Caroline must cope with the overwhelming emotions that circle her body whilst dealing with a dark period in her past. She's pushing everyone away. Will it end well for Caroline though or will she go crazy and end it? Forever.

I love the idea of Caroline being absolutely broken to the point that she can't live any longer. Of course I would never want her to die in the show, but once I had the idea I had to experiment with her. It's basically a small fic about how her insecurities got the best of her and just talks about why she is the way she is. There's going to be a lot of memories that come flooding to her mind about the past. Also how she's coping with the feelings that are flooding her body and how it drives her insane. Literally. Its dark I'll admit but I hope you guys really like it. I would LOVE some feedback. I feel like I'm putting a lot into this fan fiction and praise or constructive criticism will be amazing.


"I guess you're going to have to kill me to get your precious moonstone back" I said through gritted teeth as I stood in a random room hearing people below enjoying themselves. We were at the masquerade bash at the Lockwood's house. My mask was beside me on the floor. Eyes. They were everywhere. Damon's looking furious. Stefan's looking shimmery and full of concern. Katherine's mirroring Damon's and Bonnie's mirroring Stefan's only Bonnie's eyes looked confused as well as concerned. A tear strolled down my face as Damon let out a humourless laugh. I shook my head "It's not like I haven't thought about doing it myself" I admitted. That shut the dick face up. Just a couple a words changed the mood fully and everyone began to understand why I was doing this. It's not like I could just go up to Damon and be all 'Hey take this stake and drive it through my heart would you!'

Obviously not. I had to be sneaky about it.

"Caroline…" Bonnie barley breathed. But my eyes were fixated on the stake in Damon's hands.

"Getting a stake…pushing it through my chest…" I placed the hand that didn't have the moonstone in it, on the left side of my chest were my heart was supposed to be lively beating. "Feeling it as it kills me" I said calmly. Stefan began to move closer to me now.

"Caroline what's gotten into you?" He whispered. I stepped back as he stepped forward which made him stop in surprise.

"Yeah. Just hand over the freaking moonstone Blondie" Damon said angrily as his nostrils. I shook my head. There was no way in hell I was "handing over" the moonstone, so he might as well just kill me.

"No" With that he flashed over to me. A gasp escaped from Bonnie's mouth in shock. I was surprised she hadn't done her creepy little head explosion thing. Damon pointed the stake on top of my chest slightly pushing it, but not hard enough for it to pierce through my skin. I snarled my lip up. "Do it…" I whispered


Two Weeks Later.

It hurt. What hurt? My entire body. Even in the sunlight with my new daylight ring my body still ached. Of course I knew what it was. Thirst. I was new and that meant I needed a lot of human blood, but Stefan had me on this freaking bunny stuff and I hated it, which is why I had been robbing from Damon's stash in the Salvatore basement. My frozen heart jumped to my throat when Katherine knocked on the door of my home. She smiled and tilted her head. I didn't return the smile. "Oh hey Elena, come in" Katherine grinned and put a over the top thumbs up to me before waltzing in and bouncing to my room, saying hi to my mother getting ready for work. As we heard the front door bang from mom leaving the house Katherine lay down on my bed as if she owned the place and chomped on a piece of gum.

She sighed. "So what's the update?" She said in such a casual way, as if me spying on my best friend, who just happened to be Katherine's doppelganger and who just happened to be dating Katherine's ex wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I know she was a heartless bitch, I knew the minute she turned me and threatened me that if I didn't spy on Elena and the Salvatore's she would kill me, but she could have at least acted like she cared. I folded my arms and shrugged whilst shaking my head. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I told you everything that happened over the phone" I honestly felt like crying whilst saying this. When human I wouldn't dare let a snobby, skinny little whore push me around. Things were different in this world. Katherine was at least 500 years older than me and it was a dog eat dog world being a vampire. Katherine needed something, she would use me and kill me in I defied her. That's just the way my life would be from now on. Whether I could accept it or not I wasn't entirely sure. Katherine was now sitting up and frowned at me, slightly pursing her lips. "You are so useless sometimes" She muttered before standing up, her signature silky curls bouncing as she paced around my room in disgust at what she saw. I narrowed my eyes at her slightly. Who the hell did she think she was? Michael freakin' Jackson? She aint no king of pop to me or anyone else.

"Well I don't have anything else to update you with" I mimicked her subtly hinting for her to leave me the hell alone. She turned around to me, a hard lined mouth placed just below her nose and looking very bored. I narrowed my eyes for a second time. She flipped her hair back and strutted up to me. Her face was inches away from mine as she spoke.

"You better make sure the next time I come back you do have something to update me with" She whispered in my ear. Suddenly her nostrils flickered and I knew what was coming next. I squealed slightly as she ragged my hair and threw me up against the wall. My breathing quickened and my eyes burnt with tears from the pain of my scalp burning. "Otherwise this beautiful lock of fake blonde hair will be ripped off along with your head" she said so casually as if she wasn't even trying…come to think of it she probably wasn't. She finally let go of me and I watched close up as her loud leather heals clicked against the floor. I just stayed there for a moment. I couldn't do this anymore. I inhaled through my nose and exhaled through my mouth just like daddy had taught me. The tears came anyway. I finally lifted myself from the floor and went into the bathroom. Something stopped me though. A knock on the door. I groaned and gritted my teeth. Whoever it was I would just compel them to piss off and leave me alone. I went to the door quickly and opened it, surprised to see a now very awkward looking Tyler Lockwood standing there. I wiped away my tears in a panicking way. "Tyler. What are you doing here?" I asked feeling slightly embarrassed. He just looked at me and paused before speaking. I must have looked like a complete wreck; crying and my hair all messed up thanks to Katherine.

"My mom told me to drop this off for the Sherriff" He fiddled with the small envelope "but I can come back tomorrow if now isn't a good time" It wasn't a question as he stepped back and began to make his way off my porch. I walked after him and touched his arm. He turned round apologetically. Why was he feeling sorry for me? We had barley since the car accident and he didn't even come visit me. Not that I wanted him to but it was his damn fault I was in the stupid car accident in the first place! I breathed in deeply. Don't look for someone to blame Caroline. You should have just let Damon kill you… I shook the thought from my head. I didn't want to die, ignoring the fact I was already dead. "I'll give this to my mother" I said taking the envelope from his hands, our fingers touching as he did. Our fingers stayed there for a good twenty seconds until I pulled them away quickly. Tyler cleared his throat, his face suddenly full of concern.

"Look I know we don't talk that much anymore but if something's on your mind…" He offered. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"Like you said, we don't talk anymore. Not since the accident" I said bitterly whilst making my way back inside my house slamming the door in his face not bothering to turn around and apologise. I breathed in. Stefan warned me about these overwhelming emotions but he said it was better to deal with them so he didn't teach me how to shut everything down. I asked Katherine and she said I would the very moment I deliver something that's worth her telling me how not to feel. But until then…I was stuck. My eyes burnt with tears again as I dragged my feet to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed. I cried into my pillow for hours. I remember once when I was 16 I felt like this and took it out on myself. I was in hospital and swore I would never take a knife to my wrist again. I made a sound of disgust and pulled my wrist up to my face were all of the shiny white scars were visible, a secret that only Damon Salvatore knew about. The only reason he knew is because he asked when he was feeding off of me as a human and compelled me to tell him the truth. Memories of the little things that started it all were coming back so vividly that I felt as if I was her again. Caroline Forbes, outsider of Mystic Falls High.

I was my newly turned sixteen year old self and surrounded by my two beautiful best friends Elena and Bonnie. I had always been envious of Bonnie's amazing brown eyes and long luscious eyelashes and always been jealous of Elena's long silky hair and perfect body. I was the odd one out. I had dull brown hair and was a little chubbier than Bonnie and Elena. The bell had just gone to signify school had finished and since I was the only one with my driver's license I offered Elena and Bonnie a ride home. Elena was walking with Matt but Bonnie accepted. As we were driving we talked about the history paper due in for next week. "I mean seriously who cares about the 60's? The only thing I care about from the 60's is The Beatles" Bonnie exclaimed. I giggled at her outburst. It's true. Bonnie Bennet was big on The Beatles. It carried on until finally we stopped outside Bonnie's house. I then felt my cell phone vibrate. I looked at the caller ID and rolled my eyes. I answered it. "Hello?" I said in an annoyed tone.

"Hey fatty!" I hung up.

Bonnie looked apologetic. I smiled. "Damn pranksters again?" Bonnie cursed. I laughed and nodded. Bonnie shook her head furiously before telling me that if they call again she will get her cousin George to come down and show them a thing or two since we knew who it was. Tyler Lockwood and his football posy. I just smiled and told her to get inside her house before she pops a blood vessel. She hugged me and I put the car back into gear, one single tear falling from my eye.

Things weren't like that now. I was a different person. Back then I was a size 12, now I'm a size 6. Back then I had brown hair, now I have blonde. Back then I was human…now I'm not. I'd give anything to be too. Just for one day even if it was as chubby Caroline, outsider of Mystic Falls High. Absolutely anything. My bed seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden and so I decided to clean myself up. The crying had slightly smudged my make-up and so I just fixed it a little. I thought that maybe I should start dressing a little sexier, since I was a vampire and stuff, so I slipped into a skinny pair of jeans and a long plain vest top making sure I had a black bra on underneath. I don't know why the bra had to be black it just seemed right with the look I was going for. I then pulled my high heel ankle boots on and gave my hair one last shake before retrieving a plain black bag and my car keys. I had been dressing like this a lot lately and trust me, people have definitely taken notice. At school the pigs of the football team ask if they can "tap that" and usually I would love the attention but I didn't want attention. I wanted to be inflicted with physical pain to take away the internal pain. But since I was kind of oblivious now nothing would necessarily work. I drove to the Mystic Grill were there happened to be some sort of party going on. Then the light bulb flickered. Of course. It was Damon's birthday. Yeah I remember the very asshole-y text message off him himself saying

PARTY AT THE GRILL CELEBRATING ME! FEEL FREE TO DROP BY…WITH A GIFT – D

I sighed walking in and plastering a confident smile on my face as people admired me and asked were I got my shoes from. I eventually found the birthday boy in the middle of the floor surrounded by a huge circle of people screaming "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG" over and over again at Damon who was drinking what looked like, and smelt like, beer out of a metre cup. It was one of those silly stereotypical party games that Damon would play. A cheer escaped the circle as Damon finished the beer off and raised his hands and nodding his head like the cocky ass he was. Then he saw me and gave me a smouldering look. Her left the crowd and the next person took on the metre long beer chugging game.

"Hello Blondie!" He said fiddling with the end of my vest top whilst scrolling his blue eyes up and down my body. "Don't you look good" He whispered. I narrowed my eyes at him and laughed before walking away. He was a serious pig sometimes. Most times. I scanned the room of dancing drunks and finally found a familiar face over at the pool table. Stefan was alone playing and so I walked over to him. I grabbed a pool stick and smiled at him. He laughed, but I did catch that little glimpse he gave my body. I bit my lip.

"Hey" Was all he said. I smiled.

"Hi. Anyone playing with you?" We had to shout over the music. He shook his head and told me how Elena had had enough of the party and went home with Bonnie. He was alone. I nodded and with that we started playing pool. I completely forgot about my whole situation with Katherine and actually found that throughout the evening I was enjoying myself. But the pain was still there…it just buried itself when I was around people and enjoying myself. It will be ten times worse when I go home. If I go home. I will probably end up spending the night with someone and feed off of them and use them to take my mind of things. I had changed. I mean as soon as I found out what I was I knew it would happen but it frightened me. After two hours of playing pool Stefan and I left The Grill for a moment to get some fresh air. We sat on a bench outside. I didn't have a coat but didn't care about the cold. I didn't care about anything. It's not like the cold would kill me. I rolled my eyes at the thought and looked down once again at my wrists. Stefan noticed this what with him being observant and all.

"I've always wondered what they're from. Did you have an accident when you were little or something?" Stefan wondered out loud looked at me. I smiled looking back at him and shook my head.

"Not really. We had this cat and it scratched me a lot. This one time it scratched me so badly that I was in hospital so my mom ended up giving it away" I nodded as the words came out oh so fluently. It was the story my mother came up with for me to tell my friends. She didn't want anyone knowing about it. The truth has stayed between me, my mother and the Mystic Falls hospital for over a year and a half now. Stefan nodded not seeming convinced. He may be hot but he wasn't an idiot. Of course he knew. Everyone else was so naïve and just didn't want to believe that perfect little Caroline was hurting so hard that she would try to kill herself. But Stefan had felt pain. Real pain. He knew what it was like to have an impulsive urge to just…end everything. I know he did. Elena had told me that Stefan had threatened to take his ring off in the sun once because the guilt he felt was too much for him to handle. So yes. Stefan knew exactly what I was feeling.

He pointed his thumb back to The Mystic Grill were everything seemed to be booming now. "Wanna go back inside?" I stood from the bench and Stefan followed.

"Nope. Not really" I said. Stefan laughed but walked with me inside anyway.


So there it is. My first chapter. Just to be clear Caroline has no particular love interest in this fan fiction. She pushes everyone away but Stefan will just be there and force his help upon her. But that's all. Nothing romantic. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Review please!