Disclaimer: I own nothing. All belongs to Glee writers and creators.
A/N: Nothing much. Just a little drabble for my own amusement.
Spoilers (sort of): 2x19 "Rumors"
Gold Dust Woman
Puck was the sort of guy who noticed things. Sexual things, that is. I mean, really, you expect him to notice some chick who dropped her books in the hallway? Cause he does, but pretty much only because her ass is sticking in the air and it's a nice view.
Now that he was with Lauren, the tiger was a little tamer, and he was secure enough with his masculinity that he could admit to that. All it really meant anyway was that he didn't smack the ass hanging in the air anymore, just appreciated from afar until his lady showed back up.
That was the great thing about Lauren. Quinn? She was all about 'my ass is the only one you be looking at, and no touching.' But Lauren understood he had needs. So she was more like 'look all you want, but remember who you're coming home with, big boy.' He could get down with that.
So when his favorite hot Jewish-American princess finished eating that vegan shit she ordered with some sugar coating and started sucking her fingers clean, he didn't really feel any guilt in watching and pretending her thumb was…something else. Cause let's face it: Rachel was smoking, and he knew for a fact that her mouth was really good at certain stuff. It only made sense that he imagined it doing things other than singing or tangling with his.
It was only when she finished with her thumb, pinky, and ring fingers that he started having trouble imagining though. Not because they were talking about Kurt and Sam's supposed affair—bullshit, but whatever—but because she stuck her index and middle finger in her mouth at the same time. And really took her time with it. It was hot, of course, but there was seriously something distracting about it.
He couldn't figure out what was bothering him, but he knew it looked kind of familiar. He saw her tongue peek out once or twice and shifted in his chair, cause damn. And that was when he caught sight of somebody else paying a little too much attention to Rachel's mouth.
Puck had to do a double take, but the second glance showed him the same thing. Quinn not only had her laser gaze on Rachel's lips as they suctioned the sugar off her two fingers, but her cheeks were flushed pink and she kept having to open her mouth because her breaths were coming too heavy. She was totally wearing her sex face—and not her 'I'm so fat, please make me feel more secure' sex face. Her 'I'm going to grab you by your shirt, throw you on this table, and fuck you senseless in front of everyone' sex face.
Actually, he didn't know she had one like that, but come on, he was Puck. He'd know that look anywhere.
He glanced back at Rachel and frowned in disappointment that he'd missed most of the rest of the show as she licked off the pads of her fingers. But then he saw it—her eyes twinkled, for a brief moment, and he hastily looked back toward the recipient of her sparkly eyes. Quinn took a deep, steadying breath and licked her lips, breaking eye contact when she went to take a drink of her hot chocolate.
A loooooooong drink. He lost count of how many gulps she took.
That was when the light bulb went off over his head. Lesbian porno!
That was where he'd seen the two-finger suck thing, that's what had been bothering him, and holy shit, Quinn and Rachel were totally doing it!
Puck didn't know whether to get up and yell it to the room, or run to the bathroom for a little privacy. So instead he just sat there with a shit-eating grin, which was when he caught Lauren's smirk at him across the table. All she had to do was flick her gaze from Rachel to Quinn quickly, and he knew she'd seen it all, too.
God, he loved that woman.
"We need proof," was all Lauren had said when they left the Lima Bean after that stupid discussion about Sam's gayness. Puck had wanted to scoff that Quinn would know when she made that parting statement, but his lady kicked him under the table. His mouth shut pretty quickly.
But anyway, all he said back was, "Then proof we will get."
In his opinion, they were already being pretty freaking obvious about it with all the singing with Finn to make each other jealous and shit, and Rachel calling her out on her cheating and stuff. But nobody else seemed to notice their power games, and so they were stuck with stalking. Or 'tailing' as Lauren liked to call it.
Since Rachel was like a ninja with her height and hair color, and Quinn was more like a freaking beacon of light with her hair, they decided to follow the blondie. And boy, was she easy to follow. It's like her brain was completely somewhere else or something, because Puck was sure a normal person would've noticed that they were being followed by a blue truck ever since they left their house. Of course, he was following at a respectable distance, cause, hello, badass skills here. But come on.
Then it occurred to him that she was probably thinking about new positions, and he forgave her for her stupidity.
They got safely to the motel and parked on the curb for the moment, watching while Quinn turned off the engine and…well, Puck couldn't see what she was doing from here, which was what the binoculars were for, but he doubted she was doing anything cool. So he waited as Lauren instructed, and then Quinn got out of her car, fluffing up her hair, and stepped up to one of the doors, knocking three times.
Lauren quickly raised the digital camera she'd gotten for Christmas—it had awesome zoom capabilities—and Puck squinted when the door whipped open, and then he couldn't take it anymore. He quickly lifted the binoculars he'd swiped from Finn's locker and watched as Rachel leaned in the doorframe. He frowned when he realized she was still fully clothed—and in the same ugly crap she'd been wearing earlier.
They seemed to be talking for a minute, and Rachel did not look happy with whatever Quinn was saying. She gave her diva head shake when the blonde head stopped bobbing, said something snotty (he could just tell from her face), and reached to close the door, but Quinn quickly put her hand on it, and then they stopped and Rachel leaned in closer and Puck held his breath—
And deflated, because even though their bodies were only a few inches away from each other, all Rachel did was grab the lapel of Quinn's jacket and tug her inside. The door closed, and Puck sighed in defeat, but Lauren was grinning when he turned to look at her, pleased with what they'd gotten, apparently.
He pulled into a parking place a row over and turned the engine off before grabbing the mini-picnic he'd brought for them while they waited, and they had what he would consider their fifteenth official date.
Which seriously got boring after like the fourth hour of sitting there doing nothing. Puck wasn't so sure they were really having sex after the third hour, because who has stamina like that? But then Lauren reminded him of one of the stupid perks of being a girl.
Damn multiple orgasms.
Anyway, he was just about sleeping when it got to be around one in the morning, dozing off to light dreams of him and Lauren playing Halo…kicking Finn's ass…and then having awesomely mind-blowing sex.
Which apparently involved hitting, which he hadn't really expected, but—oh!
He jerked up hastily, saying, "I'm up, I'm up. What'd I miss?"
"They're coming out," Lauren hissed, and he looked over at the door with squinty eyes just as Quinn exited the motel room. He grinned when he saw that her hair was way more messed up than before, and grabbed the binoculars so he could get a better view of her sex hair.
Rachel appeared in the doorframe shortly, and her hair wasn't in much better state, but now she was wearing a jacket. She turned and shut the door, flipping the keys around her fingers as she turned back to Quinn, who shifted closer, tugging at the hem of Rachel's skirt almost playfully before dipping down and—SCORE! Touchdown! Bingo! What the fuck ever, they are totally DOING IT!
Puck practically bounced in his seat, grinning goofily as Rachel's hands disappeared under Quinn's jacket and Quinn's burrowed in Rachel's hair. The grin started to fade the longer the kiss went on. Okay, guys. Don't do it against the door. I mean, it's hot, but what if there are kids pulling late night pranks out here?
"God, Fabray, eat her face off, why don't you?" Lauren muttered next to him, and he grunted his agreement.
Finally, they pulled apart, both breathing hard, and Rachel nuzzled into Quinn's face, rubbing their cheeks before she buried her face into the crook of her secret lover's neck, and Quinn wrapped her arms tight around her waist. Puck had an internal 'awww' moment. He will seriously kick your ass if you tell anyone.
Then, at long last, they pulled apart, holding hands until their arms would stretch no farther, and Quinn paused at her car one more time before getting in and driving away. Rachel watched her disappear, heaving a sigh worthy of an Oscar before walking to the main office building. She shoved the key under the door and then she, too, returned to her car before disappearing into the night.
Puck waited until he was sure she was gone before lowering the binoculars and looking over at a smirking Lauren, who held up her digital camera proudly, along with a hand for a high-five. He forewent the five to go for first base instead.
It was the only proper way to thank the best girlfriend ever for giving him the best night of his entire life.