"Hey Hummel." Puck sat down next to Kurt on the Hummel-Hudson family couch, nearly on top of the slender boy despite the vacant cushion to his left.

"What is it, Puckerman?" Kurt looked up from where he was reading Vogue to look at Noah quizzically, eyebrow rising in question.

"Clearly, I'm Jewish. Are you?"

"You know the answer is no. Is there a point to this conversation, Noah?" Still, Kurt's eyebrow was raised in curiosity as his patience was tried.

"Would you like some in you?" This time, Puck's eyebrow raised, but not in a puzzled manner like Kurt's, the suggestive undertone to his sentence loud and clear.

"How in the hell am I supposed to even respond to that?"

"It's a simple question, Princess. Either you want some Jew in you, or you don't." Puck began to stand up, but not before placing his right hand on Kurt's left knee and squeezing tightly. "You know where to find me when you make up your mind."

A blush grazed Kurt's cheeks as he watched the other boy saunter off towards Finn's room. He knew Puck knew he was watching, and damn him if he didn't put on a show as Kurt's eyes nearly burned a whole in his damn-near perfect backside.


"I may be Spiderman, but that's not a web I shot in your eye."

"I am never giving you a blowjob again."

"Don't say that, you love giving Puckasaurus a good kiss." Puck pulled Kurt up from his knees and reached for the washcloth they left next to the Hummel's bed to help clean his lover up.

"Doesn't mean I have to love crude pick up lines or nearly losing my vision when you lose any and all sense of the world when coming." Kurt rolled his eyes as Puck gingerly wiped away his near dry come from his porcelain skin. "I'll have to moisturize extra hard tonight, you know."

"And you'll love every second of it." Noah smiled—not a rude smile, or a mean one; just a small quirk of the lips that did no justice in showing how much care he had for the boy in his lap—before placing a soft kiss to Kurt's cheek.

"One of these days you're going to repay me for this, Puckerman." Kurt sighed as Puck placed a kiss on his opposite cheek and forehead.

"Whatever you say, Princess."

"I mean it. And you'll probably wind up being some type of cock-slut, and wanting nothing more than to suck me off every time you lay eyes on my smokin' hot body." A twinkle of humor shone brightly in Kurt's eyes as he locked eyes with his lover.

"Damn, you're even starting to talk like me. One of these days, those idiots in Glee will notice and totally start to catch on to our little love affair."

"I'd like to see them try." Kurt placed a kiss on Puck's nose before smiling sweetly.

"Is that what you really want for me to do to you, though?" Puck asked, sincerity clear in his voice. "You know I'd do anything to give you pleasure. Even if it means sucking dick."

"I was only teasing, love." Breaking their locked eyes, Kurt leaned towards his night stand and grabbed something from an empty bowl they had placed earlier in the evening, nearly forgotten. "Wanna spoon?"

As the Hummel teen winked at him, Puck laughed openly. "You're definitely my boy."


"Yo, Hummel!"

"What is it, Noah?"

"Have you done any food shopping lately?"

"Why do you care? Planning to come over and have a video game marathon with Finn only to have your butt kicked and handed to you by me again after raiding our entire pantry?"

"Not that that doesn't sound appealing and appetizing, but no."

"Why do you wish to know, then?"

"Because, Princess." Puck stepped in front of Kurt, blocking the boys' path and stopping both teens in their tracks as they reached Kurt's locker. "I wanna bag you like some groceries." Rather than wait for a response, Puck winked at Kurt before sauntering away.

"Could you be any more crude, Puckerman?" Kurt's exclamatory shout rang loud and clear down the hallway, merely causing the other teen to smirk, confidence and satisfaction growing by the second as he headed for his next class. Kurt hadn't said no.


"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"Puckerman, quit while you're ahead. You already got me to accept your proposition for a date tomorrow night, do not push your luck with a cheesy pick up line like that. I know you're more creative than that." Kurt rolled his eyes at Puck's use of the outdated one-liner.

"I think you just dropped something—"

"You're jaw? Maybe you shouldn't suck so much dick than, Noah." With a loud and exaggerated sigh, Kurt walked into the choir room with Puck on his heels.

"Baby, are you tired?"

"Because you've been running around my mind all day? Really, are you for real, Puck?" Taking his seat in the first row, Kurt looked up at Noah as he joined him to his right. "What, did you google search for hideously horrible pick up lines?"

Noah didn't reply, merely staring into Kurt's eyes for a few more seconds before the boy in question let out an exasperated groan of frustration. "Don't you even dare say Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home. I will rip your balls off, and I'll do so gleefully."

"You wouldn't dare do that, babe." Puck leaned back in his chair, spreading his legs out as he got comfortable.

"What makes you so sure?"

"I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out." Puck's trademark smirk sneakily made its way onto his features as the rest of the club trickled into the classroom. He had won this round, if only by default.


"Hey Hummel." Puck's voice rang down the empty hallway, startling the other teenager.

"What, Noah?" Without turning around to face his classmate, Kurt merely stopped in his tracks and waited for Puck's answer.

"Nice ass."

Kurt was happy he hadn't turned around to face his past-tormentor, as his pale skin quickly began to heat up in embarrassment. "Thank you."


A/N I plan to write more to this. Kind of like a never-ending drabble series. I know, I should have just made a giant document of these and posted it at once, but whatever. I'm a review-whore. As well, if you have any ideas/pick up lines you'd love to share, feel free to! The more crude, the better ; )