Hanabi's 'Sheldon Wants A Baby' Challenge:
Prompt: As a joke, Penny tells Sheldon that she wants to have his baby. But she's shocked when Sheldon not only agrees but shows her plans to live with her and raise their child. He even provides kindergarten options and monetary plans for Penny and their child - and even a plan to conceive a second and possibly third child.
Challenge: Include this line: "I'm happy, but you don't like me."
Leonard was out with Priya, and the others were playing Halo. Raj and Howard were on one team, with Penny and Sheldon on the other. Naturally Penny and Sheldon were kicking butt. As she destroyed Raj for the final time, she did a little victory dance.
"Yay us, Sheldon. We make such a great team." She said gleefully.
"Well, with my superior intellect and your tomboyish skills we do have the perfect skill-set for success at Halo."
Penny narrowed her eyes at him, irritated that he once again mentioned her lack of femininity. Then she got an evil glint in her eyes. "Yeah, with that combination; your brains and my brawn, can you imagine what an amazing kid we could have?"
Howard choked on his drink, and Raj's eyes were cartoonishly large. Sheldon's reaction, however, was the only one that Penny was interested in. He stared at her in shock. A victorious smirk started on her face, but Sheldon's expression changed. He ran appraising eyes over her, lingering on her hips.
"Indeed, Penny. I believe you have made an excellent point. Wait here."
While Penny stood there in shock, waiting for the Bazinga, Sheldon went to his room. Her eyes sought the other guys. "What the hell just happened here?" She asked.
The other two could only shrug, as lost as she was. Sheldon returned, waving a handful of papers. "Here, Penny, a questionnaire regarding family history with prospective progeny in mind."
Penny frowned at the paper. "This is the one that you had Amy fill out when you two were talking about having a baby." She stated.
"You are correct. Is in unacceptable in some way?"
"Hell, yeah, it's unacceptable. You're giving me a second-hand Baby-mama questionnaire."
"'Baby-mama'? Really, Penny, to use such crass terminology when discussing something scientifically sound…."
"We're talking about a baby, Sheldon, not science." She heard the words resound in her head, and gasped. How were they seriously discussing this? She had to nip it in the bud. "And you know that your Mom will not….."
He interrupted her. "I had already considered that. Should conception occur, we will of course have to wed."
That stopped her cold. "But…but where would we live?" She asked; her voice small.
"Here in the beginning, it's only a matter of time until Leonard and Priya decide to cohabitate. Later, when Sheldon 2.0 is older…."
Now she cut him off. "Oh hell no, we are not calling our child, assuming it's a boy, Sheldon 2.0. Sheldon, junior maybe, although …." She trailed off, once more hearing herself. What the hell?
"Very well, if you feel that strongly about it. I suggest that you get a physical and then we can get you set up at the lab for impregnation."
Finally, a way out. "Lab? Not happening, Sheldon."
"Ah, I see. Coitus." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Excuse me, intercourse." He looked at her with a different kind of appraisal in his eyes. "Natural conception, no naming the offspring Sheldon 2.0, wed upon conception… very well, I agree to your terms. I still think a preliminary physical would be prudent. Also, you understand that you must not consume alcohol during the pregnancies."
"Everyone knows that it's …pregnancies?"
Howard and Raj, who had been stunned witnesses to this entire exchange, both gasped.
Sheldon shot them a dismissive glance. "Of course. Scientifically, children with siblings are higher-achievers. We would want Sheldon 2…Lee perhaps…to have every possible advantage."
She blinked. "Of course we'd want the best for him or her."
"Speaking of advantages, I understand that it's quite important that we select pre-schools early, to ensure the best possible choice. I will, of course begin research on that."
"And we'll want to check out the best school districts when we decide to get a house."
"A condo might be…"
"Kids need yards, Sheldon."
"I will defer to you on that issue."
"Damn right…." She trailed off again. How did she keep getting sucked into this? She studied Sheldon. She had to admit, she'd thought about him sexually. After all, he was tall, good-looking and smarter than anyone she'd ever met. But she'd never thought of him as a potential father to her kids. She thought about it now. He'd never let them want for anything, and he'd never strike them, she was absolutely certain about that. She doubted he'd even yell at them; she'd have to be the disciplinarian.
She wasn't sure how a relationship or marriage with Sheldon would work, although she knew he would never cheat on her. The big question now was sex. Would Sheldon be able to get his beautiful mind around the idea? Being able to agree to it, and actually do it were two completely different things.
She bit her lip. "There is one thing, Sheldon, before this discussion goes any further."
"Oh? And what might that be?"
She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned into him. He leaned away from her.
"Yeah, thought so," she said smugly.
His eyes narrowed, and his hands clamped onto her hips to prevent her pulling away. He held her eyes as he leaned down to peck her on the lips. "No, Sweetie," she murmured. She stood on her tiptoes, and brushed a kiss across his lips, and then a more lingering one. His hands tightened on her hips, then splayed cupping her hips, his fingertips brushing her bottom.
As he got into the kiss, his hands slid up her back to cup her shoulder blades. After several moments, he pulled away gasping for breath. "Okay there, Sheldon?" She asked quietly.
"I believe so." He gave her a questioning look. "Are you?"
He raised his eyebrows at her response. "In what way?" He didn't realize that he still held her even as his arms slid down to encircle her waist..
"Well," she replied. "I'm happy, but you don't like me. Or anyone, really. Not this way."
"I see. It was not an area that I chose to explore. But, under the circumstances, it will be a necessary…I was going to say evil, but that's hardly accurate. It was quite pleasant. I have little doubt that our contradictory skills and experience levels will work in this arena as well."
She tilted her head and gave him a look out of the corner of her eye. "Oh?"
He gave the same flirty look that he had given her the first day they'd met. "Yes, I believe so."
It was at this moment that Leonard walked in. He stopped short at the sight before him. Howard and Raj on the sofa, gaping silently at Sheldon with Penny in his arms. The couple who were the object of all the attention was oblivious.
"Uhm, guys, someone wanna' catch me up here?"
Howard blinked and then a smirk spread over his face. "Oh, Sheldon and Penny are having a baby and getting married."
"Yeah," Howard continued, eyes twinkling madly. "Sheldon junior, or maybe Lee, do you like Lee? Well, the baby can call you Uncle Leonard. Won't that be nice?"
Raj spoke. "Perhaps Penny is correct and they will have a girl."
Leonard blinked at Raj in shock. "You can talk in front of Penny, now?"
"No way, dude, but she is not paying any attention, she might as well be somewhere else."
"Bu…bu…but…." Leonard stuttered. "When did all of this happen?"
"Oh, it's happening now." Howard offered.
"Yeah, they're almost done negotiating terms, but I think they're going to start trying real soon."
Leonard relaxed. "Oh, this is just one of Sheldon's Bazinga's."
"No, I don't think so." Howard said. "Oh, there's movement." Penny had slid from Sheldon's embrace.
"Oh, hi Leonard. When did you get here?" She asked him pleasantly.
"Uh, just a few minutes ago. So, Penny, anything new?"
A smile blossomed on her face as her eyes sought Sheldon's. "Nothing you'd care about, Leonard. Sheldon, Honey, I'm going to back to my apartment now. Do you want to walk me home?"
Sheldon opened his mouth to ask why she would need him to walk her a few feet, when the light dawned. "Of course, Penny. I would be happy to." He opened the door, and guided her across the hall. Leonard watched in shock as Penny opened her door, and Sheldon followed her in. The door closed with a resounding click. Then what sounded like a body hit it. Leonard jumped in surprise.
"What the frak?"