Summary: Dean's POV after his last meeting with Castiel at the end of 6:20 The Man Who Would Be King and he must make hard choices. / Angst/big brother!Dean (Possible spoilers for 6:20)
Tags/Warnings: Spoilers for 6:20, Do Not read if you haven't seen the episode!
Disclaimer: I do not own 'em, nothing made but a way to relieve immense stress after very emotional episodes.
SPN SPN SPN SPN
I'm doing something that I haven't done since my brother was probably sixteen years old. I'm watching him sleep.
Oh, I know I should be asleep but after finding out that the anti-Angel wards Bobby put up around his house won't do spit to keep one out I don't feel much like sleeping. I tried to do research. I scoured a few dozen books to figure out a way to stop what was going on but for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about tonight and…Sam.
I knew, some deep part of me knew that Crowley hadn't brought my little brother back from the Cage. He'd have no damn reason to and maybe that's when I should've begun to suspect something but no, I ignored it all because if I'm blind to one damn thing it's family and I really got blindsided this time.
Leaning in the doorway of the room Sam and I've always shared while at Bobby's I watch my brother, the little brother that I raised, that I sacrificed everything for, sleep on his stomach. He's upset and trying to hide it for my sake but like I told Bobby once, what don't I know about this kid? I know when Sam sleeps on his stomach like he is now that he's one of three things: sick, scared, or drunk.
In this case, I can rule out drunk but the other two? Yeah, I know he's the other two because I still feel sick at what we learned tonight and I'm scared of how this will all play out in the end.
Except for Bobby, I never let many people get close enough to us to hurt us. I'd felt that pain before and I never wanted Sammy to know it so I tried to keep us distant from people. That worked up until now. Up until we were betrayed by the one person I let in and who the hell knew you couldn't trust a goddamn Angel?
I'd personally put the ward up in our room so I know on instinct that Sam's safe but I'm not taking the chance now that both Cas and Crowley know we're onto them. Cas…damn, that still sticks in my gut. The guy that brought me outta Hell, the one who sided with us when all of Heaven wanted us as meatsuits for two feuding Archangels, the one Angel I trusted…and he's working with the new goddamn King of Hell.
It took a lot for me to see it. I mean, after the whole Eve/monster thing in Oregon both Sam and Bobby were trying to tell me but I refused to see it. He was our friend, he was a freakin' Angel but still my Dad didn't raise no fools. I was a hunter and I still had the instincts of one. Those instincts were screaming lately but it wasn't until Cas innocently made a comment that I knew he couldn't have thought of on his own that I knew. I knew he'd been watching us without us knowing it and then he dropped the ball.
Working for Crowley? Okay, I could get it. He wanted to win this war in Heaven so maybe that might justify him cozying up with the demon to get souls to power his war. Would I like it? Hell no but if he'd have just come to me, talked to me instead leading us around like fools it might've been different. But what pissed me off more, what ruined it was when he looked at my brother tonight and gave him that age old 'I raised your from perdition' line.
He gave me that line right after he brought me back but in Sam's case, something went wrong in the translation since when he brought Sam back, he left his soul behind…and that's when it hit me and it hit Sam. Cas brought my little brother back but took his soul for his damn war. God, I still remember the look in Sam's eyes when that hit. The pain, the shock…the hurt in those huge puppy dog eyes that he still has…if I would've had Holy Oil in a bottle I would've Molotov'd his ass outta my life.
Hurt me, fine. Betray me, betray my friendship, fine, but the one damn thing you do not ever do is intentionally hurt my little brother and let me find out about it. I thought if anyone knew that it would've been Cas but I guess I thought wrong.
I wasn't sure if Cas got out of the house we left him in when that wave of demon mist appeared or not until he showed up downstairs earlier. I tried to reason with him, appeal to the guy I've always known but then he floored me by asking what I'd do to stop him. Huh, not even Sammy hyped on demon blood ever asked me that and I guess we finished as best as we could. I'd stop him any way I could because I wouldn't let him or Crowley get to Purgatory but there's something else. There's Sam.
My brother's mind is hanging on by a thin wall put up by Death to shield him from what he endured in that cage…though I wonder what else it's shielding him from now. It can fall at the slightest tear and I know how fragile that wall is since I've already seen him collapse from just a tiny nick in it. A full break could cause him to lose his mind and that's not something I'm willing to allow.
I'll stop Cas and Crowley any way I have to because I know it's only a matter of time before someone from one side or another comes after my brother. I'll risk death, I'll risk demons and Angels, I'll risk those damn mutts from Hell again…hell, there ain't much I won't risk except for one thing and that's Sammy. I can't lose my kid brother again and especially not over the betrayal of someone we trusted.
Hearing the bed squeak, I watch him flip over until he was on his side when I notice what he's been clutching in his sleep and I feel that damn lump forming in my throat even as my eyes burn. I'd seen Sam digging in the trunk a few days earlier but he'd never let me see what he'd been after…though I guess I should've guessed.
I haven't worn my old leather jacket that once belonged to our Dad since the day in Stull cemetery. I suppose it hurt too much since it reminded me of losing Sam to that whole in the ground. After we got back together, I didn't wear it because I knew there was something wrong with my brother. Since he got his soul back, I just haven't had time to dig it out. I suppose Sammy found it and much like he'd do as a kid, he was holding it as he slept.
"Get some sleep, Sammy," I whisper, not wanting to wake him as I pull the blanket that he'd tossed off the bed back over him and slip what I take from the pocket of my jeans into the jacket pocket closest to his hand. "No matter what, I'll stop Cas and keep you safe because once this is done we're through with angels. It's back to the old Winchester family tradition of hunting things, saving people. Just the two of us, little brother," I tell him, running a hand over my eyes to get rid of the burning and glad he was sleeping through the chick flick crap.
Making sure he was sleeping alright and that the room was safe, I stretch out on my bed with both the demon killing knife and the one Angel killing blade we had at easy reach. "Trust me, Sammy. Big brother will always be here and no one's tearing us apart again."