Reality Is Insanity
Chapter Three
In Which Disaster Strikes

Key for this chapter- -Ino –Sakura –Ino Being SakuraSasuke

I don't own the characters of Naruto but everything in this story is based on my actual life and friends (and enemies and teachers and family and random strangers). If you plagiarise it, that's like reading someone else's diary and saying it's your own. You'd basically be admitting to being 'foreveralone'. ;)

For the memes mentioned in the argument (Which actually happened- except it was with our Geography teacher. Who (sadly) retired later that year.) check out memebase for Forever Alone, Just Trollin' and Me Gusta.

-Sakura, what did Sasuke say?

-How do you know it was Sasuke?

-Well, isn't that who you were talking to?

-No. I was talking to Naruto.


-Look, I'll just give you my phone and you can read it. Which begs the question- why are we BBMing anyway when we're sitting next to each other?

-Because, idiot, Iruka can hear and see us talking but because the desks are blocked on that side, he can't see us typing. Now, give it here!

Sakura passed Ino her phone and put her head in her hands and cringed to herself.

"Well er…" Ino passed back Sakura's phone. Sakura looked up to face her best friend with a tiny glimmer of hope in her eyes. "Saks, even I don't know what to say to that and this is me. I mean, this is a disaster." All traces of hope now well and truly gone, Sakura's eyes started to fill with tears. "Oh for heaven's sake Saks, don't be so pathetic. We can salvage this.


Ino winked and tossed her hair. "Who do you think I am? Of course we can. But we have to work quickly- pass me your phone again." Sakura complied. "And whatever you do, don't read over my shoulder and for God's sake if you do, don't stop me mid-flow."

"Ino… what are you going to do?"

Ino smiled the smile she had worked on perfecting with Sakura and her own bathroom mirror for weeks a few Summers ago before turning her eyes to Sakura's phone. "Don't worry about it. You just worry about Enzyme Reactions. Here, do mine too." Without turning her eyes, she pushed her exercise book over to Sakura.

-Why would I care whether you're impressed or not, you egotistic prick?

-Excuse me?

-You're excused. Now answer my question.

-What the hell is wrong with you, Haruno?

-Sorry, I guess I'm just sick of boring my friends to death talking on and on and ON about people who pretend like they don't even know I exist.

-And I mean, I might not leave a favourable impression since I'm such a clumsy geekbucket with pretty much no control over my limbs.


-Plus I have fantastic eyebrows.

-Haruno, are you high?

-Sometimes, just sometimes, I don't care how pretty you are… I just want to throw a truck at your face.

-I don't get why you're being so touchy. Are you PMSing or something.

"MISS YAMANAKA! I don't know what's gotten into you and Miss Haruno today but screaming in class is not acceptable behaviour!"

"I'm sorry Sir. I just have really painful stomach cramps. If you know what I mean." She winked at their long suffering Biology teacher and, ignoring the whispers of "Did you see that? She's such a slut." That began being fired around the classroom, Ino returned to the most aggravating conversation she'd had in a long time.

-No. I'm not PMSing. I'm just angry.

-What? Because I read what you said to Naruto?

-I don't care or anything.

-Every message you send kicks my temper up another notch.

-You've never seemed like the type to get angry. You mostly just scream and run away.

-That's because I'm hopeless.

-You've also never been this self-deprecating before.

-What does that even mean?

-Who is this?

-Sakura? Who else would it be?

-If this is Sakura, why don't you understand a word YOU taught me? Is this Ino?

-If you asked me what it meant, then I probably Googled it so I'd sound smart.

-Which is what you should've been doing instead of asking me.

-It was after I broke my leg and couldn't play football that term. I didn't ask. "You're" the one who told me I'd be great when I got better and not to be too SELF-DEPRECATING while I was out of the team.

-And you still had no idea…

-About what? Give the phone back to Sakura, Ino. I know it's you.

"He wants to talk to you."

"What?" Sakura's hand skidded across the page, leaving a big black line across it. "Oh no!"

"I'll be taking this. And this."

"NOOO!" Both Sakura and Ino howled as their phones were taken from their hands.

"Don't worry, I won't read your mundane babble. Look. I'm switching them off and you can have them back at the end of the day."

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Ino glared at Iruka. "If you insist on confiscating them, they will stay on 'Vibrate', just like everybody else's in the room."

Iruka folded his arms, phones still in hand. "You two haven't exactly been behaving like the other people in the class now, have you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I know we haven't. For one, we're not the ones having a sneaky wank behind our desk. Are we, Chouji."


"Aww. Poor Chouji… foreveralone."

"I hate you, ugly troll."

"Now, I'm hardly ugly, am I? And since we're speaking in meme… me gusta." Ino made a 'V' with her index and middle finger and then wriggled her tongue between them. Chouji responded by giving her the finger.

"Eurgh gross, Baka-michi. I don't even want to know where that's been."

"Fuck you, Ino."

"Hah! YOU WISH, FATASS!" Ino scoffed and leant back in her chair, folding her arms. Then she sat up and looked Chouji in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have offended your weight. You might have a thyroid problem or something. But still- you are a million years too early to even think about getting with this."

"I know where 'this' has been, and to be honest, I don't anyone wants to get with it."

Ino laughed incredulously. "Oh go cry into some cake, dickhead."

"Ino Yamanaka, detention!" Iruka had never had to deal with students this disruptive.

"What for?" She challenged.

"Inappropriate conduct and language in class."

"What and Chouji's not going to get on for dropping the F-Bomb?"

"He was provoked."

"But Sir, you're being unfair!"

"Detention, Haruno."


"What's she getting one for?"

"For texting in class."

"We weren't texting, we were on BBM. And anyway, if you're going to put us in Detention then Sasuke and Naruto should be punished too. It's their fault we were on our phones in the first place." Ino realised what she'd just said. She might be a slut and she might be a bitch, but she most definitely was not a snitch. "Wait. No. That's a lie. We were just texting each other. I was just… dreaming?"

Iruka smirked. The entire class could practically see the 'Gotcha!' thought bubble ping into place above his head. "Really, Miss Yamanaka? I think I'll just go and check the veracity of that statement with Mr Uchiha and Mr Uzumaki themselves. I'll be sure to send them your regards. And you can send them mine in Detention."

Iruka left the room and every face turned to Ino and Sakura. "And what?" Ino demanded. Everybody turned away but both girls knew that every conversation in the room right then was about them.

"Ino, why do you always do this?" Sakura didn't look angry, just genuinely upset.

"Do what? Get you dragged down in my shit? I'm sorry Saks, but you don't have to be friends with me you know. And I'm sorry for getting Sasuke involved in it but, you know I can't control my temper. And Iruka pissed me off."

"No," Sakura shook her head. "That's not what I'm talking about. Why do you always deliberately do things to make people think you're a horrible person? Every single person is talking about what just happened and they're all going to tell the rest of the school the second we get out of lessons. And in every single retelling, you're going to become skankier and bitchier and nobody's going to care why you did it. Why do you do that? I know you and you're not really like that at all."

Ino stared at her best friend for a few seconds, suddenly overcome with the urge to hug her. Regardless of how much they bantered; they really were best friends. She shook herself out of the moment and smirked at Sakura.

"Saks… don't psychoanalyse me, okay? I am what I am. Now- we have a much bigger problem at hand."

"Ino, are you sure you're- OY!"

Ino had just leaned back as though stretching, grabbed one of the squeezy bottles of Distilled Water from the tray on the worktop behind them and squirted it all over Sakura's shirt.

"Hahaahahaha! What're you going to do about it?"

"THIS!" Sakura grabbed another one, pulled off the lid and chucked it all over Ino.




Who was wearing a white shirt and a neon pink bra.

"Didn't think that one through, did you Saks?" Ino shook her head at Sakura (who was staring with her mouth gaping open at the hand holding the (now empty) bottle of distilled water) in mock disapproval. "I swear that hand of yours is possessed."


The school bell signalled the end of the lesson. "Oh shit! Ino, do you want my jumper? I'm wearing a vest- top underneath?"

Ino raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding me? I'm 5ft 7. You're like what, 2ft 1?"


"-your jumper would be a vest top on me." She sighed and stood up. "Whatever." She shrugged. "Let's go Saks." She scooped all of her stuff into her bag and strode confidently out of the classroom, leaving a trail of water drops and slack jaws behind her.

"Wow! Brave fashion statement there, Ino. But you know the Pops are going to have a field day with this one." Pops was what Tenten called all of the gossipy catty wannabe-popular girls throughout the school who spread rumours about people like Ino because they had nothing better to do with their lives. It was short for Popsicles: cold, empty (calories) and, when it got right down to it, they just can't stand the heat.

"Haha!" Ino smiled. "Look after Saks. We've had our Blackberries confiscated and I've gotten us into Detention with both her boyfriend and the boy she's in love with this Lunch. I think she's going to burst an aneurysm. I'll go and try to dry up with the hand dryer in the Toilets or something."

Tenten pulled a face. "The Pops are going to be in there in their masses you know- reapplying their Oompa Loompa masks." She rolled her eyes to further express her disapproval.

"I love you Tenten. Now, make sure Sakura doesn't start panic eating while I'm gone."

Ino walked through school towards the Girls' Toilets with her head held high looking as though none of the looks or comments were bothering her at all. Well, she had her earphones in so the comments weren't. But she could see the looks.

'It's not even my fault.' She couldn't help thinking.

"-no. HEY INO!" Somebody grabbed her shoulder from behind.

"WHAT?" She spun round, pulling out an earphone.

"Come with me." Shikamaru took her hand and began tugging her towards the bike sheds.

Once they were out of sight and earshot, he let go and turned to face her. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Erm, a shirt?"

"Yes. But why is it wet?"

"Why is that any of your business. We're not in a relationship, remember."

Shikamaru ran a hand through his hair. "You're so annoying." He grumbled and began rooting through his bag for something.

"Look, if you're after a quickie at school- not behind the bikesheds please. I mean, this is just so cliché."

"Here. I'll keep guard. You go change."


"Take it." He thrust the sweater at her again. It was black and clearly at least two sizes too big for her… but it looked warm. She took it.

"Thanks. But I'll go to the Changing Rooms."

"I just saw Temari head that way. But since you're all fearless and shit, go ahead. Be my guest." He smirked.

"Ah. Okay. No peeking." She smiled.

A few seconds later, she was back. "What do I do with this?" She brandished her damp shirt.

Shikamaru took it. "I'll deal with this."

"What're you going to do with it?"

"What do you think?" He smirked again at her and ruffled her hair. "You're a real pain, you know. I expect a pretty big reward for this." He raised his eyebrows.

Ino smiled again. She didn't know for sure, but she hoped it was the one that would knock his breath away- even if her hair was a mess and she was dressed in an oversized mens' jumper. "Sure. My place at eight. Tonight." And with that, she walked away, being sure to make sure she looked good from the back.

She didn't even need to look back to know he was watching.

'Why am I getting even MORE looks now? What? WILL THESE PEOPLE NEVER BE HAPPY?' Ino wanted to scream.

"Hey Ino- where the hell did you get that? The lost property bin?"

"I'd look good in anything." She did a twirl.

"Whoa. What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Come here, turn around." Tenten demanded.

And there, in giant white print on the back of what Tenten and everybody Ino had walked past on her way back to the Sixth Form Common Room recognised as the Leaf School's Year 12 Boys' Field Hockey Team's Goalie Sweater: