Author's Note: Written as a response to the prompt: Crushed. I have a slight obsession with Looney Tunes and thought it was the perfect humor for Dresden Files.
Murphy had been to a lot of weird crime scenes in her career. There had been that thing at the zoo, the college girl and the mobster with their hearts exploded out of their chests and the gangster who drowned in the middle of the city. Those were undeniably weird, but standing with Kirmani at her side in a beautiful Gold Coast loft Murphy had to admit she couldn't believe this one.
"It's almost like the Wicked Witch of the East," Kirmani said. "Think if we steal his shoes, his feet will curl up and he'll disappear?"
She snorted out a laugh before schooling her features into the blank cop expression that showed no emotions whatsoever. "That was a house. That's a piano."
Kirmani cocked his head slightly, "You're right. Rookie mistake. Think we'll find a tiny umbrella under there with him?"
"We really should treat the dead better than this," she said holding back another laugh.
"It's not our fault, boss. We've been raised to think death by falling piano is funny. Bugs Bunny started it."
"You can crack all the jokes you want when we're done with the scene, but right now we're professionals."
"Sure thing, boss."
She glared at Kirmani so she wouldn't have to tell him to shut up in front of all the uniforms. He did have the sense to look bashful for a moment before putting on his own cop face and striding forward to examine the grisly and oddly hysterical scene of a man crushed to death by a baby grand piano, feet sticking out from one end and everything.
Another bubble of laughter stuck in her throat so she turned away and looked over the rest of the loft. It looked like someone had pushed the piano off the raised upper level and right onto their victim. Murphy had a moment where she wondered if they'd said "meep-meep!" before doing it and then rolled her eyes at herself. She was spending way too much time with Kirmani.
"Hey, boss, I got something." Kirmani called, motioning her over to where he kneeled in front of the piano.
"Look at this." He pointed to the name plate in gold leaf on the front of the paino, right above the crushed keys. There was a huge crack through the name, but it wasn't hard to figure out. ACME.
"Don't say anything," she warned him because she could hear the joke he was dying to make.
"You got it, boss."
Standing up, Murphy looked around for the first responding officer. "Who called it in?" she asked when she found him stationed by the door.
"The land lord, a Mr. Chuck Jones. He said he heard a big crash and came up here to check things out."
She was almost afraid to ask her next question. "Who's the tenant?"
"Mr. Jones said his name was Willie Coyote. Moved here two years ago from Arizona to get away from an abusive relationship."
Her eye twitched and it was very hard to control her features, especially with the uniform grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Stay here until CSU and the ME are done. Lock this place up tight. Kirmani, with me."
They said nothing on the walk to the elevator. They continued to say nothing as they stepped on and started down to the lobby. Then, Kirmani cracked.
"You want me to check the records for anyone with the street name Road Runner or do you want to do that yourself?"
She shoved him but it was too late, both of them had cracked and were laughing. Hard.