Author's Notes! Hello everyone! This story is based on a crazy idea I had one night and I just had to write it. It actually started as a serious idea, but then I realized that there was just no way possible to write this scenario without humor! I apologize for the slashiness, but I simply love the Oreldo X Martis pairing (although it's my second favorite pairing in Pumpkin Scissors after Randel X Alice). Thanks to my awesome friend TwilightStar7 for help with the story and laughing hysterically with me about the frightening drawings that were made and ideas discussed! I hope you enjoy the story!

Never Knew Love Could Be Like This
A Pumpkin Scissors Fanfic

CHAPTER 1: Dude Looks Like A Lady

"Oreldo… I… I swear I'm going to kill you!" the normally calm and level-headed Martis exploded.

"It wasn't my idea!" Oreldo exclaimed, raising his hands defensively. Despite his small frame, Martis knew how to easily throw a man much bigger than himself to the ground, and it looked like the blonde sub-lieutenant was in danger of being attacked. "It was the LT's! Her and the captain! I knew nothing about it, I swear!"

Martis scowled and crossed his arms, staring at the girl standing before him. She had short, black hair, arranged in a simple updo with a flower tucked in the top; large lavender eyes; and clad in an elegant lilac dress with long, white gloves. The black-haired sub-lieutenant shook his head in disbelief and the girl did the same.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Martis sighed dejectedly, awkwardly smoothing the dress. The dress that was on his body. How had he, of all people, gotten in to this…?

-2 weeks earlier, 10:40 hours, Section III (aka Pumpkin Scissors)'s Office-

"We have to do what?"

The surprised shout rang loudly through the office, startling Sergeant Major Lily Stecchin and nearly causing her to spill the captain's coffee all over Mercury and a stack of completed paperwork. Curious, she began listening in on the conversation.

Captain Hunks glanced up from his newspaper at Sub-Lieutenants Oreldo and Martis standing before his desk, each with a firm grip on the paper detailing their assignment. "You read the assignment, didn't you? We've got information that members of the Silver Wheel will definitely be attending this event, and we need you to go undercover to find out for sure if Lionel Taylor is indeed part of their organization."

"But… a ball? Why us?" Martis inquired, rather confused by the captain's choice of personnel for this mission.

"Yeah, why not send the lieutenant? She's a noble and all," Oreldo added, "Plus, I don't think the big guy would mind goin' with her if she needed a bodyguard and all," he added, with a knowing grin. Stecchin giggled quietly as she set the coffee down on Hunks' desk before returning to her work. Pretty much everyone in Army Intelligence could tell how smitten Randel and Alice were with one another.

"They'd stand out too much. We're going for a covert mission, here," Hunks replied, sipping the coffee. "After the incident at the ball two months ago, every noble in this side of the empire knows who Corporal Oland is. He's a little too… distinctive looking to effectively disguise." That was true. It wasn't easy, if at all possible, to make a giant, seven-and-a-half foot tall and visibly scarred man look like an average person. "And for the lieutenant, everyone knows who she is; being part of one of the Thirteen Grand Houses of the Empire and all. There's no way she'd be able to get any information about the Silver Wheel out of anyone, especially pertaining to Lionel. Hell, it'd put her life in danger."

"And what about ours?" Oreldo asked with a wide-eyed, incredulous expression.

Martis sighed. "Did you even read the whole assignment?" He pointed out a section of text. "Look, here it says we'd be in disguise under fake names. No one there will know who we actually are," he explained. "…hopefully…" the sub-lieutenant added under his breath.

"Exactly," Hunks nodded, affirming what Martis had said. "Lord Schultz is also taking part of this mission." Oreldo raised a skeptical eyebrow upon hearing the name of the seemingly-ditzy nobleman still vying for Alice's affections. "He'll help you maintain your disguises as members of the nobility and further help with uncovering information about the Silver Wheel."

"Lord Schultz? Seriously?" the blonde sub-lieutenant exclaimed.

"We should at least be happy we'll have an ally there," his fellow sub-lieutenant rebuked. Martis turned back to the captain. "How exactly are we going to get the things we need to be disguised?" he asked, after skimming the paper again to make sure he hadn't missed that information. "It would take Oreldo and I's combined paychecks for at least a year to buy anything suitable for just one of us!"

"That's why we're getting help from the Malvins," Hunks said, flicking ash out of his pipe. "Alice's older sisters have offered to help you prepare."

Oreldo's expression progressively showed more and more confusion at each new fact about the mission. "How come all of these noble are actually workin' with us? Did they suddenly get inspired to actually help the army or somethin'?"

Martis sighed in frustration while shaking his head. "Oreldo…"

The captain narrowed his eyes, his voice dead serious. "If the lieutenant's fiancé is indeed part of the Silver Wheel, she could be in danger, as well as her family, and the members of this unit." Oreldo blinked in surprise and glanced, wide-eyed, at the equally concerned Martis. "And who know who else the Silver Wheel may be a part of?" Hunks continued. "We know they had interactions with the Waterworks. They may even be interacting with our government, our army, even with the Republic. Finding out if Lionel Taylor is part of the Silver Wheel will be a valuable lead."

"Well…damn," breathed Oreldo.

"Any more questions?" Hunks asked, the serious tone of voice dissipating back into its normal lazy drawl.

"Uh, no sir," Oreldo stammered, and Martis nodded in agreement.

"Then you're dismissed." Already the captain had raised his newspaper again, before the sub-lieutenants had even saluted their superior officer.

"Oh my god, Martis, what the hell are we gettin' in to?" Oreldo whispered as soon they were out of the captain's earshot and back at their desks. He was slightly surprised to see that the smaller sub-lieutenant didn't seem all too rattled.

"It's just another mission, really," Martis shrugged, "Putting ourselves in any situation necessary or even the face of danger for our country's sake is our job. That's why we joined the army."

Oreldo laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck, and Martis sighed in frustration once again. "Right, you joined for the free food. Oh, for heaven's sake, Oreldo…"

The blonde sub-lieutenant gave a charming, crooked grin and shrugged. "You got me there, four eyes." Oreldo leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head. "Well, I guess this isn't as bad as having to take on a tank. Just now we may possibly have the fate of the entire Empire on our hands…." He looked over at Martis. "No pressure, right?"

"None at all," the black-haired sub-lieutenant sighed, turning his attention back to the paperwork he'd started earlier. Yet Oreldo's remark rang in his head… what were they getting in to?

Well, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there, Martis thought. I mean, how dangerous could infiltrating a ball be? He smiled slightly to himself and returned to his work.