Zwei mit einem Geheimnis (Two with a Secret)
NaPolA: Before the Fall
A Friedrich/Albrecht fanfiction
I stumbled up the stairs of Albrecht's "house". It was really more like a palace. My head was dizzy with fatigue and alcohol and it was no less than a miracle that I had even gotten off the couch where I had passed out for two hours. I wasn't even sure if these were the right stairs (the house had about seven separate staircases) but I didn't really care. All I wanted was a bed, something soft to lay on and to sleep for God knows how long.
I tripped on the last step and stumbled with a loud thud. I was able to catch myself but just barely and I soon wished I hadn't, welcoming the coolness of the polished wood. Had I fallen, I probably would not have gotten up. But I kept on my feet and continued down the hall.
I turned the handle and opened the door to which I could only guess was the guest room. I wasn't sure, but my suspicions were confirmed when I saw the silhouette of Albrecht's small figure on the far bed. My senses instantly sharpened, clearing the haze in my mind. The last thing I needed was to make a fool of myself in front of Albrecht, especially after what had happened earlier that night.
I was truly disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I couldn't say no. That I didn't have the power to stand up for Albrecht against his own father. I had seen exactly what he had to deal with and now I knew that I had to be there for him. Even if he was angry with me I didn't care. I had to stay by his side or no one else would.
"You're still up?" I asked Albrecht who sat on the bed reading from a small journal by the light of moon. He did not respond or even acknowledge my presence. Shutting the door, I walked across the room. "It's like 1 a.m." Still silence. "Aren't you tired?"
"I was waiting for you," he said quietly but with a harshly bitter tone that stung me deep down.
"I wanted to make sure my father didn't kill you with praise and schnapps." He did not look up from his book. I could tell he was attempting to mask his anger. I don't know why he always insisted on bottling his emotions but it was extremely frustrating. But despite his tone, I smiled, seeing that he really did care about me more than he wished to admit. God, he's just the sweetest thing…
The moon glistened in his blue eyes when he glanced up for a brief instant. He quickly reverted his eyes to his book to avoid my gaze. I could tell he was hiding something. Hopefully it was the same thing I was.
"Albrecht," I said as I approached the bed. "You know I didn't want to hit you…"
He turned the page and continued to read. "Na klar."
"Then would you stop being mad at me?"
In frustration, he slammed the book closed and tossed it aside. "I'm not mad at you, Friedrich." He hung his head and said quietly as if he were embarrassed; "I could never be mad at you." He blushed gently in the darkness. I could barely tell, but it was there. "I'm mad at my father…and myself." He looked up at me as I came and sat down on the edge of his bed. "Why can't I be better in my father's eyes?" He questioned. "Why can't he see me like he sees you? He looks at you with such pride and admiration the likes of which he can't even give his own son. How does that even make sense? I just don't understand…" Tears began to form in his eyes which forced him to stop there.
"Hey." I saw his emotions slowly slipping so I moved to comfort him. I laid a gentle hand on the side of his face. Albrecht's breath caught. He looked up and our perfect Aryan-blue eyes met. Right then I caught just a flicker of the boy's soul. The things I saw there were shockingly dark. Sadness, anger, sorrow, but also fear. What is he afraid of? I thought. "Your father may think I'm perfect, but I'm telling you right now that I'm not. There are things about me I'm sure that if your father knew, he would not respect me half as much…" such as the fact that I'm in love with his son… "I can't even begin to understand the way he treats you because to me, you're the perfect one, Albrecht." Suddenly I was no longer afraid to pour out my soul to this boy. This was my chance to tell him. I took it. I couldn't keep this from him anymore.
Albrecht's eyes shone in a way that was beautiful beyond description. It nearly killed me inside.
"Friedrich," he sighed through a smile. He blushed beneath my touch as my thumb gently stroked his cheek.
I leaned down over him and took him into my arms, holding him close around the waist. I felt Albrecht breath deeply. Gently, but not reluctantly, he draped his arms around me neck. The touch of his small, fragile hands on my back was soft and sweet. Longing, but cautious. I could hardly stand it. I didn't know why things had to be the way they were. Like why we had to be afraid of the emotions we had for each other. Why us? I wondered. Why couldn't two other future Nazi soldiers feel this forbidden way about each other…but then again, I wouldn't want it any other way. But this was all assuming that he felt the same way. Up until now I wasn't certain of his emotions towards me…but now I was sure. I knew. I could tell by the look in his eyes whenever we were together, by the way he touched me. And by the way he buried his face into my neck just then.
"You know I would never hurt you," I whispered, tightening my hold around him.
"I know." Albrecht squeezed me back and ran his soft fingers through my hair savoring its inviting feel and I savored his touch.
"Albrecht," I pulled away just enough to allow myself to look into the ice blue eyes of the boy I loved. "Do you think that what we have is more than friendship?" Perhaps it was the alcohol that had made me so bold as to ask him that straightforward, but if that was the case, thank God for booze.
He was shocked, simply staring back at me, unsure of what to say. I tried to seem confident but the silence was killing me. I could see in his eyes he was searching for words to say, but then I think he realized he didn't have to say anything. He pulled me down and covered my lips with his. I kissed him, just like I had always wanted and I think this was what he had always wanted too.
We pulled away for just a second to make sure that this was real, and when our lips met again, it was more intense than before, filled with emotions that had been suppressed for far too long.
I moved to position myself directly on top of him and leaned down, kissing him full on the lips and trapping him between me and the sheets. However, he didn't seem to mind. His hands grabbed desperately at my shirt, pulling me down closer and making me want him more.
As my hands moved from his neck down to his chest, my desperate fingers swiftly undid the buttons of his shirt and caressed the soft skin beneath. At the same time, my tongue found its way past his lips and explored his perfect white teeth. He pushed back against me even harder.
I allowed him just enough space for him to sit up and slip off the silky material of his night shirt, but our lips barely lost contact for more than a second. I pushed against his bare chest, ordering him back down. He complied.
Each touch, each kiss was filled with suppressed feelings, emotions and lust. There was no holding back anymore.
The skin on his neck was warm and inviting beneath my lips and nose. I loved to be this close to him, to listen and feel his breathing. His heartbeat was like a sweet, sad song that I never wanted to end. That was the moment I realized I never wanted to be away from him ever again. He let out a long, ragged sigh.
All those nights I had laid awake just watching him sleep so far way in the bed beside mine. Not tonight. All those times I had to pretend I liked girls and bite my lip to avoid saying something stupid. Not anymore. Having a massive crush on your best friend in an all-boys school where it was forbidden to have such feelings for another boy was torture. But now I knew that Albrecht understood that and I was no longer alone. He wrapped his arms around me and held me closer.
He gasped, but I, intent on kissing his chest, barely noticed.
"Friedrich," he whimpered.
I stopped. I heard in his tone that something was wrong. "What?" I looked at him with great concern. The tears in his eyes worried me. "What is it?" I brushed the side of his face softly as if to wipe away tears that were not yet there. He grabbed my hand and held it, as if for dear life.
"Why?" I shook my head, not understanding his sudden change of mood. Or perhaps it was not so sudden. He always did seem to be looking over his shoulder. Distant...like he was afraid of something he couldn't quite put his finger on. "What's wrong?"
He shifted and sat up. He looked down for a few moments before meeting my gaze.
"Friedrich, they kill people like us."
I practically flinched at his words. I knew perfectly well that we could be shipped out on the next train to a concentration camp if anyone found out. Or more likely killed on the spot. I didn't care. I was falling in love with Albrecht and I didn't bother stopping myself. I knew that this was undeniable, so if we could potentially die for this I wanted to make it count. "No one has to know." I said finally, laying a hand on his leg trying to get him to relax.
I leaned over and kissed the side of his neck to reassure him that everything was ok. It seemed to convince him pretty well because he resumed kissing me and soon removed my shirt. I silently gasped at his feather-light touch.
Laying him back down on the sheets, I held his shoulders and kissed him gently, but then he spoke again.
"Friedrich, promise me." His hands were clasped around my neck. I pulled away to look at him.
"Promise you what?" I asked.
"Anything." His lip quivered. His expression...oh how it broke my heart. Then I knew that I could not fix the damage that had been done to him. But at least I could try to understand and ease some of the hurt. He was scared. He needed something solid, something sure. Something he could count on…me.
I took his face between my hands and our eyes locked. "Albrecht, I promise you, I will always love you and I will never let anyone hurt you." And it was the truth. I wanted nothing more than to always be with him, to love and protect him. He was just so fragile and delicate. I couldn't trust him with anyone else.
And from then on there were no interruptions, just love. My breath quickened as his hands slid down my chest and lingered at the waist of my pants, a silent request that I didn't hesitate to answer. Our pants joined our shirts on the floor. All the while we whispered "I love you"s and covered each other with kisses.