When Konan woke up it was raining. Again.

It pattered against her cloak as she stepped outside of the cave to stretch her arms and the symbolic wings she suddenly acquired at the start of this story. (A/N: I didn't mention them earlier because I was talking about the rain.) She pulled a cigarette from between her boobs which were barely covered by her low-cut fishnet top. She leaned down and pulled a book of matches from the side of her hooker boots and lit her cigarette, watching as the smoke spiraled up into the air between raindrops.

Just as she was finishing her cigarette she heard footsteps behind her. She recognized them as Pein's and instantly became horny. She turned around and found herself staring into Pain's sadistically sexy Rinnegan eyes.

"Morning," he greeted. God, Konan thought, his voice is so hot. The thought made her almost want to cry. Why doesn't he love me? He can see my boobs, are they not big enough for him?

But, of course, she couldn't say any of those things out loud because then he might stop coming into her room each night and raping her violently and abusively. Or at least, he thought he was raping her. What he didn't know was that she secretly enjoyed it… a lot, and you can't rape the willing. And since she was extremely willing that meant it wasn't really rape, but she wasn't about to tell him that. She never wanted him to stop. Ever. Out of all the men she'd had sex with – which was everyone in the Akatsuki and pretty much every guy she had encountered since the age of fourteen – Pein was by far the best. And that was saying something because A) she'd had sex with a lot of men and B) she didn't usually like sex. There were a lot of things Konan didn't like. People, kittens, sunshine, flowers, rain, pancakes, this one slightly deformed looking cloud on her cloak, and papercuts, just to name a few.

Another thing that Konan didn't like was saying 'good morning.' That probably had something to do with the fact that she didn't like mornings so, to her, mornings were never good. And since she didn't like saying good morning, her only response to Pein's greeting was to nod at him and give him an almost-maybe-but-JK-not-really smile… which really meant just turning her mouth up at the corner of her lips in something that looked a lot like a grimace.

"So what's our plan for today?" Konan asked. She knew he probably wanted to use today as effectively as possible, maybe blow up a village… or six.

"You may do as you wish today, Konan. I have… other plans." Pein said mysteriously, walking back into the cave without further explanation.

"Wait," Konan called as she followed him, "What are your plans?" And why don't they involve sex with me? She wondered.

"Last night I kidnapped Sasori's new fiancé. I have to make sure to abuse and mentally scar her before he figures out where she is." Pain explained. Konan's heart sunk.

"I didn't even know Sasori had a fiancé…" I bet she's prettier than me, Konan thought hatefully.

"Hopefully he won't after I get done with her." Pein commented. The he walked away, leaving Konan alone with her burned-out cigarette and whore clothes.

After several hours of smacking around Sasori's fiancé, Pein went out into the rain to get himself some lunch, leaving his captive unattended.

Curious, Konan waited until he was gone, then went to go investigate. Hidden in a small corner in the back of Pein's room, she found the girl chained to the wall. Even though she was shaking and her face was wet with tears and snot, she still looked really attractive. She had long, flowy blond hair and a really attractive body that made it no surprise to Konan that Pein would rather spend time with this chick rather than her.

It seriously pissed Konan off that this chick was stealing Pein away from her. She knew she shouldn't care since Pein didn't love her or anyone else, but she couldn't stop the bubbling rage that heated her limbs and made them surge into action. Konan stepped towards the other girl and smacked her upside the head several times while drawing cruel comments all over her body with a sharpie that she found in a desk she didn't know Pein even had. When she was done she completed the desecration by completely scribbling over the woman's face so that it was black and would be impossible to find in the dark. That way, when Pein came back from his lunch, he wouldn't be able to see the girl's face in the dark room and hopefully would think that she had escaped. Then he would give up and go back to raping Konan… even though, as it was established earlier, it wasn't really rape.

It turned out that when Pein returned, she didn't have to worry about the kidnapped chick at all. When Pein got back he was covered in a quadrazillion bruises and cuts and he looked like he should be practically dead from blood loss and bruising.

"Holy—Pein, what happened?" She asked, shocked at seeing her incredible deity injured in such an impossible way.

"M-M-M-Madara," he gasped painfully, practically collapsing into Konan's arms.

"What did he do to you?" Konan had never liked Madara. She'd had sex with him a couple dozen times, but she didn't like it. Then again, she didn't like sex. Unless it was with Pein. Then she kind of liked it a lot.

"He – he… he hit me. Alot." Pein explained. Konan was sure he would have given more details of the fight if he hadn't been so weak. He could barely hold his eyes open.

"It's okay," she told him quietly, holding onto him and pressing his face into her breasts, "I'll nurse you back to health."

And so she did.

The end.