AN: Okay, this is a re-edit. I'm not sure if anyone's got this on story alert, but erm, just editing. I re-read it and my eyes kinda went fuzzy.
This was my first story, actually.
Disclaimer: BWAHAHAHA no.
Wes and David agreed. After seeing Kurt sing 'Blackbird'- which was a TOTALLY awesome cover, you had to admit- and Blaine's expression, they just had to intervene. It was their duty as friends.
They knew Kurt was doing something with a car- Mercedes, Wes thought, then remembered Mercedes was a girl- and that Blaine would be sitting in the coffee shop all alone, they had decided to persuade Blaine Anderson that he was in love with Kurt Hummel.
Blaine was sipping his coffee slowly, enjoying the taste. He smiled to himself as the hot coffee warmed his fingers.
'Still got your virginity?' David's voice asked him suddenly. Wes and Blaine both jumped, the latter spitting his coffee and spraying Wes's uniform with the hot drink. Wes jumped back, flipping the finger at Blaine.
'What do you mean?' Blaine asked, his outraged expression probably having something to do with wasting good coffee.
'Well, with all the eye-sex you were giving Kurt during 'Blackbird', I thought you might have lost your virginity. Sorry, I must have misunderstood.' David said, utterly deadpan.
'Subtle,' Wes muttered, rolling his eyes.
'I was not doing what you said I was doing!' Blaine argued.
'Huh. Why don't you say, 'I wasn't having eye-sex with Kurt,' instead of what you actually said?' David asked.
'It's disgusting, David. You have a filthy mind.'
'Dapper,' Wes muttered. Blaine glared at them impressively. His hazel eyes darkened slightly and Wes and David recoiled.
'Guys, I'd really like to know what this conversation is about.' Blaine said, anger filling his voice.
'Blaine… why won't you realise you love Kurt? Seriously, the sexual tension is getting really uncomfortable for the Warblers. We're going to give this talk to Kurt too-' Wes began, but Blaine cut him off.
'You don't need to. I know how Kurt feels.'
'WHAT?' Wes and David yelled. All of the other customers stared at the two, before Wes apologised and promised it would never happen again. A waitress came over and Wes ordered a coffee, David ordering a hot chocolate.
'It was right after the Gap Attack fiasco. He said he liked me. I said I wasn't going to mess our friendship up. He compared us to that film, 'When Harry met Sally,' and I asked if they got together. He didn't answer.' Blaine said curtly.
'They get together in the end.' Wes said happily. David looked at Wes with a curious expression. 'What? Jo makes me watch that film like twelve times per week!'
The waitress came with Wes and David's drinks. She smiled at Blaine seductively. Blaine didn't notice.
'Blaine, this is destiny we are talking about. Kurt is Sally. You're Harry-'
David started, before Blaine cut him off.
'That's what Kurt said.'
'Dude, stop interrupting us!' David exclaimed quietly.
'Dude?' Wes questioned.
'We're not all as dapper as you two.' David said, making Blaine and Wes raise their eyebrows.
'I'm not dapper.' Blaine said, confused.
'Oh, trust me, you are.'
'No, I'm not.'
'Do you fart?' Wes joined in.
'No! It's disgusting!' Blaine shouted. All the customers stared at him. Blaine apologised. A waitress came over and warned them that if they caused a disturbance one more time, they would have to leave. 'But, handsome,' she said, winking at Blaine. 'Try not to get kicked out.'
'Do you scratch your armpits?' David continued.
'No. Again, disgusting.'
'Do you burp?'
'Um, no. It's really off-putting.'
'Do you scratch your b-'
'Okay, I get your point, I'm dapper,' Blaine admitted defeat. He threw his hands up in surrender, almost hitting an elderly lady in the hip. 'Sorry ma'am,' Blaine apologised, 'I didn't mean to hit you.' Just in case, Blaine smiled at the lady dazzlingly.
'Don't worry, young man. You didn't hurt me,' the lady simpered.
'Dapper!' Wes and David said simultaneously.
'Shut up. Look, you're trying to convince me I love Kurt.' Blaine said seriously.
David nodded eagerly, Wes more earnestly.
'I actually do.' Blaine explained. Those three words caused havoc, with David yelling in happiness and frustration, Wes freezing in shock and Blaine calming David down.
The waitress came over.
'Sorry, but you'll have to leave. You two-' the waitress said, giving the evil eye to David and Wes- 'are not allowed back in for three weeks. You-' the waitress said, smiling at Blaine- 'can come whenever you like. Who's paying the bill?'
Blaine paid the bill, rolling his eyes. The waitress offered them a few napkins and a sweet to Blaine.
Once they stepped outside, Wes and David shared a knowing look.
'Why did she give me these napkins?' Blaine asked. Wes turned the napkins over, and there was a phone number and the words 'call me' written on the other side. Blaine tossed the napkins and sweet in the bin.
'Back to the point- you like Kurt?' Wes asked curiously.
'Yes. I realised that when Kurt sang 'Blackbird'.'
'Are you a sadist? Kurt was crying, dude. You realise your love for Kurt when he's crying?' David murmured.
'No, David. I saw him in a different light. I had an epiphany. You probably don't know what that means, but I realised I loved him then. Happy?' Blaine explained again.
'Blaine, you better treat Kurt right. If you don't, the Warblers will probably take Kurt's side.' David threatened.
A few hours later, Blaine ran up to Wes and David.
'Guys? Can you help me?' Blaine pleaded.
'Help you with what?'
'Can you help me with how to proclaim my love for Kurt?'
'Sing a song?' David suggested.
'Yeah, because I only communicate with Kurt through song.'
'No, you only communicate with Kurt through eye-sex, Blaine. There's a subtle difference.' Wes retorted.
'I don't want to do it through song. It's not interesting.'
'Look, just pretend I'm Kurt. What would you say?' Wes suggested.
Blaine looked flustered, then glared at Wes.
'Why are you glaring at Kurt, Blaine?' David asked innocently.
'Oh. Hi, Kurt. Erm, after the Gap Attack, you said you liked me. I was just wondering...do you still...you know?'
'Of course, Blaine!' Wes said in a ridiculously high voice.
Blaine raised an eyebrow, and then stalked off.
'Hey! Why are you walking away?' David called.
'You disrespected Kurt.' Blaine called.
'We disrespected your boyfriend?' David asked smugly. Blaine stormed back, stood on David's toe then stormed off.
'Why did he do that?' Kurt asked David, his voice making Wes and David jump.
'We gave him 'the Talk'.' Wes admitted. That was what David and himself always called it.
'You gave him 'The Talk'? Oh my gosh.' Kurt said, putting a hand up to his forehead. 'Why didn't you use pamphlets?' He looked at his watch, and turned around to glare at Wes and David. 'If I find out you've mentally scarred him, you'll find yourself waking up one morning with no legs. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go decorate Pav's casket.'
Kurt walked off.
Wes and David looked at each other, confused.
'Why did we call it 'The Talk'?' Wes asked.
'What do you mean?'
'Kurt thinks we gave him…the talk. About sex.'
David's eyes widened.
AN: Okay, yeah, I am considering a sequel where Wevid give Blaine the talk. But I'll probably do that in a gazillion light-years or something. =_=