"Put the gun down," I tried to say as calmly and rationally as I could, slowly tip toeing towards her.

"I want to hear you say it!" The gun shook in her hands. Her eyes were welling up with tears. Alec was about to explode. However, I didn't think she'd do it. She wouldn't...

As I opened my mouth to begin explaining myself, I felt pressure, and something sent me to the ground. The impact of my head hitting the floor almost left me unconscious. She shot me in my ribs. She shot me…

She belted out and her voice echoed through the large, abandoned warehouse. Her feet pounded against the ground as she walked towards me, and she fell to her knees by my side.

"Why did you do this to me!" She yelled hysterically. "I thought I could trust you Nikita…but you betrayed me. You're just like everyone else in my life. And you and that damned Division took away the people I cared about most."

I was holding back tears at this point and it made the pain in my ribs worse. I felt myself bleeding. The blood was soaking through my clothing.

"And you made me think that my revenge was on Percy but it is you! Just how Michael wanted revenge on Kasim." She took a breath. Her words were thick with hatred. "Some stains you just can't clean out of the carpet Nikita" Her tears hit my vest, and it felt as if she had shot me again. It hurt that much.

"I'm so sorry Alex," I wanted to say. "I can't take back what I did, but I want to change, I do. I want things to change." I felt my body shutting down. I was bleeding too much at this point. It was obvious that I was going to die there in that lonely warehouse with Alex.

There were so many things that I wanted to tell her, to explain. I wanted to tell her how hard it was to look her in the eyes when she'd talk about her parents. It was hard to watch her struggle especially with something we had in common, drugs. I understood that lifestyle, and to think I put her there was unnerving. I thought I could fix it all.

Even though I pulled the trigger

I took orders…from Percy

Everything I was told to do….was Percy…Division…

I wished I could take it all back. And once I finally decided to escape it was hard to live with the fact that I did so many things that ruined people's lives. Everyday I was clinging onto the coattails of life trying to decided whether or not to end it all here or make up for my sins…

Alex I tried…I really did. But truthfully I didn't want to think about what would happen if I did not succeed in making things right.

I had been dancing in fates ballroom trying my hardest to follow my own beat. Yet, fate kept me in its path and fate led me to this…

Alex I do care about you and I did not want to take advantage of you. You are like my sister and I had no one in my life like that…ever.

I woke up sick to my stomach in the middle of the night thinking about what I had done. You trusted me so much and it crossed my mind that I should have never let you into Division.

I never told you my story…

And you probably think that I don't trust you…

Truth is I was scared

Scared that this would happen or that you wouldn't see me in the same light

If you knew…

If you knew half of the things I did Alex…

I never got a chance to say these things to her. I felt myself drifting away and her too. She no longer stood above me and I faintly heard her talking.

"I have her here…yes she's…dead."

I'm sorry…so sorry