"I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I can make your bed rock." Puck wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulders as he plopped down next to him on the loveseat recliner.
"Either you've been listening to way too much rap music or the MILFs you used to bang let you hang around their children for too long if you're getting lines inspired by old school cartoons." Kurt rolled his eyes.
"Does that mean you will or you won't be making a visit to chez Puckerone and letting me help you reach your greatest potential? I can't be the only one wandering how high and breathless your voice would get as you came all over my smokin' body."
"You're lack of care for poetic, traditional courtship is painfully obvious and truth be told, kills my brain cells the more I listen to your crude lines." Despite his biting remark, Kurt leaned against the arm wrapped around him, taking comfort in the heat radiating besides him.
"You don't have to listen to let me fuck you, babe."
"Well when you put it so eloquently like that." The sarcasm was clear and evident in the Hummel teen's voice.
"All jokes aside, babe, just say the word and I'll be there to help you let your hair down, forget any ole' Wilma prissy-ass Flinstone."
"How comforting." Closing his eyes as his head fell against the crook in Puck's arm, Kurt sighed deeply. "What are you doing next Friday after Prom?"
"Looks like stalker-part-time-lover-boy is headed your way, boy." Mercedes let out a low whistle as she spotted Puck coming towards Kurt's locker, the latter boy's back to the Jewish teen.
"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked, eyebrows bunched up in question. His best friend sauntered off with a giggle and a wink before a reply could be had, and before he knew it, one Noah Puckerman had him nearly pinned against the locker he had just closed. "Can I help you, Noah?"
"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?"
"Do I want to know where you got that line from, Puckerman?" Kurt sighed, trying to keep up his biting remarks as his body began to relish in the feel of the taller boy's body pressing against his.
"Depends, is your name Yolanda?"
"If I said yes, would you leave me alone?"
"Probably not, but nice try."
"It was worth a shot, Noah." The bell rang out, singling the end of the break between classes.
"You know where to find me if your name happens to change, Yolanda." With a wink and nudge with his hip against Kurt's side, Puck spun around and walked in the opposite direction of Kurt's next class. God damn that sly, gorgeous, dog for getting underneath his skin each and every time he pressed himself up close and personal into his body.
"Do you still have that flannel from your Mellancamp days?" Puck questioned Kurt as the latter teen closed the door to his bedroom.
"Why, feeling inspired?" Kurt laughed as his took a seat on his bed, leaning against his headboard, as Puck took his place opposite him.
"Naw man, I was just curious. Your dad always wears flannel, and then you were too. It made me wonder."
"Wonder what, Noah?"
"If you guys were lumberjacks or something." With a shrug, Puck crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, enjoying the comfort that was Kurt and his cozy ass bedroom.
"Are you shitting me, Puckerman? Lumberjacks? Do you really think I'd allow my dad to lead a life where he starred as a wood-chopping lumberjack?" Kurt stared at his love incredulously, glaring as one hazel eyes peeped open to look at the blue-green eyes burning holes into his relaxed face.
"Hey man, I was just wondering. I can't be the first one to have ever asked."
"You'd be surprised, Puckerman."
"Yeah, yeah, well I'm sure I'm not the first one to ever wonder about it, then." Pressing himself into the bed more, Puck let out a contented groan. "What are you doing so far away, get over here."
"I'm practically on top of you, Noah."
"Practically is not close enough; you should know that by now, Princess."
With his own groan, Kurt drew himself closer to Puck. Clearly, wedging himself into his side was not near enough, and the older teen pulled his arms away from holding his head up. Grabbing Kurt and pulling him literally on top of Puck's chest, he cradled the teen in by keeping a strong hold around his toned torso.
"I love us." Kurt sighed pleasurably.
"Hey, babe?" Noah asked as both boys' eyes shut, relishing in the moment of simply lying together without anyone yelling questions or threats at them.
"Are you sure your dad's not a lumberjack, because you just gave me some wood."
Maybe it was a good thing that no one else in the Hummel-Hudson household was home at that point, or else the pair would have to deal with numerous questioning faces for just way the sound of Kurt's hand slapping Puck's rang throughout the house. Or, pondering faces demanding to know how real Puck's sincerity for their newly formed relationship was as he let out a slew of curses riddled between chortling laughs in response to the abuse.
"I would appreciate it if you didn't go putting words into my mouth, Noah."
"Why, prefer to have something else down it?"
"You're just jealous because I refuse to suck you off." Kurt stood with dignified grace as he grabbed his messenger bag and began to leave the choir room, he and Puck being the only two left in the space.
"I think you're more scared of what's hidden beneath my buckle than stubborn and simply refusing, babe." Puck shrugged as he walked next to the teen as they left the room.
"In your dreams, Puckerman."
"Every night, babe. More often than you'd ever imagine, evidently." The way Puck spoke, so nonchalantly, no one passing by would have been able to realize the context of their conversation just by the sounds of it. "You're good at English right?"
"I succeed at nearly every single class here at McKinley with flying colors more bright than the rainbow I leave in my wake, Puck. I thought that was obvious." Kurt rolled his eyes with indignation.
"Sarcastic bitch." Puck leaned against the locker adjacent to Kurt's opened one, staring at the slightly shorter boy intently. "As I was saying, I was wondering if you could help me with something tonight."
"What is it? Can't any of the cheerleaders offer their services to you, or are they sick of your games?"
"As if, dude. You know the majority of them girls are dumb as bricks." Puck's eye roll was a near perfect replication of Kurt's own trademark bitch-please look. "You see, there happens to be a dictionary in my pants."
"Excuse me?" Kurt looked up from the binder he was setting on its shelf, to stare open-mouthed at the Jewish boy in front of him.
"I was gonna offer you the chance to go back to my place and put some words in your mouth."
"You can't be serious."
"Or my mouth. You know, if there's a dictionary stuck in your own pants, or you just wanna see what's so great about Puckasaurus that keeps the girls coming back for more each and every time."
"You are so crude it's horrible."
"I take that as a yes?"
"Pick me up at six. I have a paper to write first."
"Are you sure you don't want to do it after? After your vocabulary had a chance to get a mouthful of Puckerman and what its like to be a badass?" Smirking, Noah took Kurt's bag from him and walked the boy out to his Navigator. Whoever said nerdy pick up lines didn't work seriously wasn't as hot or commanding as Noah Puckerman, or else he would have had a whole lot higher of a success rate.
A/N Thank you Eliza for the pick up lines used in the first two installments here. As always, feel free to throw any ideas or requests or rambles my way. I love you all dearly.