A.N. This just will not die. Thankfully. For those of you who came in late (or are too lazy to start reading from the beginning – Sarah vs The Fan Fiction, a shameless plug), this is earlyish season two, and somehow it became AU.

Don't ask me how. I just put them in Witsec. Foolishly, I left them alone for twelve hours, and they did the rest themselves.

So Chuck and Sarah are secretly dating. OK, ready? No? Well, stiff. Here we go...

I don't own Chuck et al.

Tuesdays are quiet in the Burbank Buy More. That is never a good sign.

Chuck contemplated seeing if he could nip the brewing problem in the bud. Not that he could actually see a problem budding.

It was quiet. Thus, there was a bud, and somewhere it was budding. QED.

It didn't matter. The problem would find him. Somehow, they always seemed to. See? Jeff and Lester are sauntering back from the break room. Chuck contemplated burying his head in his hands. It wouldn't stop anything, but he might feel better. Their conversation came within earshot.

Jeff was saying "...she told me I had to see this really good film."

Chuck thought the pause could be described as pregnant. But then, with these two, maybe that particular description wasn't a good idea.

Lester regarded his larger associate. After a moment he prompted "Does this film have a name?"

There was a slight delay. "Something Borrowed" Jeff was finally able to admit.

"OK, is that "Something something Borrowed?" or "Something something Borrowed?"

"Uh... wait..." Jeff's face fell to its natural expression since Lester had perplexed him with a complex question. Oh alright, a question.

Morgan came in with "The Borrowers? I loved those books."

Chuck decided he'd had enough, and left them to their own devices. It would be safer over at the yogurt shop. He didn't quite run.


Sarah beamed as he came into the shop. "Chuck! Hi." She paused, a look of concern passed over her expression. Chuck was here early. Normally he had the discipline to only come over at lunch. Something must have happened.

"Did you fla…."

"I hit my Jefster event horizon a little early today. I just needed to get out of there" he pointed his thumb over his shoulder "The natives are bored. And so, I thought I could escape the disaster before it splats" he thought for a moment before adding "Maybe the CIA could set me up as a wealthy playboy in the south of France, Rome even, as a front. I could have the pick of the top agents" he looked significantly at her "by my side. Day and night. At least I wouldn't have to deal with the Buy Moron twins."

Sarah smiled sadly at him "You'd have to be a field agent for that" and then she brightened with a pleasant thought "Oh, but since you're here, you can help me with something" she smiled, leading him to the freezer.

Chuck followed her as she led him down the stairs into Castle "Sure. What's up?"

"I just need your height. I can't reach the copy paper on the top shelf of the supply closet."

"Oh, OK."

He failed to see her one-sided smile. God, he was so loveably innocent sometimes...


Chuck allowed the huge grin to spread as he crossed back over to the Buy More. They were lucky this was a CIA base. That meant there were shredders everywhere. And so they were able to destroy the ream of both blurry (and yet, at the same time, very explicit) evidence the photocopier had begun shooting out when one of them had inadvertently hit the 'copy' button.

At least it hadn't been the fax button...

That would be a distinct way to resign, faxing a copy of your freckle to a General...

He was very pleased he'd decided to duck out. Except he now had to go back. Oh, well. Let's see what they've done now...

It actually looked OK. Jeff and Lester were still in conversation at the herd desk. There were no police cruisers, news helicopters or sexual harassment lawyers circling the store. But the day was young and Chuck had confidence in the inhabitants of Buymoria.

The conversation at the nerd desk had segued. But then, they always seemed to somehow…..

"…. kidding me. Royal wedding? Been interviews, and TV movies for months. Twelve hours of live TV…." emphasized Morgan, slightly dumbfounded.

"Nope" Jeff sounded mildly proud.

"You have no idea that the future king of England just got married?" Morgan reiterated, just to be sure.

Jeff shook his head. And then something happened. A stray thought got lost, and wandered across his mind. A dangerous place for a young though.

"How do you become king, then?" Jeff asked.

Morgan knew this one, he seen a movie about it "The lady of the lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water. Signifying by divine providence, that…." he had a slightly misty eyed expression. That was before….

"Listen, tosh" interrupted Lester "Strange women lyin' about in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive…."

"Quiet!" misty eyed Morgan was gone.

"…power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical aquatic ceremony. You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you."

"Shut up!"

"If I went round, sayin' I was an emperor just some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away" continued Lester, backing away from Morgan.

"Will you shut up!" cried Morgan, advancing towards a retreating Lester.

Lester fled past Chuck crying "Now we see the violence inherent in the system. Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" his last words coming from the direction of the break room.

Chuck stopped Morgan with a hand to his friend's chest, and shook his head.

"Bloody peasant!" declared Morgan.

But just then, Jeff had had a revelation…..

"Wait! …Was that the thing with the girl with antlers?" Jeff wanted to know. He never found out, since Chuck and Morgan had adjourned to the home cinema room.


Casey made the third turn in the past minute. The grunt he made had a bad number.

"Great. We've been made" Casey growled.

"Quick, pull over" decided Sarah "Dump the car, we'll find an alternate"

"The Vic? Uh, uh. I'm not dumping….." but he was pulling over.

"Fine" she looked over to the back seat "Chuck? You're with me" as she got out. Chuck followed. Sarah leant in through the window "Fine, park your precious car. We'll advise when find alternate means. Quick Chuck, come on" as she took his hand leading him down the street.

Earlier in the day, Casey had pulled Chuck unceremoniously, and also unnecessarily violently, over to the Orange Orange. The General appeared on screen and told them of the theft of high tech ordinates from the secure holding of a government contractor. The grainy camera footage was little help. These guys were pros. No visual clues, and only spoke in code. The code was what triggered the flash.

They were Fulcrum. Now armed with a rather fancy smart bullet. From the way Sarah had explained it to him, Chuck thought of the bullets like something like that scene from The Fifth Element.

"Isn't that sort of cheating?" he'd wanted to know.

Casey seemed to agree in principle, but at the same time didn't want to be seen agreeing with his idiot asset, and tried to spin a line about 'giving an edge to an agent.' "A level playing field is the last thing an agent wants."

Sarah watched Casey struggle with his pride for a bit, before he uttered "Real spies don't need them."


Sarah and Chuck ran up the sidewalk. They cut through a back lane, emerging in time to see the target vehicle turn, and pull up across the street from them. Sarah pulled Chuck in tight, holding him with his back toward the baddies. While pretending to whisper sweet nothings to her tall companion, she advised Casey, via Chuck's earwig, of the situation.

That fact that Chuck was shivering in a frenzy of goose-bumps from having Sarah breath anything into his ear, did not prevent him from copping a feel. He could hear her smile as she continued to report. Once the last baddie disappeared into the small club, Sarah deactivated coms for the moment, and gave Chuck a blistering kiss

"You bad boy…." She said encouragingly over her shoulder, as she sauntered saucily away from him, casually reactivating the coms.

The small club had a cover band playing. A bunch of white boys playing some pretty good blues, to be honest.

Their mission was to determine and follow any contacts Fulcrum had, so this was a observation mission. Not that that ever stopped any Team Bartowski missions from evolving, judging on past experience.

Casey found them mingling in the crowd. "I put a tracker on their vehicle" he told them.

"These must be the buyers" Sarah indicated using her elbow. Chuck grinned to himself. In his Stanford days, he and the guys had used the same gesture to indicate a pretty girl without being too obvious.

"They're breaking up" noted Casey, as the buyers and Fulcrum suspects separated.

"We can't use the Vic, they might had told them about it"

"Chuck could be right" Sarah advised Casey when it looked like he wasn't happy about having to leave the Vic.


When they got outside, the new baddies were already getting into a car. Sarah and Casey looked around for a suitable replacement for the Vic.

"Hey, guys" Chuck was standing beside a car, with the drivers door already open.

"You've gotta be shitting me!"

"Chuck, it looks like a police car" Sarah tried to explain. She was right, it looked like an ex cop car, with the band's name painted on the sides.

"It's not like we have a lot of options at this time" Chuck said as he slid into the car, indicating the new target vehicle turn right at the corner.

Chuck found himself with Sarah's blonde mop in his lap, as she hotwired the car. Casey climbed into the back seats with a further "You gotta be shitting me!"


Perhaps Sarah and Casey had been correct. A police car, driven by a civilian asset was quickly identified by the new baddies. And also by a passing patrol car.

"Uh oh"

"What!" demanded both Sarah and Casey.

"Um, we have company" Chuck admitted flicking his eyes to the mirror.

"Crap" said Casey looking out the back "We gotta loose them!"

"What about the buyers?" Chuck wanted to know. He didn't want to loose the opportunity.

"Forget them, we still have the original vehicle tracked, and the exchange hasn't happened yet, so we still have a chance" Sarah tried to calm Chuck.

Casey didn't help by announcing "Another cop car."

"We can still lose them, turn here" said Sarah.

"If this was a real cop car, we could at least listen in on the radio" commented Casey, still facing the rear "Another two cars" he added.

"Uh, Sarah? Can you grab my phone? Rear pocket" Chuck lifted a cheek "Thanks. I… uh…. kind of added an app that'll let us scan police frequencies…"


"Right! No! Your other right!"


Chuck's phone squawked - We are in high speed pursuit. Northbound on Burbank Boulevard, black and white 2004 Dodge sedan with Illinois plates. Request assistance

Sarah and Casey exchanged glances.

"Be alright if we could just get back on the expressway" groused Chuck, at the wheel as they careened around the lot.

"This don't look like no expressway to me!" Casey commented as they zipped up another aisle of the mall's open air parking lot.

"Don't yell at me" Chuck shot back as debris slid across the dashboard.

"What you want me to do, motor head?" Casey retorted. Sarah held both hands on the dashboard to keep from landing face first in Chuck's lap as he took another corner, causing the car to cock its hind leg.

"Well, try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer some ... constructive criticism?" countered Chuck

"You got us into this parking lot, pal. So you get us out." Casey really wanted to fold his arms to prove his point, but needed to hold onto the Jesus strap over the door. Both of them.

"You want out of this parking lot? OK."

Sarah had a feeling that Chuck's answer was awfully decisive, and was going to lead to a fun debrief.

If they ever got to the debrief. The glass doors to Large Mart looked awfully close...


"Will there be anything else?" the check out girl asked.

"Yes" Jeff responded, holding up a Grover plush doll with a leer "Do you have a Miss Piggy?"

Shortly there after, the (possibly former) police car that had been borrowed by a joint CIA NSA black ops team, and fourteen legitimate ones drove up the aisles of the Large Mart.

"Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?" said Casey as he sat back up, glancing out the rear window.

A.N. II Oh, and yeah, I know 'Something Borrowed' was not in the cinemas in 2008/9 – when this would be set – but I overheard this conversation in a lift the other night...

And the same anachronism with the royal wedding. I offered it to our favourite ninja librarian, but her idea is much better – and quistie64 seriously knows her Python. Do not challenge her like it was the Spanish Inquisition...