A/N: This is what happens when my friend and I were discussing how badass it would have been had they allowed Alex the ears and sonic tail she wanted in the stealing of VanGough's painting scene. And then well.. this was born.
My old friend Charlie Peace was a violin virtuoso
"This was a bad idea." She hissed the words out as she crept along the hall, her PDA held in one hand and her other arm reaching behind her to restrain the Doctor to the shadows.
"Hey!" He whispered back. "That's rude – you asked me to come along." He let out a squeak as she halted abruptly, shoving him back against the wall and flattening herself next to him while she waited for the guard to move past the corridor at the end of theirs. Once it was safe, she turned and glared at him.
"Sweetie, there is clearly something wrong with your hearing. I told you I was doing this and then you alternated between whinging about being bored and staring at me expectantly until I finally let you come along." She sighed, pressing a button on her PDA. "This way." She sighed, moving to the end of the corridor and leading him left.
"I am an asset." He hissed, scanning around with his sonic screwdriver. The noise sounded shatteringly loud in the silence around them and she reached back and snatched the thing from his hands.
"You are going to get us caught. And why must this thing be so damn loud? Attempt to be inconspicuous, dear. Please." She levelled a pleading look at him before handing him back the screwdriver, which he pocketed with a huff.
"Says the woman dressed like a cat."
"I am not dressed like a cat-" She protested and he looked her up and down speculatively.
"I'm fairly certain those pants are painted on. And a bustier? Really River? And please, let's not leave off the ears and the tail." He crossed his arms and glared at her and she grinned in response.
"Really honey?" She paused to step in closer to him, placing a hand on his chest and practically purring. Rather appropriately, she thought. "Because I'm fairly certain the pants were half the reason you begged to come along so prettily."
"And the other half was the neckline." He mumbled under his breath but she heard him anyway – and grinned.
"I heard that." She smirked and tapped the ears on her head. "Not just a costume you know – it's not like I wear it for kicks. Well I mean, I could if you wanted me to later darling. But they scan the auditory centers of your brain and increase your hearing. And the tail has its uses too." He chuckled at that and blinked down at her.
"Really? That's brilliant." He reached a hand up to touch the ears and she smacked it away before turning and walking back up the hall, taking a left and then another right while he trailed behind her. She could practically hear the cogs in his head turning as he tried to figure out what exactly her tail did. She'd have said something to him had he asked, but he was happy enough contemplating it – and quiet enough – and she didn't really mind him staring at her arse at all.
She paused by a door, staring down at the screen in her hand. "Damn it." She cursed quietly. "Two guards – one from ahead and one behind." She scanned the area on the map before reaching behind her to snag his sleeve and tug him along a few meters to another doorway. Her tail twitched, and a red light shone for a moment before she was pulling him into the small supply room and shutting the door behind them.
"Oh, is it sonic? River – did you just – is the tail actually-" She held a finger to her lips and glared at him, staring anxiously at her screen as the two blips indicating the guards moved toward one another. She jumped when she felt his hand brush against her bum, looking over her shoulder to see him bent over at the waist inspecting the tail. Oh, that man. She tried to push his hands away but he was surprisingly quick, picking the tail up and stroking one hand down it while the other twirled curious fingers around where it was attached to her pants.
She shivered, glancing back at the screen when she saw the two blips in the corridor just standing next to each other about ten meters from their hiding spot. Pressing her face to the door and ignoring the Doctor for a moment, she twitched a cat ear and inwardly cursed when she realized they were stopping to have a chat.
She glanced behind her with a sigh to see the Doctor actually crouched down now, playing with the tail. He'd found the controls for manual operation now and was scanning things and grinning with delight as he read the results. "And it's silent!" He hissed under his breath and she sighed, dropping her forehead against the door.
"You are a giant child." She muttered, but she suspected he heard her because he stood suddenly, pressing himself into her back as his hands slid across her hips and his face burrowed into her hair until she could feel his breath on her neck.
"Just keeping myself occupied while those blokes out there have their little nosh session." The words were quiet – so quiet in her ear and she could feel his breath against her nape as she shivered against him. His hands gripped her hips a fraction tighter and she felt her back arch until she was pressing back into him. "Why Doctor Song, you naughty kitty." His lips brushed against the skin of her neck and she could feel his smile there.
"Doctor…" her voice was a breathy whine and she felt his tongue dart out to taste the skin below her ear while his hands slid around the front of her stomach, pulling her against him more fully as she gasped aloud.
"Shhh." It was a whisper that tickled her skin and she turned around in his arms, pressing her back against the door to look at him. His hair was in his face, and he had that slight grin that he often wore whenever they flirted or did other things. He leaned forward, pressing tiny kisses to her neck and jaw until he reached her ear. "I don't think you're being inconspicuous enough, River."
She moaned a little at the sound of her name, pressed into her skin like a secret. She loved the way he said it – always had, always would she suspected. He spoke it like it wasn't a name. He said it like it was a benediction. She reached her free hand up until it was tangled in the hair at the back of his head. "Oh shut up." She pulled him forward until his mouth met hers and then no sound escaped them aside from occasional hums and breathy sighs. She loved the taste of him – always so sweet, it reminded her of sunshine and honey and it was more addictive than she could ever properly explain. Her mouth opened under his and she bit his lower lip gently, running her tongue along it while his hands buried themselves in her hair.
When she finally broke away, she moved her mouth down his neck, tasting him there even as her hand slid down to grip his bowtie tightly. One of her legs lifted, wrapping around the top of his thigh so she could press herself against him greedily. His moan was slight, but she heard it and ground against him harder while she bit the muscle in his neck. He gasped, his hands sliding down her arms and gripping her there tightly while he pushed back, panting. She grinned up at him smugly. "Whose inconspicuous now, sweetie?"
"You are so very, very bad. Why do I like that so much?" His question was rhetorical of course, but she leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek anyway. Waving her PDA in the air, she smiled.
"I think we're alone now." She dropped her leg, pressing against him as she pushed them off the door before turning around and opening it. She slipped out into the hall, and he followed a moment after, adjusting his braces and fixing his shirt while she grinned. "Come on, Doctor. The quicker we finish this, the quicker we're back in the Tardis." She winked over her shoulder at him as he hurried along behind her. "I'll even keep the outfit on for you."
His hands pushed at her back as he rushed her down the hall. She laughed softly at his quickened pace, pulling him off to the left where a door stood with an impressive looking keypad to the left of it. She plugged her PDA into it, running a decrypt program and he stood behind her keeping a look out. The doors hissed open and she slid into the room stealthily, sticking close to the walls and avoiding the cameras until she could disable them.
The Doctor moved in behind her, but stumbled as the doors closed behind him and plunged the room into absolute darkness. She bit her lip, hitting the button to light up her screen just in time to see him trip over a brass statue in the middle of the room. His arms and legs flailed about for a moment but he just managed to catch both himself and the statue before they crashed to the ground. "Doctor." She hissed disapprovingly and he shot her a sheepish look as he righted the statue again.
"Well a little warning about the lack of lights would have been nice, River." He glanced around the room as she crept under the camera in the corner and made quick work of it with her sonic.
"Fine. There's no lights. Happy now?" She spoke in a normal volume and he looked at her, scandalized. "Oh what? It's a sound proof room. I've disabled the security protocols and fed the camera feed on a loop – we're as safe as we can be with you in any given room." She paused, scanned the room quickly before turning back to him. "You can use your sonic now, sweetie."
"Can I use yours instead?" She laughed as he pulled his own out anyway, scanning around the room quickly and walking over to her so he could read the results by the light of her screen.
"Maybe later." She teased and he grinned for a moment before looking up.
"It's over there." He pointed and she grabbed his hand, turning her screen outwards as they stepped carefully through the dark. Well, she stepped carefully; he walked without care behind her, almost knocking over three more priceless artifacts. "Why are we stealing this again?"
"It's not technically stealing it if it was stolen in the first place, dear." She smiled as she came to the open display of small daggers. The one they were looking for was left of the center, and she scanned the display before moving toward it.
"Oh are we Robin Hood now? It's okay to steal it if it was stolen first?"
"Well we are going to give it back to its original home world. Part of their history you know, I was hired by the curator of their National Treasury. Supposedly this dagger was ceremonial – used in all the coronations of their kings. They blood let the old ones. Guess they didn't believe in waiting for the previous king to just die naturally." She spoke absent-mindedly as she read the results of her scans, attempting to formulate the best plan to remove the blade. "Okay now there's-"
He was already reaching out and grabbing the blade eagerly though, running his fingers along it and studying the carved jewels in the handle. A loud siren started, and she glared at him, wondering if they could just take some time to stop so she could slap him. He looked up in surprise.
"- pressure sensors, you idiot!" She finished her sentence and he looked apologetic, but she ignored that, snatching his hand instead and running across the room to the doors. She hit a few things on the way out, but couldn't care less at this point. There wasn't a need to be stealthy anymore – just a need to run. He soniced the doors open and they burst out into the well-lit corridor.
"Halt!" The shout echoed down the corridor and she looked to the left to see four guards running toward them. The Doctor's hand squeezed hers and pulled her to the right as they ran, turning down corridors seemingly chosen at random, but she knew well enough to know that the Doctor had memorized the schematics before they'd left, and just followed her earlier for the view.
"They're catching up!" She gasped the words out and shots were fired behind them as they ducked and turned the corner.
"Faster, River, run!" The words were shouted over his shoulder and she was stretching her legs as far as she could – her sides aching painfully as she ran behind him, her hand gripping his tightly.
Their footsteps were loud, but the thundering of the guards behind them was louder and she laughed as her heart pounded harder in her chest. Finally they rounded a corner to the glorious sight of the Tardis, tucked away in the corner of a room, unnoticed. The Doctor pulled her ahead of him, releasing her hand and snapping quickly before shoving her through the open doors and following right behind her.
She was at the controls before he'd even fully closed the doors, typing in the coordinates for an empty moon in the Drahva system. The Tardis shook with the force of one shot before she pulled the lever and dematerialized them. When they finally landed silently, she braced her arms on the console, out of breath and panting. She looked over at the Doctor, who was grinning foolishly and leaning against the door, inspecting the dagger they'd stolen. Not waiting to catch her breath, she stalked down the stairs and over to him.
"You knew there were pressure sensors, Doctor. You did the same scans I did." She grabbed the blade from him and slid it into her utility belt before she pulled it off her waist and dropped it on the floor next to them.
"Oi! That's priceless to your clients you know." He admonished her and she glared at him with her arms crossed. "Of course I knew. But what fun is it if we just sneak in and sneak out, no near-death experiences or running to be had?" He frowned petulantly down at her and she rolled her eyes. "Besides which, River, you do look lovely after a good run. All flushed and…" He waved a hand over her still heaving chest and she smacked his arm sharply.
"I didn't even have my gun. You knew that you daft old man!" He grinned and reached forward, pulling her in to his frame with his hands on her waist.
"Just made it that much more exciting, honey." His tone was wheedling and she found herself grinning despite her anger. It did lend to a certain level of exhilaration, she thought. And clearly he was rubbing off on her. "Come on. You know you loved it." His voice was smug as he saw her grin and she smacked his shoulder half-heartedly before lifting her face for a kiss, which he happily provided.
She pushed him against the door, quickly stripping him of his tweed and pulling his braces down and his shirt up. Her hands were eager and his own were roaming across her shoulders and back, down to cup her backside while one hand traced along her tail. She broke away from him with a smile. "Okay sweetie, do you want to play with my sonic now? It has special settings." She dropped her voice over those words and his hands stilled as he looked down at her with a huge smile.
"Near-death experiences, adventure, dress-up and toys? I have the best wife ever." She laughed and grabbed a fistful of his shirt in her hand before pulling him along down the hall of the Tardis.
"And don't you forget it."