Kimi ni todoke
The doctrine of love
The day I saw Kazehaya walking side by side with Kuronuma Sawako was the most dreadful day of my life. I saw him smiling to her, while walking hand by hand on the street and my heart broke. I could think about nothing, while tears were flowing from my eyes. It was raining and I had no umbrella, while the two of them were shoulder to shoulder under a single umbrella…
I loved Kazehaya as far as I can remember. It was not some superficial love, I knew for sure. I could do anything for him, until now. I was not even capable of showing him my love, because I was afraid… I was afraid he will go away from me; so I kept the distance.
Someone told me that love is all about timing and now I think it is right. I lost my chance, when Kuronuma Sawako appeared in his life.
I lost. I know I did. I fought till the end, I cried my soul out and I am still crying. But I can not do anything about it. I can not break a relationship as theirs.
I know they love each other. And I love Kazehaya; it's unrequited love.
I wish I hated Kuronuma Sawako. But I don't. I keep telling myself that she is ugly and awful. But she is not; if there was not Kazehaya in our lives, I know we could be friends. But now, we could not. Because, even though I like her, I can not be friends with her. While seeing her face, I remember only how much Kazehaya likes her.
And that hurts me really bad…
I was walking down the street, while watching the cherry blossom. It was Sunday; tomorrow, school started. School where I could see Kazehaya and Sawako. It was something I did not want to, but I had to. It was my last year of high school.
But, still, what was I thinking? I could not let myself defeated so easily. Yes, I did lost Kazehaya, but it did not matter, as long as I could go on with my life.
But, what means my life without him? All I've done, all this time, was to think about him and to persuade everyone to go away from him. I laughed, even though I was alone on the street, I didn't cared. I didn't have any friends. All I've done this summer was to hang out with my sister, when she did not have any plans and to cry.
I cried so much that I don't have any tears anymore.
'Oh, it's a pity to do that!' I heard a voice coming from the back so I have instantaneously turned around to see the one who talked to me.
I could see a tall guy, with black hair and a pair of dark green eyes. I didn't know him, but his voice was comforting, almost sweet…
'I beg your pardon?' I asked in an acute voice, being as arrogant as I could be.
'You shouldn't sigh. It doesn't match your appearance.'
What was this guy saying, really?
'It does not concern you weather it matches my appearance or not.' I said angrily, turning around, wanting to go away from this weird guy. I turned around only for a second and saw his face; he was still smiling.
'And you're not right; it matches my appearance, but it sure doesn't match my attitude! Moron!'
He was still laughing while I walked away, sulky.
I did not notice, then, that the guy made my thought of Kazehaya go away. All I've done, that night, was to think about the imbecile from the park.