Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Absolutely nothing at all. How depressing.
Yo! It's about time I write this oneshot! Since, you know, I've had this idea since the H.I.M. concert last May. So I got this idea while listening to "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum and the plot bunnies demanded that I write this. I hope it's good and that I didn't make Roxas too emo...So the songs I listened to while writing this fic were:
Need You Now by Lady Antebellum (no kidding)
Auf Kurs by Oomph! (as well as it's English equivalent: On Course)
Never Be The Same by Red
Madam de Pompadour's theme from the Doctor Who OST
"Axel, I need to talk to you about something."
Axel's eyes found Roxas, but the blonde didn't return Axel's glance. His eyes were staring at the creek below them as he sat with Axel on the bridge at the park, the moon shining through the night sky above them.
"What's up, Roxas?" Axel asked, his eyes narrowing in confusion.
"Please don't think any differently of me when I tell you." Roxas said quickly as he could feel his heart-rate speed up.
"I won't, I promise." Axel assured him, his eyes meeting Roxas'. "What's going on, Roxas? I've never seen you like this before."
"Well, I've never had a crush on my best friend before." Roxas said as he looked at Axel, wondering what the redhead would say.
Axel looked surprised, but he didn't say anything. He blinked a few times before turning to stare at the creek for a minute.
"Wasn't expecting that one." Axel whispered as he leaned against the railing of the bridge.
"I know you like Riku and everything, but I thought you should know." Roxas said quickly.
"No, that's okay." Axel said. "I appreciate you telling me."
"I just didn't want things to be awkward between us." Roxas said. "I mean, I know you're planning on asking out Riku and everything…"
"Roxas, you'll always be my best friend." Axel said, looking Roxas in the eye. "Nothing can ever change that." After a few seconds, he said, "I'm just sorry that I don't feel the same about you."
"It's okay. I didn't expect you to." Roxas shook his head.
"So are we okay?" Axel asked, his voice showing rare seriousness.
"When weren't we?" Roxas asked.
"Just checking." Axel said, offering the blonde a small smile.
"Roxas, you'll never guess what happened!"
Roxas looked up from his laptop and saw Axel come into the apartment. The redhead looked excited about something and Roxas had an idea about what it was.
"What happened, Axel?" Roxas asked.
"He said yes!" Axel exclaimed.
"That's great!" Roxas didn't have to ask who 'he' was or what he said yes to.
"I can't believe it, actually." Axel said as he sat down on the couch. "I mean, I thought he'd pick Sora over me."
"Why do you say that?" Roxas asked curiously.
"He was acting like he was flirting with him, so I kinda assumed that he liked him." Axel replied.
"Well at any rate, I'm glad that he said yes." Roxas said, giving the redhead a smile.
"So am I." Axel said. "And with that, I need to get going."
"Why?" Roxas frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Um, work?" Axel phrased his response like a question. "I need to pay the bills somehow."
"What are you talking about?" Roxas laughed. "You don't need to."
"Let's see if you'll keep saying that when I have to move in after I'm evicted." Axel said with a smile as he stood up and walked towards the door. "I'll see you later, Roxas."
"See you, Axel." Roxas replied as Axel left, closing the door behind him.
Roxas stared at the door for a few seconds after Axel left. He should have seen this coming. He knew that Axel liked Riku, even before he told Axel how he felt about him. He saw the way that Axel looked at Riku, saw how he interacted with him so easily.
So why was this such a shock?
Roxas set his laptop next to him on the couch and bent over so that his forehead touched his knees. What was he going to do? What could he really do? Fortunately, they didn't live in the same apartment, so Roxas wouldn't be constantly reminded about Riku and Axel's relationship. On the other hand, he wouldn't be able to escape it, either. Riku had spent a lot of time with them before and would probably be around even more now that he was dating Axel.
It was even worse because Axel knew that Roxas liked him. He knew that Axel wouldn't do this to be mean. He wasn't that type of person. But Roxas had to wonder if Axel was even thinking about his feelings. After all, Axel had a tendency to charge into relationships without thinking of collateral damage. Had he even thought about how hard it was going to be for Roxas?
"What the hell am I meant to do?" Roxas whispered in the silence that enveloped the room. "What do I do?"
"Roxas, is something wrong?"
Roxas looked away from the TV screen, which was showing his match against Axel in Halo 3, and found the redhead's eyes were on him.
"What do you mean?" Roxas frowned, wondering what Axel could possibly be talking about.
"You've been avoiding me lately." Axel said.
"No, I haven't." Roxas lied.
"Don't lie to me, Roxas." Axel said, his peridot eyes serious. "Every time I suggest that we hang out, you make up some excuse to skip out on me."
"Oh." Roxas knew he shouldn't have even bothered trying to lie. Axel always saw right through them.
"You've been really quiet. And depressed, too." Axel continued. "I don't quite know how to describe it, but you always look like you're going to cry. So what's going on?" Axel asked. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, you didn't do anything wrong." Roxas assured him.
"Then what's going on? What could have possibly happened to make you so depressed?" Axel asked. "I've never seen you this upset about anything before."
"Axel…" Roxas started to say.
"Don't say that it's nothing." Axel said firmly. "I know you well enough to know when something's going on."
"I'll deal with it by myself." Roxas was tossing the controller for the Xbox 360 in the air.
"You know what happens when you do that." Axel said. "Remember what happened when you didn't tell me that Zexion broke up with you?"
"Yes, Axel, I remember." Roxas replied.
"Then tell me what's going on." Axel said. "I want to be here for you, Roxas."
"But you won't be." Roxas said softly.
"What do you mean by that?" Axel frowned.
"You're always with Riku." Roxas said.
"That's because he's my boyfriend, Roxas." Axel said. "I'm meant to be spending time with him."
"But have you ever thought about how I'm handling this?" Roxas asked.
"Roxas, I didn't think it mattered." Axel said. "I mean, I know you had a crush on me, but-"
"It was a bit more than that." Roxas interrupted him.
"How much more?" Axel asked slowly.
"What do you think?" Roxas asked.
"Oh." Axel finally realized what Roxas was talking about.
"Do you get it now?" Roxas asked. "Like I said, I'll deal with it by myself. You're happy with Riku and I don't want you to lose that."
"But I don't want you do be miserable, either." Axel said.
"I'll be fine. I'll get over it." Roxas said, though he knew that he was only lying to himself.
"So you did you break up with him or did he break up with you?"
Axel sat down across the island in the kitchen as Roxas stirred some ramen on the stove. The blonde had just finished telling him how he and his boyfriend had decided to go their separate ways after almost five months.
"It was mutual, I guess." Roxas said with a shrug. "I mean, he knows that I found him cheating on me."
"I guess that didn't go over well." Axel already knew about the problems Roxas had been having.
"He suggested that we called it quits." Roxas poured the ramen into a bowl. "I just agreed.
"Well, I'm still sorry that it didn't work out, Roxas." Axel said as Roxas grabbed a spoon and brought his ramen over to the island.
"It happens." Roxas shrugged. "I'll find someone out there, I suppose."
"You will." Axel said. "Hey, Demyx is looking for a guy. Maybe you should try him."
"He's far too loud and annoying." Roxas shuddered. "I'd end up killing myself on the first date."
"That's probably true." Axel shrugged. "I just thought I'd throw it out there."
"Well, thanks for the thought." Roxas twirled his ramen on a fork. "I just don't have luck with guys."
"You just need to be more like yourself." Axel told him. "You get really shy when you're around guys."
"You know what my first boyfriend was like." Roxas said. "Can you really blame me?"
"No, I can't say that I do." Axel shook his head. "He was a total prick."
"And then some." Roxas nodded before he ate a forkful of ramen. "That's why I try not to fall for people."
"Sometimes it can't be helped." Axel shrugged. "I didn't want to fall for Marluxia, but I did anyway."
"And look how well that went." Roxas said. "I guess we've both had our share of bad relationships, huh?"
"That we have, Roxas." Axel nodded.
The rest of the city was asleep, the only light coming from the street lights. The buildings were dark as their occupants slept calmly without a care as to what the next day held for them.
Roxas, however, was not asleep. He was wide awake and he knew that he would probably be awake for many more hours.
This wasn't the first time that this had happened. Over the past seven months, Roxas hadn't had a decent night's sleep. He'd fall asleep, only to wake up after an hour or so and remain awake for a few more hours. Most of the time, he'd stay awake until around five or six in the morning, allowing him only about five hours of sleep. He took naps during the day, but it was a poor substitute for a full night of sleep.
He had pulled out his iPod and tried listening to music to help him fall asleep, but it didn't help very much. He just had to wait until he could finally doze off for a few hours.
Roxas sat up and grabbed his phone to check the time. It was a little after three in the morning. Axel was probably still at Riku's apartment, but Roxas knew that he had to try calling him, anyway. He wouldn't be able to sleep until he heard Axel's voice.
He flipped open his phone and punched in Axel's number and held the phone to his ear as he waited for the redhead to answer. Roxas didn't know if Axel had turned his phone off, but he knew he had to at least try to call him.
"What's wrong, Roxas?" Axel's voice came over the phone in hushed tones.
"Why does something have to be wrong for me to call you?" Roxas asked, feeling relieved that Axel had actually answered the call.
"Well, it's three in the morning." came Axel's reply.
"I didn't wake you up, did I?" Roxas asked as he threw back the covers and got off the bed.
"Yeah, but it's okay." Roxas heard a door close on Axel's end of the call. "What's going on?"
"I just really wanted to talk to you." Roxas said as he opened the sliding glass door and walked out to the little balcony that connected to his bedroom.
"Talk about what?" Roxas could tell that Axel wasn't trying to end the conversation like some people did when they didn't want to talk to someone.
"Just anything." Roxas said as he sat down in one of the lawn chairs.
"Anything?" Roxas could imagine Axel's expression. "Anything at all?"
"I just wanted to hear your voice." Roxas admitted sheepishly. "I know its three in the morning and we're both exhausted, but I just really needed to hear you."
"Roxas, is everything okay?" Axel asked. "You're making it seem like something bad is going to happen. You aren't going to commit suicide, are you?"
"No, Axel, I'm not going to commit suicide." Roxas had to laugh at the absurd notion, despite how serious Axel was. "I promise."
"Then what's going on?" Axel asked.
"I guess I'm just depressed because I don't know where my life is going right now." Roxas said, though this was partially true. He couldn't bring himself to tell Axel what was really bothering him.
"You'll find someone, don't worry." Axel knew Roxas well enough to read between the lines to see what Roxas was trying to tell him, even if the blonde didn't know he was doing it himself.
"Yeah, I know I will." Roxas said, even though he knew it was a lie.
"That's the spirit. You need to think positively." Axel was trying to be cheerful. "You'll never find a guy with that attitude."
"I guess you're right." Roxas shrugged, even though he knew Axel wasn't there to see it. "I'm sorry I woke you up, Axel."
"It's okay." Axel replied. "I'll talk to you in the morning, okay?"
"Yeah, I'll talk to you later." Roxas said, staring at the phone for a moment before ending the call.
Roxas sat on the balcony for a few minutes, the ocean eyes simply staring off into the obsidian sky. Axel was right. He'd find a guy someday. But Axel didn't know that he'd already found one, yet he was just out of his reach.
"I'm never going to have you, am I?" Roxas whispered into the darkness as a single tear rolled down his face.
I hope the ending wasn't too abrupt. I have a feeling I made Roxas too emo...ah well. Thanks for reading! Reviews equal love!