PersephonesMelody came up with this one, all credit for THAT goes to her.
All credit for characters belongs SOLELY to Miss CP Coulter.
Sing song about marriage to get Reed into the mood.
Carry him bridal-style to the car.
Talk about Blaine and Kurt's marriage on the way to dinner.
Order a breadstick and talk about that movie where the man proposes to his wife with a ring on a breadstick.
Become nostalgic for the Dalton days.
Talk about children.
Tell him I love him.
Carry him back to the car bridal-style.
Ask what type of suit he'd get for his wedding if he had to pick in five minutes.
Double-check his views on gay marriage – which is stupid but I wanted this plan to be Lucky 13 so we're just putting this in here
Get down on one knee outside the apartment
Pull out the ring
Propose to Reed Van Kamp
"It's a beautiful night," Shane sang, pulling on his slacks, "we're looking for something dumb to do…"
"By singing this song…" Reed came into the room tying up a tie. "Are you implying that marriage is dumb?"
Shane just smiled. "I think you're missing the point of the song."
"Is the point of the song that marriage is supposed to be spontaneous?"
"No, I don't-"
"I think it is, and I think it's a weird song. Why are you singing it, I thought you hated Bruno Mars…?" Reed sat on the bed and started to pull on his socks, not looking at Shane.
"Uh, I don't – well, hate is a strong – nevermind." Shane sighed. This was the first part of his 13-point plan. Step 1) Sing song about marriage to get Reed into the mood.
Oh, well, there were still 12 more steps to go, surely they wouldn't all fail.
"Let's try something new…" Shane said, bending down. Before Reed knew what was happening, Shane was pulling his legs up and catching his back as it fell toward the floor. Deftly, as if he'd done this a hundred times – which he had, when Reed had gotten injured – he kicked open the door by pushing the knob with his foot.
"What are you doing?" Reed asked, a blush painting his cheeks.
"Carrying you bridal style to the-"
Shane's foot caught on a crack in the sidewalk, and he did something very Reed-like.
Lost grip on Reed.
His boyfriend almost fell to the sidewalk, but Shane regained his grip just in time.
Reed chuckled nervously. "Maybe…I could walk to the car, instead…"
He reached up and kissed Shane briefly before turning. "Walking isn't too-"
And he tripped on the next crack.
"So." Shane glanced at Reed in the passenger's seat as he navigated the congested streets of New York. Usually they just got taxis, and only had this car for when they left the city, but Shane wanted to take Reed out of the city to go to a restaurant. He didn't like the claustrophobia of the city; they never had a private moment.
"Is Kurt excited?"
"For what?" Reed was staring out the window, tracing patterns on it with his finger.
"His wedding," Shane deadpanned. "You didn't forget."
"Oh, not the wedding." Reed sighed dramatically. "Every other word anybody says is about that wedding."
"I know how you feel." Shane mentally crossed off Step 3 from the list in his mind, although maybe he should bring it up again later. This wasn't exactly the happy discussion he'd hoped for. "Blaine won't shut up about it. Ever."
"I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong." Reed waved a hand dismissively. "It's just…I'd like Kurt to shut up for one minute about the cake. They're going to eat it. It'll be gone four hours after it's made! How big a deal can it be?"
"Right." Shane sighed. This wasn't working out like he'd planned.
Shane picked up the breadstick basket on the table and handed it to Reed.
"Remember that movie where the guy proposed to his wife by putting the ring on a breadstick?" he asked as Reed took a breadstick.
"No." Reed bit into it.
"Well…he did. Or…was it a book?"
"Not sure…" Reed looked down at the breadstick. "Oh, ew, this is gross. And besides, it's empty calories. Look at this, not even whole grain." He pointed to the inside. "And it looks like a penis."
Shane choked on the water he'd been sipping. "I think I'm rubbing off on you," he said once he'd wiped his mouth.
"I don't mind." Reed's leg brushed Shane's under the table. "And besides, it really does look like a penis."
"Remember when we met?" Shane asked, twirling his spaghetti on his fork.
Reed held up a finger, signaling 'hold on a minute,' while he finished chewing. However, as he swallowed, he started to choke a little bit on the meatball. He took a quick drink and the meatball slid down his throat, but all thoughts of the night they'd met flew out of his mind.
"Wow. I even injure myself when I'm eating," Reed laughed.
Shane echoed his laugh hollowly. Why was none of this working? Reed was deflecting every single attempt at being romantic that Shane tried.
"So. Kids." Shane tapped his empty plate with the tips of his fingers.
"Kurt wants to adopt some," Reed said, and then entered a long-winded rant about how he was afraid that if Kurt adopted kids then they'd be the best-dressed around, and the most smothered, just like Reed had been.
"I think Blaine would keep that from happening, don't you?" Shane asked when Reed finally stopped for breath.
"I don't think Blaine has any power over Kurt. At least, not in that kind of way."
"And in what kind of way does-"
"Oh, here comes our waiter!"
"Hey." Shane kicked Reed's leg under the table to get his attention – Reed was watching the waiter walk away, a glazed look in his eyes. "I love you."
Reed looked back at Shane. "What?"
"I love you," Shane repeated.
"Duh." Reed rolled his eyes. "Is this news?"
"Can't I say it randomly?"
"Yeah, but I was thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
"Think about you, now shut up and get your stuff so we can leave!"
"May I carry you back to the car bridal-style?" Shane asked, digging the toe of his Converse sneaker into the ground.
"No." Reed stalked ahead.
"Because you almost dropped me last time…" Reed turned around and winked. "And I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself."
Shane almost gave up the whole 13-step plan at that point. He'd just come up with another plan for another night, something better. Maybe when Reed was in a better mood, because Reed clearly had something on his mind. Maybe three weeks before Blaine and Kurt's wedding wasn't such a good idea, after all…
But why not just try one more time?
"So, Kurt's obsessing about his suit. If you were getting married and had to choose now, what would your suit be like?" Shane asked, catching up with Reed in the parking lot.
"Black with white tie, why do you ask?" Reed answered without skipping a beat.
"Have you given that a lot of thought, or are you just quick with fashion?"
Alright, maybe Shane would have to try a few more steps…
"I mean," Reed continued, "with Kurt blabbering on, how could I not? You know?"
Oh. So it was completely unromantic.
Shane wondered if maybe he should've gone with Blaine's route – getting down on one knee very suddenly and asking if Kurt would marry him – very suddenly. Nothing romantic about it.
But then Shane remembered that Reed had said that if anyone tried to propose to him like that, he'd say no.
And Kurt had complained for two months about how unromantic the whole thing was.
So this way was the only way to go, apparently.
Too bad it was so terrible.
Shane decided the gay marriage thing was stupid, and if none of the other stuff had gone well, it definitely wouldn't go well. So he scrapped it, and his 13-step plan became a 12-step plan, 9 of which had failed miserably.
There was a group of drunk teenagers right outside Reed and Shane's apartment. As they neared them, Shane put his arm around Reed protectively.
"Excuse me," he said loudly, pushing through the crowd.
"Oh, sorry," one girl said. "Wow…you're really hot…" She threw herself in front of Shane. "You taken?"
Shane's arm tightened around Reed's shoulder. "Yes. Happily."
"That's too bad…Well, if that changes…Give me a call." She moved away, taking her friends with her to the next door down, where they turned on music and blasted the whole building with the noise of trashy rap.
"I have a question," Shane said once inside their apartment.
"I'm tired, is it short?" Reed asked.
"Yeah." Shane got down on one knee.
Reed wasn't looking at him. He was rubbing his eyes.
"I kind of have a headache, could you just spit it out?" Reed snapped.
"I-" Shane felt his stomach rush up to his throat.
"You?" Reed looked down at Shane. "What are you down there for?"
Shane stood up. "Just…dropped something. Sorry. Nevermind."
Musak played in the background as Shane and Reed strolled up and down the aisles of the grocery store.
"Do you want thick noodles or thin?" Shane asked, knowing the answer.
"Thin." Reed pulled a soup can off the shelf. "You know, I love you."
Shane blinked. "I love you, too, Reed."
"Really. I think last night I was a little…harsh. You know? I just was thinking…I was expecting…well, nevermind."
Reed didn't have to say what he was expecting for Shane to know.
He'd been expecting Shane to propose, hadn't he?
And Shane had completely missed it?
Suddenly Shane felt himself lowering down, knee hitting the ground hard, and the ring box coming out of his pocket.
"Reed Van Kamp, will you marry me?"
Reed turned, surprised. His mouth widened into a smile.
"I thought you'd never ask."