I know! I haven't been around much! It's not because I haven't been writing! (Have I ever been writing! LOL!) BUT because I am at FIC NUMBER 99. So I wanted to do something special for #99 and #100. Because I'm a dork that way. When I realized I had never posted this fic here, I decided to make it #99 and its COMPANION FIC (which no one has read because I am still writing it...) will be #100. And in order to actually make myself do this I am going to start posting this here. Finally.

Part One

Year One

Albus Severus Potter and Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy had nothing in common, except the fact that their parents had saddled them both with horrible names, and the Sorting Hat placed them both in Slytherin. During their first year at Hogwarts they barely noticed the existence of one another. Albus, after all, had relatives and friends in every House and therefore wandered the castle freely. He spent most of his time in the company of his Hufflepuff best friend, Harry Ebenezer Lawrence Longbottom, whose name was so atrocious that everyone had taken to calling him by his initials. Thus it was that Al and Hell were always together, Slytherin and Hufflepuff.

Scorpius was just as firmly attached to his own best friend, Bleys Zabini. By the end of their first year, the two were considered by their fellow students to be the Yin and Yang of evil—Bleys dark-skinned and exotic, Scorpius pale and wraith-like, both seemingly soulless, and yet with such charming personalities that adults couldn't help but second-guess themselves and cut the winsome pair plenty of slack.

Between the double pairing of Albus and Hell, Scorpius and Bleys, the teachers at Hogwarts had much with which to contend. Al and Hell were pranksters in the tradition of the infamous Weasley twins, while Scorpius and Bleys cut a swath of torment through the students with every illegal act imaginable. They sold homework cheats, potions, amulets, charms, and restricted spell books. Nearly anything was available for a price, and yet the slick Slytherins were rarely caught. Scorpius became so adept at pretending sterling innocence that by his second year at Hogwarts he was firmly stuck with the sardonically bestowed nickname of Pious.

Pious found it highly amusing.

Year Two

Al Potter and Pious Malfoy both made the Slytherin Quidditch team. It was expected that at least one of them would make Seeker, considering their fathers, but both were selected as Beaters, possibly due to their single-minded determination to send Bludgers at each other's heads during tryouts.

Quidditch practice was largely spent with Potter and Malfoy trying to injure each other. The Slytherin Captain became adept at separating the two, although he was secretly pleased at their increasing accuracy. Their rivalry seemed to have little to do with personal conflict. Away from Quidditch, the two seldom saw one another. Al had been raised with stories of the wicked Malfoys, mostly passed down from his Uncle Ron, and Scorpius remembered his father's tone whenever he heard the name Potter. It was nothing personal.

Both were competitive enough to keep their differences off the pitch during games, and the Slytherin Quidditch team soared to victory during their second year.

Year Three

During their third year at Hogwarts, Al Potter and Pious Malfoy made several interesting discoveries. Al became interested in two things—girls, and pulling pranks on Pious Malfoy. The pranking began shortly after a particularly brutal Quidditch practice, when Malfoy's Bludger knocked the wind out of Al and nearly sent him spiralling to the ground. The interest in girls came naturally.

Albus went out with every girl that struck his fancy, ploughing through the four houses like he was running an amorous marathon. He became known as the King of Snog. None of the girls could hold his attention for long, however. He would pursue them, snog them, fondle them improperly, and leave them begging for more. The process usually only took a few days. Not a single relationship lasted longer than three weeks. The shortest on record was held by a Slytherin girl who merited one twenty minute snog on the dungeon steps before Albus declared her a substandard kisser and dropped her like an old sock.

She wept for three days.

Pious Malfoy might have discovered girls, but if he did it was not publicly known. Due to his constant companionship with Bleys Zabini, most of the student body assumed he had no interest in girls at all. The girls who might have considered finding out for themselves were warned away by a persistent rumour. Stories abounded that Pious Malfoy would arrange a date with a girl, drug her, drag her into the Forbidden Forest for a night of debauchery and sadistic rituals, and then cast a Memory Charm on her to keep him safe from discovery. Most girls were too terrified to risk it.

Albus Potter, of course, had started the rumour. It was only fair, he rationalized, to get even for the touching.

Second year was also when Pious Malfoy discovered that Albus Potter hated to be touched. Unless he was snogging one of his momentary flings, Albus did not like people touching him. At all. A careless hug or possessive grip on his arm was instant grounds for dismissal from Potter's person. Everyone close to him suspected it was the reason Al's relationships were so short-lived.

Pious exploited Al's little phobia to the best of his wicked ability. When he wasn't draped over Bleys, he was touching Albus Potter. Pious would give Al friendly punches on the shoulder, gentle pats on the cheek, or sharp smacks on his arse, or-Pious's personal favourite-a chokehold arm around Al's neck while he leaned close and nuzzled Al's throat. Regardless of how hard or soft, lengthy or brief the touch, the result was the same—a shout of rage and a flying hex, spell or fist.

Pious became adept at sneak attacks and Shield Charms. Al became a master at listening for the soft whisper of footsteps and avoiding all areas large and dark enough to conceal a lurking body.

"Fucking ponce," Al would mutter as he rubbed his backside, sore from a pinch in the crowded hallway. Hell would nod in commiseration and make a suggestion for their next trick on the blond Slytherin.

"Bloody lunatic," Pious would mutter as he rubbed his jaw, sore from a Potter pounding. Bleys would roll his eyes.

"Why don't you just leave him alone?" Bleys would ask.

"Do you not recall what he has done to us? Our robes turned pink in Potions class! We had flashing 'I'm an idiot' signs on our backs. Our pastries exploded at the breakfast table. Our ties were charmed to act like snakes for an entire day. Potter must pay, and since the thing he despises most is a hand on his lily-white skin, then, by Merlin, I shall provide that hand until he begs for mercy."

"That sounds really pervy," Bleys commented.

"Shut up, Bleys."