful black haired woman posing with small baby girl sitting on each of their legs.

He had a head full of messy golden-blonde hair and evenly tanned skin. He had an easy smile on his face as he chatted to some students and the corners of his eyes crinkled up charmingly. I noticed a twinge of a Texas accent in his honey-like voice. Even leaning back on the desk, I could tell he was over six foot, and he had an obviously sturdy build. I would be lying if I said I didn't think he was gorgeous.

"Is that our teacher?" I asked, leaning up to whisper in Emmett's ear.

"I... Yeah, I guess so," he replied, just about as stunned as I was.

"So, I, um take back every word I said outside of the class room..." I mumbled.

"Are you guys our new students?" he asked, turning towards us as the other students walked away from him and to their desks.

"Um, yeah, guess so," I said, handing him my scheduled. Emmett handed over his transfer slip and he nodded, scribbling his signature onto them.

"Hey, aren't you the kid that repeatedly traumatized Mrs. Blake in art class?" he asked Emmett, and Emmett coughed awkwardly.

"Uh, yeah, that would be me," Emmett admitted, and I tried to not laugh.

"Just between us, I'd be lying if I said that wasn't totally impressive," he said, leaning towards us, and Emmett snickered.

"Thanks man," he said.

"No problem. Anyway, let me just brief you guys. I realize this class could be completely awkward, and everyone is essentially taking it so they can graduate. Anyway, this semester I'm going to attempt to make it as un-awkward as I possibly can. Starting with the fact that you guys can all call me Jasper when we're just in the classroom. Talking about STD's is embarrassing enough without you guys all calling me Mr. Whitlock... And I'm not old enough to be called by my last name, anyway. I'm only 25,"

"That explains a whole bunch Jasper, and Emmett if you don't tell me that story right now, so help me God-"

"Okay, okay, Jeeze. Don't tear my dick off," Emmett agreed, and Jasper laughed saying something about how he would have a replacement if I did.

"Guys!" I exclaimed.

"Okay, okay,"

3rd Person Flashback

"Okay class, I want you to sketch or paint a portrait of someone very important in your life," Ms. Blake, the art teacher informed her third block class eagerly. Despite her enthusiasm, everyone groaned, but walked to their easels to began the assignment.

Edward had decided to paint a portrait of his late Grandmother Helena, whom he had been very close with up until her passing about two years ago. It was an immensely beautiful portrait with great sentiment that he later hung in his room.

Emmett had taken a more vulgar direction on the assignment.

"If that's accurate, then I now understand what Rose sees in you you," Edward whispered to Emmett whilst being blinded by Em's nude portrait of himself. Emmett had, to say the least, made his more manly assets inaccurately larger and disproportionate to the rest of his body.

"Emmett McCarty!" Ms. Blake exclaimed in a shrill voice before fainting on spot. This was no shock to the rest of the class, as Ms. Blake frequently fell unconscious and they attempted to rouse her with smelling salts.

"Whoa... I guess I DO have an enviable body..." Emmett said proudly admiring his work, oblivious to the comatose teacher just behind him.

About a month later:

"Okay class! It's the day we've all been waiting for!" Ms. Blake began before a student interjected.

"The day this class ends?" they questioned with a sarcastic, albeit hopeful tone.

"No, it's sculpting day! And now I want you to sculpt something very close to your heart. Remember, these are the sculptures that we will put out for Fine Arts night! So work hard on your master pieces, my dearests!" The semi-insane art teacher droned on as the high school all grabbed their large portions of clay and sat down in their tables. Edward and Emmett happily sat down at their two person table and began to sculpt.

"Also remember children, if you plan on making a vase you are more than welcome to use the pottery wheel to make your sculptures easier to make."

Suddenly a light-bulb flickered over Emmett's head, he knew what he would sculpt...

Emmett rushed over to the pottery wheel right beside his table and began to make his master piece.

Several minutes later: "E-E-Emmett, is that a giant dick?" Edward asked incredulously, taking his hands off the guitar he had been sculpting.

"Get your mind out the gutter Eddie! It seconds as a vase." Emmett informed him as he rounded off some of the "vases" assets.

"You can put flowers in that damn thing?" Edward questioned with a raised eyebrow, now slightly amused at Emmett's crude work.

"Yup, it's beautiful ain't it? I think I'll give it to your parents for Christmas." Emmett informed him as he continued his work.

"Make that vase as accurate as you can," Edward commanded eagerly.

"Right on it, Sarge," Emmett replied speeding up the pottery wheel to full blast.


"And that's how Emmett got two weeks suspension, three Saturday schools, and is now banned from attending any art classes in the district," Jasper finished.

I began to clap for Emmett, "Are you going to give the vase to Edward's parents?"

"Oh don't worry, I have already wrapped it up and everything for them." Emmett told me grinning eagerly at the thought of Edward's family displaying a giant dick on their front porch.

"Are his parents like complete assholes or something?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, like the ultimate assholes. All they ever do is crush his dreams and compare him to his older brother James. Who is currently attending medical school up in New York," Emmett informed me shaking his head in disgust as he uttered the name James as if it were a curse.

"As interesting as our conversation may be, I have to explain safe sex to a bunch of immature high-schoolers. The district told me not to even bother with the abstinence talk. Just tell them how to prevent over-populating the earth with stupid people," Jasper said, a hint of humor in his voice.

"Okay class, so I hate to start out class like this but... What do you think about abstinence?" Jasper asked as he leaned back onto his desk.

"It's unnecessary!" the beef-heads- AKA the football jocks- in the back cheered. How cliche...

"It's a word that I've never heard before..." Victoria chimed, and Jasper face-palmed.

"It's about waiting till marriage to do the deed," Emmett said in a bored tone, saving Jasper from further aggravation, as his own head slumped into the palm of his hand.

"Thank you Emmett, we wait. And..." Jasper led off into a very uncomfortable conversation about safe sex and all the ways to avoid temptation... Essentially there was only one way for each gender. Go to an all boy/ all girl school.

When the bell rang Emmett and I sighed in relief. As the rest of the class filed out of the room, the two of us walked up to Jasper's desk.

"No offense to you, Jasper, but I fucking hate this class," I said bluntly, much to my relief he just laughed.

"Yeah, the school was short-staffed and Ali, my wife, and I, needed a little extra cash since the baby came... Well that, and Ali has a bit of a shopping obsession. Not to mention the facts that she's allergic to off-brands and the discount rack. I'm the gym coach too," he explained to us.

"Well... I'm glad it's you teaching the class and not some perv or forty year old virgin,"

"Thanks..." Jasper replied, awkwardly rocking back on his heels.


So, despite having both Rose and Emmett in U.S. History, it was proving already to be a class I would hate. It was taught by this sour-faced, pointy-nosed, overly-opinionated woman that had something of a stick up her ass with how particular she was. To make matters worse, the three of us were separated to complete opposite corners of the room, putting finger-guns to our heads as we fantasized dying and not having to listen to Ms. Manson- which is quite a fitting last name- drone on for the remainder of the period.

Just as I was certain I would pop this bitch in the ass with a non-imaginary pistol, the bell rang, and I didn't even bother to hold in my halleluiah.

"Thank sweet baby Jesus!" I cried out, tossing my bag over my shoulder and running three quick strides out of the deepest pit of hell in Forks High.

I waited just outside the classroom for Emmett and Rose, who, I'm assuming, were chuckling due to my outburst and hasty escape. Rose grabbed my arm and I leaned into her, thankful for the friends who had gotten me through a day which otherwise would've just sucked.

"Isn't she sweet?" Rose said, as we walked down the hall.

"Oh just lovely... I wanna go have tea and fuckin' biscuits with her." I muttered in reply, thankful I had packed some advil in my bag this morning.

"On the bright side... I spy Edward Cullen to the east." Rose whispered in my ear before pointing him out amongst the vast sea of insanity surrounding us.

"How will we get to him?" I asked as a giant football player slammed into me effectively knocking me into Emmett's arms.

"Holy Shit! Robert Pattinson!" Emmett exclaimed. Gullible, Rob-obsessed girls stopped mid-stride in the hall way and looked around expectantly, we took this as and opportunity to run through the paused mass of stupidly, and towards our flocked friend.

"Impressive," Edward asked approvingly as we neared him.

"Don't thank me, thank Rob and his patented sex-hair," Emmett responded, patting Edward on the back, as the crowd began moving again.

"I plan on it," Edward said, sans joking, and offered me an adorable lopsided smile.

"So, what are we doing now?" I asked, leaning towards Edward a bit, causing my shoulder to brush his side, he flashed me another smile and grasped my hand in his.

"Obviously, getting the fuck outta this hellhole... Then maybe go paint your bedroom?" Rose suggested shrugging.

"Oooo, what color?" Emmett asked excitedly.

"Black and silver," Me and Rose replied instantly.

"Cool beans, so we'll paint, go eat, then maybe do some homework?" Em told us.

"Yeah... But, I gotta check with my folks first. You know, make sure my mum doesn't blow a gasket when I don't get home the second she wants me to," Edward told us, then pulled out his iphone to send a text to who I assume is his mom. It rang out precisely nine and a half seconds after he send it.

"She said eight at the latest," he sighed. Jesus, that's a tight leash... I squeezed his hand apologetically.

"That's still enough time to do stuff," I replied glancing down at my watch, it was only 3:34.

"Alright, lets do it then," Rose said, and we headed for the doors.

~B's house~

"Emmett, just put a sheet over it! My bed weighs a ton, there's no way you'd move it... None the less, get it to fit out of the door fully assembled."

"Bella stop emasculating me!" Emmett whined girlishy, huffing as he pushed at my bed.

"Oh my God," I said, tilting my head to the side staring at him. Everyone stopped and looked at me.

"What?" they questioned in unison.

"I can't believe you just used a word with more than six letters properly, I'm so proud!" I told him, grinning. I then started to move my bookshelf into the hall, and Edward quickly jumped in to help.

Soon enough everything in my room had been moved into the hallway or covered with a tarp and we all threw on some old clothes before beginning to paint my room.

"This wall is as black as Ms. Manson's sole," Emmett commented, taking a step back to look at the darkly painted wall.

I snorted, "That's hilarious... and horrifyingly true,"

Rose giggled and I turned around to glance at her she was dancing around whilst painting a silver wall,"I think... that by the time we're done painting... we will all be high of the fumes,"

"I think you might be already... Wait! Fuck... Where will I sleep tonight?" I asked turning away from the wet wall to stare at my friends.

Rose shrugged, "You can stay with me."

"Co-ca-co-ca-co-co cool beans, thanks Rosie," I said with a purposeful stutter and a grin.

"No problamo, Swan." Rose replied. Ah, Rose and her failed attempts at speaking spanish.

Satisfied, I turned back to painting. I wonder where my ipod dock is...

Sorry people, we know it's been a while. Sorry. Swear to God it won't be so long this time :) Review please.