***Flying to Nowhere***

Talon, AJ Talon

(I like my martinis shaken, not stirred)

A Challenge from the beautiful Tori Yuki Ichimura

Alex: Naturally, Talon hopes it will one day be Miss Tori Yuki Ichimura (insert Talon's real last name)!

Talon: (blink)

DISCLAIMER: Gundam Wing isn't mine. So there!

Warnings: Wacky humor, alternate pairings, yuri, yaoi, and self insertion.

Pairings: Duo x Relena x Duet, Trowa x Quatre (^_^ so cute!), Wufei x Hilde (O.o*), Dorothy x Zechs (...) and Heero x Marimaya! (Marimaya's 17, the pilots, Relena, Hilde and Dorothy are all 23, and Zechs is 27)


"Ladies and gentlemen, please make sure all tray tables and seat backs are in their up-right lock positions, and that your seat belt is fastened. We'd like to welcome you again to Koushiro Airlines Flight 66613, non-stop flight to Cambodia, and hope that your flight is a pleasant one. Thank you." With that, the intercom shut off as the plane taxied to the runway, engines revving up for take-off. Heero Yuy felt a hand grasp his, and gave the hand's owner a comforting look. Marimaya smiled lovingly, and she turned out to look at the scenery of the metropolitian airport.

"Mmmmmm, Duet..." Heero and Marimaya looked across the aisle. Relena smiled as her girlfriend kissed her neck passionately, much to the chagrin of a Jewish man sitting in their row. The said man, obviously a homophobe, pulled out the airline's excuse for a quality magazine and buried his nose in it as Duet as Relena began to... Warm up.

"Miss Rushi! How dare you lay down on your duties!" Trowa Barton looked up into the face of a scowling flight attendent with a look of confusion. His boyfriend, Quatre Raberba Winner, also looked confused.

"Get up this instant and get to your proper seat!" Trowa blinked.

"Um, no ma'am. I'm-" The murderous look on the stewardess' face ended the argument. Giving Quatre a look equivilent to a lamb being led to the slaughter, Trowa got up and made his way to the flight attendant seats near the nose of the plane. Quatre gave him a sad look as Trowa disappeared behind the purple curtains, while the flight attendant failed to notice a platinum blond man and a long-haired blonde woman with... Unique eyebrows sneaking into the first class section.

Ten minutes later...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 10,000 feet and are steadily making our way towards Cambodia. The captain has shut off the fasten-seat belt sign and is preparing to-"

A burst of static ended the usual mindless rambling of the stewardess as a bright and familiar voice peirced the cabin.

"Uh, hello! This is your new captain speaking! I just wanted to say, as your new captain, I've got some complaints!"
The Gundam pilots and their girlfriends all rolled their eyes with an expression of "aw hell, here we go again," while the rest of the cabin's occupants merely looked confused.

"First off, why do we only get those stupid bags of peanuts to eat! I ran out of munchies at the terminal! Second, what's with the tomato juice? Blech! I want health junk I'll go to a health junk store! And another thing-"

"I'm not listening to the baka Maxwell for this trip," grumbled Wufei. Hilde sighed, smiling as she wrapped her arms around him.

"There aren't any speakers in the cargo hold," Hilde purred. Wufei grinned ferally, growling as he wrapped his arms around his koi.

"Sounds good, ajen," whispered Wufei as he carried his beloved down the aisle. Marimaya and Heero both looked at eachother and sighed.

"They can never keep their hands off eachother," sighed Marimaya. Heero smirked, drawing Marimaya close. The red head sighed happily as she nuzzled Heero's neck. Duet and Relena both walked by them, grinng happily. Heero and Marimaya blinked.

"What's up?" asked Marimaya. Duet and Relena both pull out spiffy ID cards.

"We joined the Mile High Club!" said Duet gleefully. Relena smiled softly, holding it out to Marimaya and Heero.

"And we got these really cool membership cards!" Both girls giggled, while Heero and Duet blinked.

"And... What do they do?" asked Heero in his typical monotone. Both girls blinked.

"Um... We don't really know," said both girls. Marimaya and Heero fell over animishly, while Relena and Duet sweatdropped. Abruptly, the plane bucked from turbulence, and Duet and Relena were tossed into the open lavatory. THe door closed with a metallic click, and the sound of hands hitting the door soon emerged from inside.

"Hey! It's locked! Help! Get us out of here!" the women wailed. Heero and Marimaya both got up, waking the sleeping Quatre. The blond Arabian fell out of his chair and hit the floor with a thud.

"OW!" Trowa, helping an old man with his drink as per his duties as a stewardess look-alike, quickly pulled his koi to his feet. Quatre nodded in thanks, and gave his koi a kiss.

"EWWWWW!!!" shouted the old man. "They hire gay freaks on this airline?!" Heero spun around and fixed the old man with his most formidable deathglare. The old man ignored Heero and continued to say bigot-inspired words and phrases to Quatre and Trowa, with Quatre almost in tears. Meanwhile, Marimaya and Heero steadily became angrier and angrier. Finally, they could take no more.

"Shut up you closed-minded barbarian!" THe old man sneered at Marimaya.

"And what're you going to do, little girl?" Heero drew his trusty gun and shoved it into the old man's face.

"I'll blow your brains out for insulting my girlfriend," snarled Heero as the old man gulped. A stewardess ran up to the small crowd and deathglared the lot.

"That's it! Alright, give me the gun!" Heero handed it over reluctantly. The stewardess took a deep breath, and glared some more.

"Because of this, I'm going to have to search all four of you," she said. Heero, Marimaya, Quatre and Trowa were thus herded into a curtained off area of the plane, amid leers from some passengers.

"Help! Anybody out there?! Help!" cried Relena and Duet, to no avail.


Four hours later, the plane touched down in the beautiful (but frequently war-torn) Cambodia. At the airport terminal, the eleven weary travellers collapsed at an indoor outdoor cafe. Duo had been kicked out of the cockpit after the pilots had nearly gone mad with his hunger-inspired intercom show, Heero and Marimaya had been strip searched by the flight crew and were holding eachother for support after such a traumatic experience, Trowa was rocking Quatre to sleep, Hilde and Wufei were tangled in the clothing that spilled in the cargo hold during their, er, "quality time", Dorothy and Zechs had been kicked off the plane (literally) for sneaking into first class, and Duet and Relena were covered in bumps and bruises from being thrown around in the lavatory.

"Man, I'm glad THAT'S over!" Everyone nodded in agreement as Duo sighed heavily.

"So, what's there to do here in Cambodia?" Everyone looked at Marimaya, then thought. Duet got up shakily, and tapped a guy on the shoulder.

"Hey, dude, what's there to do that's fun here?" The man looked confused.

"(something)," he said, totally incomprehensible. The group sweatdropped.

"Doesn't anyone here know Cambonese?" Everyone shook their heads.

"THen, we're stuck here?" Squeaked Quatre.

"In a country where no one understands us?" Seconded Zechs.

"We could beat some English into some poor sap," suggested Dorothy. Everyone stared at her.

"WE'RE DOOMED!" They all shouted as people stopped and stared.


A great white and blue wolf-like creature came to a graceful stop outside the airport. An American boy wearing glasses, a black turtle neck, grey hoodie, and blue jeans hopped off, followed by a Japanese girl wearing blue jeans and a baby-blue tank top. The white wolf, the size of a pickup truck, glowed and shrank until it was a small wolf child with long white hair, furry paws and tail, and a blue shirt/dress. The boy picked up the wolf child as the two walked toward the airport.

"I wonder how their flight was?" Mused Talon. The Asian girl shrugged.

"Probably fair. They landed in one, non flaming peice after all," said Tori. The wolf-girl opened her large amber eyes and looked thoughtful.

"I wonder. What are those big metal birds that are flying around?" Talon and Tori sweatdropped.

"Well Sanimon, they're machines used to carry people around the world." Sanimon looked thoughtful some more.

"Why don't people just fly themselves?" Talon and Tori laughed.

"We can't," explained Tori,"it'd be nice if we could, though." Sanimon nodded, and sighed.

"I can't fly," she said, her ears drooping. Talon gave Sanimon a hug.

"Don't worry. We'll find a way," he said, giving her a gentle smile. Sanimon returned it, and together they walked to the entrance of the airport. Eleven distraught people came running through the gate, being chased by enough security for a UN summit. Tori and Talon stared.

"Do we really want to know what trouble they've gotten into?" Asked Tori. Talon and Sanimon both vigerously shook their heads.

"THought not," said Tori, as they chased after their friends.


Well Tori, there you go! Feel free to check off this list for the challenge. And, everyone, please R&R!

1. GWing, naturally
2. 2xRelenax2, 3x4, 5xHilde, DorothyxZechs, 1xMarimeia
3. A plane trip to where ever you see fit!
4. Relena and Duet join the mile-high club (complete with cool membership cards! ^__~)
5. All there is to eat is tiny packs of peanuts and tomato juice
6. Fei and Hilde get stuck in the cargo hold because they want to be alone together (hentai!)
7. Dorothy and Zechs sneak into first class
8. A stewardess finds Heero's gun (uh-oh...) and suddenly everyone is subjected to a pat-down
9. Relena and Duet get locked in the bathroom.
10. Trowa is mistaken for a stewardess and forced to play the part.
11. Duo gets lonely and manages to stumble into the cockpit where he plays with the intercom the rest of the trip
12. Where ever they end up, they don't speak the language.
13. A cameo by the two of us! ^___^

Good luck, Talon-kun! If anyone can do it, mochiron it would be you! ^___~