Reality Is Insanity
Chapter One
In Which Ino And Sakura Are Introduced
riz-i


A/N: Writing this was like writing Workplace? during the first 30 or so chapters. It was fun, it made me laugh and it was effortless. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This story is very heavily inspired by my own life and my own friends so hopefully the characters and situations they get into will feel really authentic as well. The dynamic between Sakura and Ino is pretty much the exact dynamic I have with my best friend and OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR THIS AND IT WOULD MAKE MY LIFE IF YOU GUYS ENJOYED IT TOO. Review? :)

Right, reformatted to make it non-script format (if it's still not good enough, I have no doubts my DEAR DEAR FRIENDS at the Fanfiction Rent-a-Cop Department will let me know). No stupid chatroom spelling is used and my grammar and punctuation should be correct except for small typos and maybe the odd ':' instead of ';' and vice versa.

So here's your Key: -Ino, -Sakura, -Kiba, -Sasuke, -Shikamaru

Also... it's BBM, not a chatroom. Only internet predators and old people use chatrooms anymore.


"Today begins a new era in your lives. The next two years will be of the utmost importance and, depending on how you perform, will either open or close many doors in your future-"

Ino struggled to stifle a yawn as Sarutobi began his customary opening speech for Sixth Formers. It was basically a modified version of his speech for new Year Sevens. While it had been inspiring and motivational in Year Seven; it was now tired and boring and Ino was becoming tired and bored. She reached into her satchel and pulled out her Blackberry. Making sure it was on vibrate, she signed on to BBM.

"I knew you'd be on." She smiled.


-Whoaaaa child. Clocked Sasuke Uchiha yet?


Ino had been seriously impressed when Sasuke Uchiha; her ex-crush and- even if she no longer harboured feelings for him- the guy who was undoubtedly the best looking person in their year and, now that Itachi and his gang (known as the Akatsuki) had all gone on to University, maybe even the school had walked in that morning.

He'd looked good enough in school Uniform all these years but now that he was in excellently cut jeans, a deep green t-shirt and a rich brown leather jacket… she was practically salivating.


-Of course I have. Who do you think I am? I thought you were with Shikamaru, gtfo my man Yakamana.

-Calm yourself, bitch. He's putting it out there. I'm just appreciating it. And Shikamaru and I are just having sex you stupid bint. It's not like it's serious or anything. Also, your immature misspelling of my name might have been funny in Year 2, but we're in Sixth Form now. It's getting old. Oh no wait. It was old ten years ago.

-Erm, might I remind you that I, unlike you, you insufferable whore, am still a virgin. Your sexcapades are mentally scarring me. And what you chatting? It's never going to not be funny.


Sakura had been absolutely gobsmacked when she got back from her holiday in India and rang Ino to catch up and Ino had revealed her newly formed, completely physical relationship with Shikamaru Nara.

"Oh yeah, Saks. While you were away riding elephants and camels-"

"That's not what I was doing Ino, I was-"

"Excuse me! I'm talking about me right now. Please shut up and listen. Anyway, you know while you were gone being all Mother Theresa, you missed Kankuro's All-American Party?"

"Yeah. I was really looking forward to that. I heard he even bought an actual Keg."

"You keep forgetting that this conversation is about me, Saks. So basically, I was looking fiiierce as Wonder Woman."

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes. Everybody's eyes were glued to me when I walked in. Guys because they wanted me and girls because they wanted to be me. You can call me big headed or whatever but you know it's true. This body has been pilated and dieted to perfection. But then this creepy guy with like, loads of white face make-up and purple eyeliner and stupid, greasy, long, black hair kept trying to pat my arse and I was like 'OH NO YOU DIDN'T!' but he tried to wrist-grab me into an empty room- and let me tell you, wrist-grabbing is only okay in Korean Dramas when the guy doing said wrist-grabbing looks like bloody Hyun Bin or something… This was just scary."

However dysfunctional their friendship, Sakura was still Ino's best friend so she immediately asked "Oh my God. Ino, were you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I mean, I wasn't at that moment because I couldn't get him off me but then all of a sudden, this arm just came out of nowhere and grabbed Creepo's arm and pulled his hand off my wrist. And then the owner of aforementioned mysterious arm said in this really scary voice 'If you don't leave this party right now, I'm going to call the police.' He then shoved me into a room and told me to wait there while he personally escorted the sick pervert out. Well, I knew who it was by then, Saks, but I'm going to keep you in the dark for just a bit longer."

"Ino…" Sakura groaned.

"So anyway, he came back and I was just sitting on the bed. And I was like 'Thanks.' And he said 'It's your fault, you know.' And so I was like 'And this is why women don't come forward when they've been raped. Because they get the blame for it.' And he just sighed and came and sat down next to me and said 'You're so troublesome, Yamanaka.'"

Sakura had squealed. "OH MY GOD NO FREAKING WAY!"

"Yes! It was Shika. And he took my hand and said 'Ino, there isn't a single guy in this house who doesn't want you right now. You're hardly wearing anything and you look absolutely beautiful.'"

"Wait. Those were his exact words? Not 'hot' or 'a babe' but… beautiful?"

"I know right? So then I looked into his eyes and did my Princess Di chin-tilt-look-up-killer-smoulder and asked 'When you say there isn't a single guy in this house who doesn't want me right now… does that include you?'"

"INO I'M GOING TO BURST THIS IS SO GOOD!"

"And so he said 'What do you think?' And then we did it till both of us were too tired to move and just kind of passed out. I woke up first and just kind of, lifted his arm off my waist, got dressed and left. But then I called him a couple of nights later and asked if he was up for some more fun and he was like 'Whatever.' So we've been meeting regularly ever since."


-Grow up. And while you're doing that, maybe look into getting some implants, yeah?

-Shut up. At least I haven't worn a white shirt with a neon pink bra. And how short is your skirt?

-The regulations state that the skirt has to be at least mid-thigh. It's not my fault my legs are so long.

-Even if it is regulation length, there's no way wearing a skirt that tight is good for you. You're cutting off all the circulation to your legs!

-GOOD! That means my legs will be really pale. It's such a pain being blonde; if I put on fake tan, all the Trolls say I'm a slut.

-Ino… you are a slut.

-This is true. But I don't need them telling me that. I mean- you know that Temari girl in the year above?

-Yeah.

-Well, every time she walks past me in Town or at Ichiraku's or just randomly in the street, she does this stupid thing like *cough*slag*cough* and when I confronted her like "You wanna go bitch?" She went to Shika and complained I was violent and mean to her for no reason. He found me later on and told me to stop being such a pain and when I asked him why he was taking her side he was like "It's not like we're in a relationship."


That had hurt. Ino knew what she and Shikamaru were doing was purely physical and he was there to satisfy a craving- but it still hurt that he would put it so bluntly. And it always hurts when somebody doesn't take your side, it doesn't matter who it is.


-What a little bitch. Want me to trip him?


Ino almost burst out laughing right there and then. Sakura was so, so naïve and innocent. It's probably why they got on so well. Opposites attract and all that jazz. Or was that just for romantic relationships? Whatever.


-… How old are you? Five? It's fine, I got him back ;)

-How?

-Virgins shouldn't be asking such stupid questions. Speaking of, are you finally going to get with Sasuke this year?


Sakura almost jumped out of her seat. How had she forgotten to mention this.


-OH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THIS! Karin accidentally text me instead of Suigetsu saying "I had to remove him as a friend on Facebook. Sui… it broke my heart." And then when I checked, their Statuses had changed to 'Single' and they weren't Friends anymore.

-I already knew all that (except for the Karin accidentally texting you thing which is totally brilliant, I hope these slip ups continue). So many people Liked 'Sasuke Uchiha went from In a Relationship to Single'. It was so trashy. I'm so proud of you for staying classy, Saks. My point is, how are you going to take advantage of this fortunate twist of fate?


- Ino, have you listened to a WORD Sarutobi's said this Assembly?

-Why are you talking to me?


Kiba looked at his phone and then over at Ino who was sitting a few rows back and currently scowling and raising an eyebrow at him. Kiba silently snarled at her and turned back to face the front


-She's a bitch.

-Who?

-Yamanaka.

-Oh.

-Just 'Oh.'? That's all you have to say to that? You're the one who's been in love with her since we were kids and now you're sleeping with her you STILL can't get her into a serious relationship. -She's going to chew you up and SPIT YOU OUT man.

- Great.

-I give up with you man.

-Good.


-I'm not taking advantage of anything. I want him to come to me. You know we did in Biology how the male is supposed to woo the female and the female is supposed to respond?

-That was about Mallard Ducks…

-IT STILL APPLIES! We're all animals, fundamentally.

-Saks, what the hell am I going to do with you? You're so freaking innocent. You know what you need? You need to get the hell laid. I mean, it's not like you're ugly. Do you think I would keep you around if you were? There are totally a whole busload of guys who would do you in a sec.


Ah. Ino had reverted to her old tactic of 'If-In-Doubt-Quote-Song-Lyrics'. But it wasn't a lie. Sakura was totally hot. Not hotter than her, obviously. But better than most people in their school. Definitely hotter than that Temari bitch… Oops. Was that a sour grape Ino could taste?


-Of course you'd keep me around if I was ugly. So you'd look better in comparison. But I know I'm not ugly- I just have a massive forehead. But that's okay because I have a fringe and great eyebrows. I'm going to ignore your suggestion because that's as sick as sleeping with someone without any feelings… Oh wait.

-Ouch. That one was low.

-I'm sorry.

-Don't sweat it. I'm a big girl now- and it's true.

-Yeah, but still.

-Don't worry bitch tits. I'm working on a plan. ;)

-I'm already scared.

-As you should be.


-I need to talk to you about something after we get out.

-Sure?

-Why was that a question?

-Since when do you ever need to speak to me? I didn't know if you had the wrong person or something.

-No, Haruno. I need to speak to you when this Assembly ends. It's stupid and I don't know why I feel like I need to tell you, but I do. It'll only take a few minutes


-OMG INO HELP ME! HELP ME RIGHT NOW! LOOK AT WHAT HE JUST SENT ME! "Sasuke Uchiha: No, Haruno. I need to speak to you when this Assembly ends. It's stupid and I don't know why I feel like I need to tell you, but I do. It'll only take a few minutes" OMG INO WHAT DO I DO? WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WANTS TO SAY? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!


Ino looked over to where Sakura was sitting and saw her turning bright red and start fidgeting up and down in her seat. Her fingers started flying across the keyboard.


-First off, stop fidgeting.

-Second- check your teeth.


Ino watched to make sure her instructions were followed.


-Now, deep breath and calm yourself down. Red face and pink hair looks just plain ridiculous.


Sakura's complexion started to return to normal.


"And so with that, I wish you all the best of luck in the year ahead, and I hope you all do myself, the school but most of all- yourselves proud! You are dismissed. Please leave in an orderly fashion, one row at a time, starting at the back." Sarutobi finished his speech and left the stage.


-I've got to go now. But I'll see you in Class, you filthy hawk. Let me know how it goes. Good luck. ;)


-Ino… He just told me that Naruto likes me and asked me if I wanted to get with him.

-And I just said yes.

-WHAT HAVE I JUST DONE!


A/N: Words cannot describe how fun this is to write. Review if there's anything you want to say? :) They're very much appreciated and I promise you I do read every single one. And seriously, I love this so much that I'm probably going to reply to you... So if you don't want me to, just let me know in the review. :D AHHHH SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!