Chapter Seventeen "YOU'RE SO FUCKING SLOW"- Reviewers

"I KNOW FUCK SORRY ABOUT THAT" - Super Awesome Author


"UH, NO PROMISES." - Super Awesome Author


Feliks stared at his phone, mouth agape, and furrowed his brows as he quickly developed a plan. He sat up straight on his bunked bed, one hand running hastily through his hair.

He quickly pressed through his phone's menu to his contact list, and dialed a very new number.

He bit his lip while the phone rang.


"Mattie!" Feliks blurted. "You gotta help me!"

"Feliks? Uh, what time is it—"

"Who the fuck—what fucking time is it? Who fucking calls at this time, fuck!"

"Ignore Gil, Feliks. He's a grump when you wake him up."

"Fuck you."

"How can I help you?"

"I just texted Toris!" Feliks cried. "Can I pretend we were getting wasted at your place so I can send him other semi-drunk texts?"

"Uh, sure thing. G'night, Feliks."

Feliks hung up with a decisive nod.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 1:20 AM]

i like penis alot k

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 1:20 AM]

cuz I am gay

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 1:20 AM]


[Sent: Tues Aug 25 1:20 AM]


With a relived sigh, Feliks tossed his phone to the floor and collapsed back onto his pillow.

Feliks wasn't sure what time Tino got back, but the next morning was a fluster of activity.

"I can't believe I slept through my alarm." Tino grouched wearily.

"You play, you pay." Feliks teased. Feliks didn't have class until ten, while Tino was running late for his nine 'o five.

"I might just skip." Tino sighed. "Differential equations is kind of easy."

"Tino!" Feliks gasped and slapped a hand over his heart. "Skipping is bad. What would Berwald say?"

Tino glowered as Feliks dissolved into giggles.

"Fuck it." Tino grumbled as he crawled back under the covers. "Fuck it."

Berwald froze when he got a text from Tino during his first class—in all honesty, he shouldn't have checked it, but it might have been from Tino and it was so his decision was completely justified.

Tino had skipped his first period class. Apparently Berwald had worn him out.

Berwald's lips twitched with the innuendo in that statement, but he didn't think Tino would appreciate it.

And then it flashed into his head: number two, do it now. Do. It. NOW.

Berwald straightened his shoulders, pocketed his phone, and slipped out of his classroom. He paused a few feet from the closed door and dialed Tino's number.



"Um, hi Ber."

"I called."

"Yes, um, you did. Can I help you?"

"I called because I was thinking about you."

"Um. Thanks?"

"You're welcome. If you like, I can call you back and insist you don't pick up so I can leave you a sweet voicemail. But only if you want one."

"Uh, wow, Berwald. That is… very considerate of you."


"But I'm okay for now. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"K. Bye."

Berwald hung up and mentally congratulated himself on his success.

Tino sighed, staring at his phone. Feliks giggled at his expression.

"You have the patience of a saint." Feliks teased. "Perhaps not the virtue, though, as I've already found where you stash your porn collection—"

Tino made a noise of embarrassment.

"It's so cute, though! Berwald is obviously your type. And I was shocked at the state of those magazines, Tino. Tsk."

"Leave off." Tino growled. "At least I can get some."

"I can get some any day of the week!" Feliks remarked, insulted. "Look at this ass! This ass is fabulous. Have you, like, seen a hotter ass?"

"Berwald's ass is pretty hot." Tino begrudgingly admitted. "I kind of want to fuck him."

"He'd let you."

"That's not the point." Tino sighed dramatically once more, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling.

"You are such a moper." Feliks chastised. "He just called you to say hi, right?"

"Mmph." Tino mumbled into his arm, which was slung over his face in some sort of self-pity crisis.

"He's really sweet, and he is so totally into you—"

"He loves me."

"Oh, I don't doubt it."

"No," Tino rolled up, "you don't understand. When we, last night, we went out to the gelato festival—"

"All that ice cream is gonna so straight to your, like, stomach."

"Fuck off about my weight. He told me he loved me."

"That's… that's fucking cute!" Feliks squealed. "No wonder you want to fuck him."

"But that's why I don't think I can." Tino interrupted morosely. "It would mean more to him than me, and I don't want to lead him on like that."

"He's a guy, he'd know sex is just sex." Feliks shrugged.

Tino shrugged back. "I just don't think it's right. Not until my feelings are somewhat equal."

Feliks rolled his eyes. "You could just talk to him about it."

Tino chuckled. "I have a feeling the thought of sex with me might make his brain explode."

"In a totally good way."

"Yeah, well."

"Also, when you say you want to fuck him I am assuming you want him to fuck you 'cause like, I bet he has the most fantastic cock ever, like have you seen the size of that man? God damn. You got to tell me details once you get them."

Tino flushed. "Well, I kind of want to ride him."

Feliks lifted his brows salaciously. "Yeah?"

"You know, like on his lap and stuff…"

"Oh, honey." Feliks laughed. "Trust me, I know."

"I just… I have a feeling he's going to want to be in control." Tino frowned. "I am not much for fighting, but if he thinks for one fucking second I am going to lie back and take it like a bitch—"

Feliks dissolved into laughter. "I think you should find a way to tie him to the bed."

Tino's eyes widened. "Fuck, yes. But what if he broke out somehow? His arm muscles are unreal."

"That'd be fucking hot if he broke free, you'd so get off on it."

"Yeah." Tino grinned. " Hell yeah I would."

"So what, we have to come up with a way of tying him to the bed without him noticing?"

"We have time." Tino mused. "We haven't even seen each other's genitals. I doubt we're going to be fucking anytime soon."

Feliks cackled. "Making love~"

Tino hummed and rested his elbows on his knees. "I meant it when I said I didn't want to rush it."

"Berwald most definitely does not share those feelings… like, think about the way he asked you out!" Feliks interjected. "He just like, did it. In front of God and everybody the second he saw you."

Tino rolled his eyes. "It's not about his pace, it's about my pace."

"Which is controlled by your dick."

"Well, yeah."

Feliks shrugged. "So you won't be able to hold out that long. Your balls will fall off."

Tino's wrinkled his brow. "Thanks for that disgusting imagery."

"You love it."

"He also said he wanted to take me to Rome, Venice, Capri…" Tino trailed off. "He's kind of romantic."

"Kind of?" Feliks interjected. "Try totally."

"I don't know." Tino said. "He's really hot."

"Awkwardness and all?"


"Hmm." Feliks smiled smugly. "It will work out."

"Oh, I am well aware." Tino rolled his eyes. "Berwald has probably already got lube and condoms for the occasion."

"Again, 'probably'?"

"All right!" Tino conceded. "I'd be more surprised if he didn't."

"I'd be surprised if he didn't have a porno collection starring Finnish boys with plump asses."

"I'm not fucking plump."

"You're like, a bit plump."


"If you really cared, you shouldn't eat so much gelato."

"But's it's so good!" Tino complained. "Food that good shouldn't come with calories."

"If you can find a way to make that a reality, you will be fucking rich." Feliks chuckled.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 11:26 AM]

Do you think I'm fat?

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:02 PM]


[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:05 PM]

Do you think I'm slightly overweight?

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:07 PM]

I think you're perfect.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:08 PM]

Would you call me "plump"?

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:10 PM]

Is that slang for something.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:11 PM]

No. Just plump as in plump.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:13 PM]

Are you worried about your weight.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:15 PM]


[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:16 PM]


[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:17 PM]

So maybe I think I'm a bit chubby.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:18 PM]

What are you going to do about it.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:20 PM]

I don't know? I fucking love food.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:22 PM]

We can go on walks instead of sitting.

[Received Tues Aug 25 12:24 PM]

I just, I don't really think I'll ever be fit.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:26 PM]

Who cares. I want you happy.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:30 PM]

You're sweet.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:30 PM]

You're gorgeous.

[Received: Tues Aug 25 12:31 PM]

I want to kiss you.

[Sent: Tues Aug 25 12:32 PM]

Where are you omw

Feliks was irritated. Toris still hadn't responded to his "drunk" texts. I mean, yeah they were stupid, but Toris was supposed to get irritated and send him messages complaining about Feliks' dumb behavior. And yet, nothing!

Tino and Berwald were out somewhere, so Berwald at least wasn't in his room. Maybe Toris was alone?

Feliks walked over to his and Tino's shared mirror. He quickly sent Tino a text—encouraging him to keep Berwald away as long as possible—and then he plotted.

Toris was a softy. If Feliks pretended to be drunk and sauntered over there drunkenly, Toris wouldn't let him in. Toris didn't like Feliks' drinking.

Feliks hadn't been best friends with Toris for years for nothing. He had a plan.

Toris was pulled away from his book by three soft knocks on his door. His brow furrowed—it was about four in the afternoon, too early for anyone to come by to ask about dinner—and his questions were solved when he opened the door to find a teary Feliks hugging a pink pillow.

"C-Can I come in?" Feliks whispered. "Please?"


Toris watched Feliks' bottom lip quiver. He grabbed Feliks' forearm and tugged him into the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. By the time he turned around, Feliks was in tears.

"What's wrong?"

"I…" Feliks sniffed, a huge snorting of snot sound that made Toris cringe and reach for a tissue box. "I just m-miss..!" And Toris watched Feliks dissolve into tears.

"Hey." Toris said quietly. "Feliks—"

Feliks flung his arms around Toris, burying his head into Toris' neck and sobbing.

Toris sighed, wrapping his arms around the distraught blond and preparing himself for a comforting conversation.

Feliks' diabolical plan was working! He was such a clever bitch.

Feigning homesickness was perfect—something Toris could relate too, of course, and something that would easily create realistic tears. Something Feliks could use to bring up their friendship, and then his proposal.

A proposal that was not like Berwald's, of course.

After sobbing for a good five minutes, Feliks pulled away and sniffed, giggling internally at Toris' presentation of a tissue. Toris had always hated sniffles. Feliks blew his nose, and then rested his head against Toris' chest.


"Mmhmm." Feliks mumbled. "I… I'm sorry—"

"Hey, it's okay." Toris' hands were so soothing, Feliks couldn't believe he had forgotten. "I'm just glad you're feeling better."

Feliks nodded, knowing that the original diabolical plan was being overtaken with mushy emotions.



"I'm totally in love with you."

Perhaps it had become a proposal more similar to Berwald's than Feliks would like to admit.

A/N: TOLD you I'd update eventually. BAM. You're welcome.

Big thanks to everyone for being ridiculously nice in the sense my inbox has never been full of giant balls of flaming hate and/or more reasonable "why are you sooo slooooow" gripes. Also, someone said someone had stolen something from me somewhere on the internet but I looked and it was deleted, so thanks all for saving me there too. Also, who the fuck wants to steal my stories. I reread this and was like, "damn, spelling n grammar I is not so gud at" but I am way too lazy to fix this shit. Anyway, don't steal because they will fucking catch you in college or university which will be real-life bad. They will kick you out and shit.

As for me, if you are wondering, I am actually getting ready to go into the world of actual adulthood. I am old. *cry* There is so much uncertainty! I have no idea what I am doing with my life.