Magic Moment's Series Summary: In which the relationship between Sirius and Remus is explored in depth; from friendship, to love, to nostalgia. From Marauders' Era to Pre-Prisoner of Azkaban.
Story Summary: The aftermath of the "Prank" in which Sirius sent Snape to the Shrieking Shack on a full moon. SiriusRemus friendship, slash in later fics.
Warnings: Preslash, small amount of swearing
First in the Magic Moments series
So while I'm turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars
Look at the stars, falling down,
And I wonder where, did I go wrong
James Blunt - Same Mistake
It was a cold night on the Astronomy tower, and no one in their right mind would be up there. However, the Blacks were not very well known for their sanity, and Sirius was no exception.
Sirius shivered in the cold air, but other than that showed no outward sign that he felt it. The moon shined mockingly above him. Anyone who wasn't a Marauder might have thought that it was a full moon, but Sirius knew better, and he hated that fact.
The full moon had been three nights ago now. It had been three nights since he had last spoken to Remus. Like a coward, he had run, and not looked back. He slept in the kitchens, where he was kept awake each night by the cracks of House Elves returning and leaving instead of his shattered conscience.
He was, to put it simply, the world's biggest prat. It was supposed to be a prank - something they could all laugh about later. He hadn't thought about what would actually happen when he told Snape how to get into the Shrieking Shack. He hadn't thought at all.
But he had no excuse. If he had one, if he had even the slightest reason for Remus to forgive him, maybe he would have confronted the werewolf by now.
It wasn't even until James had found him afterwards that he realised exactly what had happened - what he had done. He hadn't thought that Snape would be killed, let alone what would happen to Remus if that happened. It had taken a graphic explanation from James of how they executed werewolves who contaminated others before he realised he had almost killed, in cold blood, one of his best friends.
And like the cowardly idiot he was, he hadn't seen Remus. He'd skipped all the classes he had with him today. He'd spoken to James once since that night, receiving a punch in the face for his troubles, and had nodded at Pete, who, rightfully, shook his head and looked away.
As it should be, Sirius realised. He had never in his life fucked up so badly. How could Remus forgive him for this? And how could the others be friendly to him after what he had done?
If the boy had jumped any more, he would have fallen off the top of the tower - not a pleasant thing to happen. As it was, he spun around way too fast and had to grasp the side to steady himself.
"Remus!" He exclaimed, immediately recognising the silhouette of one of his best friends. Not that the voice hadn't given Remus away.
"You've been hiding from me." Remus stated, his voice bland. Sirius couldn't tell if he was upset or angry because it held no expression.
"No. Well, yes. I'm sorry for everything, Moony!"
Remus just raised his eyebrows, and Sirius felt his eyes prickle. He wanted Remus to smile at him and tell him it would be okay. He wanted Remus to yell at him and punch him and push him off the top of this bloody tower if he had to.
"I didn't think. It all happened so fast, and all I could think of was getting to James and telling him what had happened, and then he was running to stop Snape and he told Pete to get Dumbledore and I couldn't do anything. And then I wanted to see you but you were still a wolf, and when they brought you up to the hospital wing James punched me and I ran, and I couldn't see you…Merlin, Remmy, I'm so sorry."
Sirius was crying now, and his story came out between the sobs that shook his body. Tears ran down his cheeks and all the time Remus's expression stayed the same. By the end of it, Sirius was looking at the ground, unable to meet the werewolf's eyes.
"I didn't think you'd kill him or bite him or whatever…I didn't think at all…I was just really mad at him and thought "it'd serve him right if he met you", and I didn't realise the Ministry would…I didn't realise they'd…they'd…."
He couldn't say the words. He'd almost done that to Moony - if that had happened, he would have been a murderer.
And then a pair of thin arms wrapped around him, banishing the cold that Sirius had forgotten was there. Not even realising who was hugging him, he turned into the embrace, burying his head into Remus's shoulder as he cried and cried and cried.
"It's okay, Sirius. Shh, now. It's alright."
Remus held him like that, rubbing his back as Sirius drenched his shoulder, until the animagus's sobs had dissolved into hiccups, and when even they'd ceased, Sirius's arms slipped out from where they were pressed in between Remus's body and his and wrapped them around the werewolf's waist. It was a very unmanly embrace, something Sirius wouldn't have even considered participating in, in public. But they weren't in public, and Sirius was too much of a mess to care.
"Aren't you angry with me?" He mumbled into Remus's jumper. It was inaudible, and the werewolf had to ask him to repeat it.
"Not really," Remus mused. "I was a bit, at first. I was more hurt that you would do that. And I missed you."
"Even after what I'd done?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded.
"I'm sorry," he said again.
"I forgive you," Remus whispered, and Sirius felt tears well up in his eyes again.
It was a long while before they pulled apart.