A/N: This is the companion story to my fanfiction, Hell In A Handbasket. That story isn't completed yet but you would need to read it before you read this. For every one chapter, its two chapters of Hell. This will contain language, angst, errors, drama, homosexuality, heterosexuality, AU-ness, etc. Hope you enjoy.
The summer before my fifth year had been an absolute nightmare.
My mother the always the polished, refined type, started forcing me into holiday lessons. Not on anything interesting of course. Not a blasted subject that I enjoyed. She wanted me to have a literature tutor. One who would make me a "more cultured youth". It was a load of dung, to be brusque. I read enough during the school year. Enough to get the highest marks in my year in Slytherin. Not that it was a particularly challenging thing. Half my mates were still caught up in elementary wand waving.
So I spent every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with the dullest man on earth. Mr. Henry C. Spinterello. He had a bird like neck and an overbite. But the way my mother went on about him-, you would have thought Mr. Spinterello was some charming bloke with a sparkling personality. The truth was he had money. And an education. So he was hired to bore me into a stupor. I don't think he cared much whether or not I paid attention to the one on one lectures as long as I read the assigned novels. Most were Muggle written, which was kind of shocking to me. If my Grandfather knew what my Mother was impressing upon me, poor Mr. Spinterello would be no more.
My father's family was a touch beneath completely mental. My mother's family was a notch above an ice sculpture. Somehow, I turned out to be their most desired offspring. I wasn't bad at Quidditch. I did pretty well in my studies. I was even dating the girl I was set to marry before birth, Violet Desireé Nott.
The really pitiable thing was that I was so miserable. And I could not tell a soul about it.
No one in my family would understand. My friends, I don't think they had the capacity to understand that money and status doesn't buy happiness. At least, it wasn't doing it for me. I will admit that the Muggle literature grew on me. Shakespeare was the most enthralling, particularly A Midsummer's Night Dream. The wrong people falling in love, and even magic. It was actually shocking to know a Muggle could write such fascinating magical characters. It was the one I brought along to school with me in the fall. This was despite the fact that I had already read it several times over.
My schedule for fifth year was confusing to say the least. I had to be moved into a different Transfiguration because I was taking three electives, instead of just two. Not that it had been my idea. Mother had insisted to Headmistress Randolph that I be admitted into Ancient Runes, Divination, and Arithmacy. I was trapped by myself in the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw Transfiguration period. Of course I pleaded with the Head of House, Professor Wirland. But he agreed with my mother's bequest on the thought that I could handle it. Most times peoples assumptions came before my own desires.
One rainy Monday I was running late for class. I burst into Professor Turner's room with a loud bang. Gryffindor's eyed me up with reproach. I wouldn't be well liked even if I wasn't titled a Malfoy. I was Keeper for the house team and we'd beaten them last term for the cup. They irked me. I let my banging and clanging go over louder on purpose before I finally sat down. Turner was droning on about something dull as usual. He was a nice fellow, truly, but I could swear he was a cousin of Mr. Spinterello. I brought out my battered copy of A Midsummer's Nights Dream and began to read it beneath my desk.
Usually reading distracted me enough. But that morning I was really beginning to stress out. Violet was angry with me. Well, she always was. This time she actually had a legitimate reason. Over the summer holidays her parents had thrown her a birthday party at their manor house in Norway. I was invited of course. So was her ex-friend, Claudia Veerland. I hadn't meant what happened that evening. If you truly looked at it, nothing really happened at all…
"Kiss me, Scorpius,"
Claudia had convinced me to go on a stroll into the Nott's garden. I had drank a bit too much of the wine offered by her parents and now I was feeling flushed. Her request only made it worse. I didn't stop her from kissing me. It was how I felt that made me jump backwards. I was totally numb. Claudia was insanely beautiful. Perfect, full lips. Long legs that went on forever beneath her short skirt. She was tempting. To everyone but myself apparently. She couldn't turn me on one bit. Lately, nothing could. Did impotency hit fifteen year olds? If that was possible, I would guess that it was happening to me.
"What's wrong with you?" her mouth creased into a frown. I tried to stare at the holly growing behind her.
"I'm dating Violet. You should know better."
Claudia almost growled. "You belong with me…Vi's a selfish crow. She won't let any girls even talk to you."
"You weren't exactly talking just now, were you?" I said sharply.
I could see the blush brighten her pale cheeks. "You liked snogging me at the Christmas party!"
"I also liked being pissed off my arse at the party…"
She rolled her eyes. "You are impossible…you really didn't feel anything that night,"
"What are you talking about?"
"You weren't turned on by it at all! You weren't tonight, either. I only came to see you…" Claudia said hopefully, batting her gigantic eyelashes in my direction.
My body stiffened. Whatever looseness the wine had provided, evaporated.
"I'm going back inside."
I left Claudia looking both positively murderous and pixie like beneath the yellow fogginess of the gas light.
What Violet heard once we returned to school was a very different explanation of events, via the gossip circuit. She heard we had nearly had sex right smack in the middle of her garden, but I had been too pissed to finish the deed. It was embarrassing sure, but untrue so what did I care? The only bad part was Violet's anger. She wouldn't talk with me and listen to reason. I wasn't some cheating lush. At least not yet. Being a lush would be a total cakewalk.
She still wasn't speaking to me the day of the Quidditch opener. We were playing against Gryffindor (as usual). I saw her right before I went down to the field with Martin Higgs. I tried getting her attention but she blew me off.
"What'd you go and do now?" Martin asked after Violet's cold shoulder had passed.
I shrugged. "I'm always doing something."
Flint, the captain, the Head Boy, the Slytherin king of kings, engaged us in the same speech he had used last term. The new third year Chaser we had acquired was the only one on the team actually listening. I wasn't fond of Flint, and he knew that. I had dated (and by dated, I mean we shagged once when I decided it was time to lose my virginity), his current girlfriend Cassie. He wasn't too thrilled I had made the team last year. I had no reason to hate him but I did anyway just because he hated me. That wasn't logical but he wasn't into logic, I suppose. I had to play by Flint's rules in more ways than one.
"Okay, and Malfoy…remember to block that Li Delarino Chaser. She's their best besides dodgy old Potter, but we know his tricks." Flint told me with a look that clearly told me he thought I was the shottiest Keeper he'd ever seen.
I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded. "I know."
"Alright team. Let's kick their arses once again,"
That familiar buzz of excitement slowly grew in the pit of my stomach. It was a pretty good feeling, Quidditch. Sex wasn't fun for me lately so this was as close to it as I would get. I took off on my broom and easily blocked the beginning shot made by none other than Alexa Li Delarino. She wasn't bad looking for a red head. She had gigantic tits at any rate. Not a bad shot either. But I blocked both of her starting goals, and heard nothing but angry groans coming from beside me.
Of course she was bound to get past me. Our Beaters were really a joke. I sighed inwardly when the Quaffle sped through my left hoop like a bullet.
"…right into the hands of the gorgeous Gryffindor Alexa Li Delarino, who, of course, makes a brilliant goal right through the left side of Keeper, 'Doesn't Let You Scor' Malfoy."
Lorcan Scamander irritated me beyond belief. He had people wear t-shirts with his face plastered all over them. He wasn't even that good at commentating. Although I guess that was the point. Alexa scored on me twice before I blocked her again. Flint was glaring daggers at me the entire match. He would blame me, of course, if we lost. And he did, right after their Seeker caught the snitch twenty minutes later. It was the shortest game between the houses in a decade. I descended for the field with Flint hounding my heels.
"You didn't use the block maneuver we went over, Malfoy. We went over it like a thousand times-,"
"Blame that bloody redhead! I can't always be responsible. Our Beaters need work. And Ursula can't play Seeker, she's dead weight and you know it."
Flint got in my face then. "She's a fair Seeker. You lost us this game."
I glared back at him. "It. Was. Their. New. Chaser. You under estimated her by a long shot,"
"I didn't fucking underestimate that slut Li Delarino!"
Madame Hickens blew her whistle right into my left ear. "Foul, Malfoy! I heard that repulsive language. I think a ten point start for your next opposition is in order,"
"Excuse me? I didn't-,"
"Want it to be twenty?" Hickens cocked her thin eyebrow at me.
I said nothing and left the field without changing. I had been mad before we played but that had made everything worse. I went and changed into my regular school robes from the day before. They were the first things I had came across in my trunk. I kind of wanted to have a pity party for myself, but that wasn't like me. I just took whatever came my way and accepted it. Usually. Few things made me uneasy. Like the Violet situation, for example. I ended up falling asleep until way past midnight. I awoke to a silent dorm. I crept out of bed to see everyone had went to sleep already. Even Higgs. I went into the Common Room expecting it to be vacant. I loved the strange, green glow the room possessed. I felt like a ghost drifting within the dim light from the lake's bottom.
"Scorpius?" Violet's chilly voice came from the circle of armchairs beside the fireplace.
I groaned inwardly. I should have been more careful. "Yes, its me."
Violet was sitting with a friend whose name I couldn't recall. She got out of her chair, still wearing the tight jeans and shirt she had worn to the game that morning. Usually the sight of her arse in anything tight meant it was time to find an abandoned classroom. Tonight it meant nothing to me.
"Want to go talk?"
Her coldness was for once music to my ears. "Let's go."
We walked side by side in total silence. It wasn't awkward. I was just happy she wasn't ignoring me anymore. We ended up in a small chamber near Ravenclaw's west tower. They had the worst castle views. It was all forest and greenery. I shut the chamber door and lit a few candles beside a tapestry of some wizard holding a glass stopper and bottle. When I came back to Violet, my heart almost stopped. Two wet lines of tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"I can't believe you would do something like this, Scorpius…"
I looked down at the floor, breathing softly. "I didn't, I swear…she came onto me."
Violet rolled her gigantic green eyes and uncharacteristically wiped her nose on her shirt sleeve. "You can't expect me to-, what was that noise?"
I found myself almost bearing my teeth. "I don't know…I didn't hear anything,"
Violet kept staring at the door to the chamber, then to the small stained glass window. I sighed softly. I did care about her, in a way. I just wasn't sure if it was the same as it had always been. Actually, I knew something was changing. And that something was unfortunately me.
"I didn't mean to hurt you. It isn't like she meant anything…we didn't do, I swear we didn't, Violet…"
Her little chest puffed up as she looked at me spitefully. "Claudia used to be my friend…why would you do that to me? After all I went through with her…"
I sighed softly. "All I can do is apologize."
Violet's eyes narrowed and her words became as harsh as she was, "Claudia told everyone in our dorm that the only reason you two didn't shag was because you couldn't even get on with it! And then you blamed it on the fact that you were 'so in love with me', that's dragon's shit. And you know it!"
She was particularly screaming at me. I looked away, feeling everything inside me slowly crack. I wonder how many cracks I could handle before I shattered all together.
"I do. I do love you." 'I want to. I want to love you,'
Her face unhardened a little and she took my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together. I went to kiss her damp cheek when the door of the chamber slammed shut.
"Nice. A voyeur ghost. I hope he doesn't tattle to Peeves." Violet complained. I squeezed her hand making her smile.
"Let's just leave then, before we're caught." I kissed her gently on the mouth and guided her back to the common room.
I wanted to give her my heart, really. I just didn't know there was a heart to give anymore.
A/N: The story's title is a play off the American folk song, "Oh My Darling Clementine." I wanted a corny sounding title like the phrase I used for Hell In A Handbasket. I wasn't sure if people would notice the reference so I thought I'd mention it.