The Definition of Insanity
This was written before Doctor in the Photo and is obviously pretty irrelevant by now. Honestly not my best work, but I lost the motivation to fix it. I was conflicted on whether or not to post it, but then I thought screw it, if people don't like it then they don't have to read it (although I'd love it if they did). This is a reflective story so pretty different from the other one I've published so I'd really appreciate some feedback on it, it's the main reason I'm posting it even though I don't like it as much. I'll be posting some stuff I like better soon though :) R&R
There were many reasons why Booth's relationship with Hannah had failed. Hannah had wanted to travel and cover stories that were dangerous and exciting. Whereas Booth held a stable job that he loved in Washington DC. Hannah was a free spirit, a nomad. Booth had responsibilities and obligations and he liked it that way, having people he cared about depending on him. Hannah didn't want children. Booth wanted more children. He wanted family and she didn't. That alone should have been enough to break them up.
But no. They would have worked through all that. Compromised. Hannah was open to the idea of a family and Booth understood her free spiritedness and helped her find adventure in DC. The real reason they broke up was very simple. Temperance Brennan.
Booth had spent months trying to distance himself from her, trying to focus on Hannah and forget about Bones. But all he had succeeded in doing was prolonging the inevitable. Eventually even with all his effort and care Hannah had realised that there was something between the partners. He had denied it at first, but months had gone by and his suppressing his feelings for Bones had done nothing to change the way he felt about her. Eventually it had become clear that he wasn't moving on, and that really wasn't fair to Hannah. So finally they had ended it and Hannah had returned to her position as a war correspondent.
That left Booth and Brennan with their relationship damaged from the months of Booth trying to distance them, and Booth uncertain of what to do next. Bones had said she couldn't be with him, couldn't love him. He didn't exactly understand why but he knew it was what she would call logic, and you can't mess with Temperance Brennan's logic. She won't listen.
He had said that he would have to move on, but hadn't he just proven he couldn't? He'd tried and it hadn't worked. To try again would probably just mean wasting some other woman's time like he had Hannah's. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.
So what options did that leave him? He couldn't try to move on again. That wouldn't work and it wouldn't be fair to anyone. Besides, he was slowly realising that he didn't really want anyone else. For some reason when he was with Hannah he felt guilty around either of them. It had been good, and he had been happy, but there was always this part of him that knew it was wrong. This part of him that just knew.
But he couldn't be with Bones, she wouldn't have him. So what could he do? The only other option he really had was to go back to the way things had been before. Struggling with his feelings on a daily basis. But was the way it was before really that bad? No. He'd always struggled with his feelings, it seemed that was never going to change. But the way things were before...
Late nights doing paperwork, showing up at her place in the middle of the night, breakfast, coffee, lunch, dinner almost every night, drinks together until well past midnight, watching her with Parker sometimes on his weekends, making sure she eats and sleeps every day and every night, Thai food, the diner, their booth, making her smile, hearing her laugh, being able to put his arm around her shoulders, hand on the small of her back, walking down the street arm in arm, laughing and smiling and loving every adorable little thing that she does that makes her Bones. No that wasn't bad at all. In fact looking at it he couldn't believe that he'd been giving that up for Hannah. Nothing could compare to his time spent with Bones.
He wanted that back, and he could get it too. His relationship with Bones was strained but not irreparable. He could fix it, make everything go back to normal. Maybe even better, even more. With enough time and patience maybe...
No. He should know better by now. He won't be waiting. He'll be giving her exactly what she wants. If she wants him to be her friend and her partner he'll be the best damn friend in the world.
And if ever she does want something more, he'll be right there.