A/N: This is just something I threw together this morning...my muse seems to love me again and hasn't wanted to leave me for the past few months...makes me feel a little awkward because I've written more stories in the past 3 months, than I have in the past 5 years, but oh well. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine.
It was an engagement party. Blaine's engagement party to be precise. He was marrying the man of his dreams. See Blaine had dreamt of the perfect guy ever since he was a child. Whenever he dreamt, it always came upon the same type of person. Smart, charming, witty and so very poised. Someone who could make him laugh. Someone who would hold him when he cried. Someone who could handle his insane desire to jump on furniture, or his desire to sing romantic love songs to him in public. Blaine loved the thought that one day, he would find his Prince, that one day he would find the man he was meant to spend the rest of his life with.
Then one day, he found him. It was like he was bitch slapped by an iceberg when he finally saw the man who had been facelessly haunting his dreams for the past 10 years. He was smart, witty, charming and so down to earth. Everyone who met Caleb thought he was the perfect complement to Blaine. Everyone except Kurt that is.
See Kurt wasn't too fond of Caleb. Though there was the initial tension at first… best friend vs. the boyfriend…it never truly went away, and the tension and stress rose. They tried to hide it in front of Blaine, because no matter how much disdain for each other they had, they both cared about Blaine, and neither of them wanted to find out the answer to the "him or me" question that tinkered around in the back of both of their minds. They both knew Blaine well enough to know, that if Kurt put up the question, Caleb would be chosen. If Caleb put up the question, Kurt would be chosen. So it was an unspoken agreement that they would deal with each other in Blaine's presence, and try hard not to be in the same room with each other if it was at all possible.
They each had their reasons for hating the other…and it all stemmed around the same basic concept. Kurt loved Blaine. Kurt knew it. Caleb knew it. Mercedes, Wes, David, and Rachel knew it. Kurt's family knew it. Blaine's family knew it. Everyone knew it but Blaine.
Kurt was sitting bitterly at one of the tables off in the corner of the party clutching a drink, filled mostly with vodka, as he watched the happy couple walk around and mingle with all the guests. He hated that Blaine was happy with some other guy. But he was thrilled that Blaine was happy, period. Rachel came over and sat down next to him. "How you holding up?" she asked him, knowing the answer wouldn't be what she wanted to hear.
"How do you think I'm doing Rachel? I'm watching my best friend celebrate his soon to be wedding. You know, the best friend I've been in love with since I was 17 years old." He hissed at her, not wanting anyone else to hear, especially Caleb or Blaine. It was pathetic really, that Kurt has been miserable for 5 years now, because after he made his feelings perfectly clear to Blaine in the middle of the Lima Bean so many years ago, Blaine still strung him along as his best friend, despite never giving him a chance.
"I know you're angry, Kurt. But you need to cheer up. Blaine's getting married. Why can't you forget your own pain for a few minutes, and enjoy that fact? You care about him right?" She asked, while Kurt had enough of his friend trying to be helpful. He immediately stood up and stalked outside. She followed him. She didn't say anything, but waited for the volcanic eruption, that was sure about to explode.
"Do you know what I'm going through right now Rachel? How hard this is for me? We were supposed to be Harry and Sally!" He yelled at her. Forgetting, that neither of them had closed the doors to the party. "He was supposed to get his act together, and then give me a chance. That's the way it was supposed to work. We were supposed to start dating, go to college together, fall in love, and live our lives together. That's how it was supposed to be. We were supposed to have a chance." He sobbed. Rachel walked over to him and just held him for a moment.
"Kurt, I know it's painful. I know it is. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're going to find someone out there that is perfect for you. Someone who makes you happy, and doesn't make you cry like this." He fell to the ground, something sober, non-crying Kurt would never have done, in his $1,000 Armani suit.
"Why me Rachel? Why am I always the one dealing with the pain? Why can I never be the one whose happy?" He asked her, not sure if the answer was something he wanted to hear or not.
"I wish I could tell you Kurt. I wish I knew the answer. I wish I could give you an answer that wasn't a cliché, but there's nothing that can make you feel better right now." It's true. Telling him that what doesn't kill him, will only make him stronger, will not only hurt him more, but make him want to hurt her. Telling him that the pain will fade, will not only make his personality fade, but make his heart smash to pieces. She couldn't risk doing that to him.
"I love him, Rachel. Why can't he see that? Why can't he fucking see that I've loved him since we were juniors in high school?"
"Maybe because he's blind." A new voice entered the conversation, right after the click of the two French doors that had lead to the patio. Both Rachel and Kurt looked up and saw Blaine standing there, with a pained expression written all over his face. It was almost as if it were a movie, because nothing like this ever happens in real life.
"Blaine, don't.." Rachel tried to hold him off, but Blaine held out his hand to stop her.
"Rachel… can you give Kurt and I a moment alone?" She looked to Kurt, whose eyes were bloodshot, and his face was blotchy and tear-stained.
"Will you be okay?" She asked her friend, and he looked between the two. He nodded his head, and sent her off into the house. After she went back into the house, Blaine and Kurt stood there awkwardly for a few minutes, neither saying a word. Kurt didn't want to chance embarrassing himself further, and Blaine didn't know what to say. Finally, Kurt decided to end the silence.
"You shouldn't be out here. You should be in there, with Caleb and your guests." He told the love of his life. Blaine nodded, but didn't move toward the house, instead moving towards Kurt.
"I am with one of my guests." He told him. "Why don't we sit?" he asked, gesturing to the patio furniture off to the side. Blaine suggested sitting down for two reasons: 1, because sitting always makes things like this a little less awkward; and 2, because it was blocked by a hedge so that curious party-goers and gossip mongers couldn't see what was happening, and try to read their lips. "Kurt, why didn't you say something?" he asked, after they both sat down on the green table chairs. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I did." Kurt whispered, not confident enough to say it loud and proud.
"Telling me that you had a crush on me in our junior year of high school does not count Kurt." Blaine reasoned.
"It wasn't a crush Blaine. It was never just a crush." Kurt swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. "I don't know exactly when. But remember when we sang 'Baby it's Cold Outside' ? Well, when Mr. Schue came in after we finished…he was the first person I ever admitted it to." Kurt confessed.
"Told what to?" Blaine asked, confused.
"That I loved you, damn it!" Kurt's voice rose as he shot up from his chair. Blaine looked like he had been hit with a slushie facial, but Kurt didn't care, he was about to get on a roll, and no one was going to stop him. "He walked in, and asked if you were someone special, and you have no idea how much I wish I could have told him yes, that you were. But because there was nothing going on between us, I told him that no, you were only a friend. However on the bright side, I was in love with you, and you were actually gay, so it was an improvement over my last crush. However my crush on Finn was never love, not really." Kurt was pacing back and forth as he continued his diatribe.
"You're such a flirty bastard you know that?" He asked his best friend, who was clearly shocked for words. "Do you realize how hard it was, to control the urge to jump you every time you flirted with me when we were at the Lima Bean, or at Dalton? How every time you flirted with me, a little piece of my heart broke, because I knew that it meant nothing to you? How unfair it was?"
"Kurt, I'm sorry."
"Don't tell me you're sorry, Blaine!" Kurt screamed. "Don't tell me that you didn't realize what you were doing. Don't you realize how much worse that makes it? I absolutely loved you, and you acted like I was just another one of the Warblers who hung onto your every word in hopes of ever getting a duet with you, because god knows that we'd never outshine you enough to get a solo." Kurt stood in front of him and saw how Blaine's normal dapper, composed self-restraint was crumbling, but Kurt didn't care. He finally had a forum to get all his pent up frustrations out, and if he lost Blaine in the process, it might just allow him to heal.
"Then we went to college…finally…both of us. At NYU. You and me, never tiring of one another. Still my feelings grew fonder and stronger. It physically hurt me to not be able to be with you Blaine. Don't you remember that semester when you were dating that ditzy blonde idiot?" Blaine nodded. "I wasn't throwing up every day because I had a weird stomach bug that just wouldn't go away Blaine. You dating someone else, physically made me ill."
The memories of that semester came flooding back to the both of them. Kurt perched over the toilet as he purged his bowels. Blaine kneeling beside him, gently rubbing his back, and having mouthwash ready for him to use, while trying to make his best friend feel better. Because that's what friends do right?
"Kurt…I thought you had gotten over it…" Blaine gulped.
"You know me better than that Blaine." Kurt whispered. "I told you what it took for me to finally get over Finn." He said, alluding to Finn calling him a fag in the middle of his own bedroom that night during Kurt's sophomore year of high school. "Did you really think that a little time was going to allow me to get over you, when it took such a huge massive blowup to get me over Finn?"
"Kurt, I didn't know…" Blaine told him, apology written all over his face.
"I know you didn't. That's what makes this so hard." Kurt sat back down in the chair opposite Blaine, and just held his head in his hands. "I can't do this anymore, Blaine. I can't sit by and watch you marry someone else." Kurt didn't dare look up at Blaine as he said this. "I can't stand with you at the altar and be your best man." Blaine had told Kurt the moment he and Caleb announced their engagement, that he wanted Kurt as his Best Man, and Kurt reluctantly agreed. "I can't go to your wedding and watch you marry someone, when I wish it was me instead. I'd be too tempted to stand up and object. Morally, I can't let myself ask you to dump him for me. So I'm going to do the next best thing, and take myself out of the equation. Goodbye Blaine." Kurt's voice broke on the last sentence and he started to cry again, but stood up and walked off the patio, towards his car. Blaine was still sitting there speechless by the time he heard the car rev up and pull out of the driveway.