Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Warnings! Underage Naruto (seventeen in this fic, Kakashi is twenty nine) overprotective!Minato, sex, language, AU, other things meant for the mature.
The Tyndall Effect
ix. terminal velocity
Love, carry me in, carry me in, held down by my words and the weight of my sins
cage the elephant
Kakashi felt like the world had just shattered around him. There was nothing more accurate he could coin to describe the feeling. Naruto was looking at him steadily with sad blue eyes, thoroughly debauched with kiss bitten lips and dried come still decorating his stomach.
He felt the unmistakable stir of arousal, but pushed it far away. The time for that was definitely over, the line drawn by the space so very apparent between their bodies. Kakashi frowned.
Naruto didn't repeat himself.
Kakashi swallowed, hard and sat up, like someone doused him in glacier-cold water. Naruto didn't move, arms hanging limply by his sides as he stared up, waiting, pensive.
The question hung like an elephant in the room.
He roughly pushed his hair back and out of the way to properly stare at his lover. "You're asking me if I'm in love with your father after I just fucked you? Really, Naruto, what the fuck!"
Maybe not the most tactile response, but his mind had gone to shit. His voice, usually calm and haunty, seemed almost foreign and hysterical.
"I'm not –I know what I saw, no fuck that, what I felt in those pictures. I cleaned the attic and found all these photos of you and my dad. I know he was your English teacher, I fucking –" Naruto's cheeks were colored a nice, deep red, like a perfect sunset that any other time Kakashi would have found endearing and beautiful.
"Naruto," Kakashi nearly choked on the softly spoken name, pain enunciating the syllabs, and he tried to reach out but the boy just put up a hand in an unneeded warning.
"I guess. I guess your silence, your unwillingness to answer the question kind of," Naruto chuckled drily, "says what you can't. You're with me, because you can't have him, and that is so despicable, Kakshi. So fucking low. I cared about you, I –"
More wiry laughter. "Still care about you, like some kind of dumbass. It's funny." The blond was moving away from the bed, picking up clothes and stuffing them unceremoniously into his arms, Kakashi practically glued to him. Something like dread began a steady climb in his gut, because Naruto was walking toward the bathroom.
"Where are you going?"
Naruto didn't respond until he was fully clothed, looking far too tired as he came out, remnants of water clinging to his suntanned skin from the sink. A frown was etched heavily into his bruised lips. "I can't do this. I can't be a replacement."
"You're not," Kakashi argued back, finally getting a bit of sense back into his muddled brain. "I wouldn't be with you if I didn't fucking care."
Naruto just rolled his eyes. "Oh man, you sound so convincing."
"Fuck off, Naruto. Forgive me, if I'm a little blind sighted. I've never had someone use me for sex before dropping an emotional mind fuck on me."
There was an immediate shocked gasp, and Kakashi mentally had to laugh, because this was turning into the biggest drama in his usually mundane, overly boring life. It was completely ridiculous. Naruto rounded on him, throwing a finger in his face, snarling. "Use you for sex? You're unbelievable. I thought I knew you, I thought I could trust you."
Naruto didn't continue even though he looked ready to lay Kakashi out. Instead, he stepped back and schooled a blank expression, which worried Kakashi more. He wanted to react, to do something but he knew the boy. Anything he said would be ignored in favor of a fight. So he didn't say anything.
Kakashi lay back down, not quite comprehending what had just occurred.
He needed a cigarette, badly.
He found one, thanks to Asuma. It was nearly two in the morning, but did Kakashi care? No, not in the least. Asuma was to his left, cigarette dangling from his lips, cheeks flushed a healthy red from the massive amounts of alcohol they had both consumed that evening. Kakashi himself probably looked a wreck but he didn't have the heart to look in a mirror. His hair hung down, limply falling into his eyes but he didn't bother pushing it away. His fingers were curled around a shot glass like someone was going to take it from him.
Asuma let out a deep, throaty chuckle. "Women," he chided, leaning back on the stool at the bar, dangerously close to toppling over. Kakashi wasn't sure he had the reflexes to catch him. He was pretty sure they had fled back with his sixth shot of tequila.
Naruto wasn't a woman, but Kakashi was far too gone to correct him. He tried to say, "fuck yeah," but it came out more of an angry gurgle.
More rumbling laughter from the other man, his large hand clapping Kakashi on the back roughly, Asuma's eyes crinkling in mirth.
A happy sort of euphoria that only alcohol could bring. Kakashi figured that's why he never wanted to drink. He never wanted true happiness, no strings attached.
He blinked, hard. Opened his eyes to see the bar top doubled, spinning a little.
"You, uh, uhhh, Kakashi. You wanna go home? I can, y'know, I can probably do that. I'm, haha, I'm aware."
If Kakashi was in his right mind, he would have said, "no." Instead he said, "Let's go before I puke on my shoes."
They stumbled, somehow, out of the bar and into the alley connected. Kakashi immediately fell against the filthy bricks, breathing in greedy gulps of air. Asuma was holding onto his shoulder like he would run away.
"Fuck," Kakashi gasped, wetly.
"Yeah, we could do that," Asuma conceded, his other hand coming up beside Kakashi's head.
Kakashi shook his head, blinking again, closing his eyes. He saw blond hair. Asuma did not have blond hair. "No, no, no."
"Alright," Asuma nodded sagely.
They shakily walked down the street, between them deciding Asuma lived closer. Asuma had Kakashi cradled against his shoulder, his head tucked into the older man's neck as they swayed into the lobby, making for the elevator.
"Shit, shouldn't of fuckin' drink so much," Asuma grumbled.
After about twenty minutes of fumbling for keys, trying to figure out how the keys worked, attempting to break into his apartment, remembering how the keys worked, throwing Kakashi onto his couch, Asuma had passed out on the floor.
Kakashi was left to stare, dazed, at the ceiling. Speech was coming back to him now, so he tried to work his mouth around words, even though Asuma was practically dead to the world. "Shouldn't, fuck. Shouldn't have said nothing. Why? Fuck you. I don't, you know I don't."
And then he passed out, drool forming into his open mouth before slowly trailing down.
Naruto smiled into Sasuke's stark, crisp pillow when the boy stared down at his gray cardigan in annoyance, long, pale fingers coming up to brush off the one piece of lint his roller missed. God, what a hipster.
"You're such a hipster, S'ke," Naruto chided, amused. Glancing at the rest of Sasuke's attire, he could only roll his eyes. A white v-neck perfectly fitted underneath the sweater, dark, slim fitting jeans and stylish dress shoes to top it off. On Sasuke's porcelain face was a pair of overly large, thick rimmed glasses that he certainly didn't need. Naruto scoffed, not sure whether he should burst out laughing or throw up.
Sasuke shot his best friend a glare, adjusting his glasses in his overly used floor length mirror set against the wall.
"Excuse me for having style," he muttered, a faint blush highlighting his already prominent cheek bones. Naruto could only giggle in mirth that he didn't deny the accusation.
Instead of further humiliating the one he called a best friend, Naruto rolled over onto his stomach, bunching up the comforter under his chin. "I can't believe you're taking Sakura out on a date. Like, I can't even –it just doesn't compute. I thought, at the very least, our positions would be reversed."
Shoulders immediately tensing, Sasuke spun around, his eye brow raised in confusion. "You never said anything about liking –"
"No, about… you. I, well, I mean. Don't be offended, seriously, but you just scream –"
"Gay?" Sasuke finished with a low growl, fist clenched tightly by his side. "I think we should drop this subject, Naruto."
Naruto felt embarrassment creep in, and it was not a good feeling. He had a habit of putting his foot into his mouth at times. This was one of those times. Luckily, he could defuse Sasuke as easily as he had riled him up. He conjured a bright grin, holding up his hands in surrender. "Sasuke, you know I didn't mean it like that. Being gay isn't a bad thing, not a disease. Jeez."
"You didn't come to my house to just be annoying. Tell me what happened or make yourself useful," Sasuke grumbled while fixing his watch. He gave Naruto the Uchiha Eye from the mirror.
The blond sighed loudly as he tended to do when he didn't want to really tell Sasuke something even though it needed to be said to make him feel better. Sobering up and sitting cross legged on the massive bed, Naruto met Sasuke's gaze in the mirror as the Uchiha carded his hands through midnight black hair, trying to give it an edgy, effortless look.
"I think Kakashi might be in love with my dad, and also, I slept with him again. And then we had a fight –he didn't say much so I left. "
Naruto's voice didn't hold the usual amount of enthusiasm. Instead, his static tone sounded much too defeated to be Naruto. Sasuke frowned, trying to hurry and process the information. He spun around, hands unconsciously clenching by his sides.
"You know I hate when you do that." Sasuke didn't continue. He looked at Naruto pointedly, walking over to the bed to hover over the younger teen.
Gulping and picking at the thread lose on his pants, Naruto tried desperately to avoid eye contact. He was afraid of what he was going to see in those deep, obsidian eyes.
"Look at me," Sasuke commanded firmly.
Naruto did, sweat beading and sliding down his face.
"I'm not mad. I'm not disappointed. I'm just concerned."
Digging inside and clutching the ounce of courage he found, Naruto leveled his gaze with his best friend, seeing only furrowed eyebrows and worry.
"Sasuke?" Naruto starts, awkwardly, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. It was hard when his insides were turning into spaghetti, all tied and tangled.
The black haired boy's frown got heavier, until he was just about scowling, pushing Naruto out of the way roughly so he could take a seat. Their knees were touching, almost shoulder to shoulder, but Naruto didn't flinch away.
"Why do you think he loves your dad?"
Naruto stared hard at the pale blue of Sasuke's bedroom wall, trying to pull words out that weren't coming. "I found pictures. I jumped to conclusions. Confronted him, and he didn't deny anything."
His statement hung in the air, weighing them both down, stagnant.
"What kind of pictures were they?" Sasuke was openly analyzing him now, the skin under his dark eyes bunched up as he thought. Naruto smiled a little at that.
"I don't know. They weren't dirty, just. You know when something seems too intimate, like. Okay, say you walked in on a couple totally wrapped up in each other, but they weren't kissing or doing much of anything but the feeling of intruding is still there, because it's more intimate than those things. I don't make any sense, do I?" Naruto growled in frustration, hanging his head in his hands.
There was a small smile tugging at Sasuke's lips. He let it go and pressed solid fingers against his friend's shoulder. "I think that's the first time I understand perfectly what you're saying even when you don't."
Naruto blotched red, twisting his hands together in frustration and annoyance at Sasuke's cool behavior, like what he was telling him wasn't significant. "Are you trying to subtly tell me I'm overreacting?" His voice sounded a touch hysterical and he winced.
"What? No, you… you can't over react if it's what you feel."
Breathing deeper, Naruto nodded slightly in embarrassment. "I don't think that's entirely right but thanks. Maybe he was just kind of spooked or something. Probably, I shouldn't have slept with him first and then tried to have a conversation."
Sasuke's lips pursed, his eyes narrowing. "I'm inclined to agree. Talk to him."
Naruto turned to him with a bright, sunny smile, completely genuine. "When did you become such a good listener? You've been hanging out with Sakura way too much." Immediately after saying that, he felt bad. Why shouldn't Sasuke spend time with her, it's not like Naruto had been a great best friend since starting a relationship with Kakashi. He vowed to rectify that.
"I love Sakura," Sasuke said quietly, almost inaudibly. Naruto gaped at his closest friend. "But I will always love you more. Know this, Naruto."
Naruto felt like something was in his stomach, ripping up the delicate lining and leaving it feeling too stretched and caved open. "Sasuke…" If Naruto was a lesser man, he might have cried a little bit. And there definitely was not a tear in his eye. Sasuke opening up with icky things like feelings only came around once every blue moon.
So he had a perfectly good excuse for throwing his arms around the other boy's neck and hanging on for dear life. Sasuke smelled good, like fresh sheets and some spice and when deceivingly strong arms curled around his back in return, Naruto felt loved.
"Best friends," Sasuke murmured gently, cradling Naruto's head in his hands. "You can always depend on me. And Sakura. Family." We're your family, too, was left unspoken.
Naruto grinned brightly, pulling back to wipe at his (dry) eyes. "Thank you."
There was no awkwardness after their 'moment', like there would usually be if something like this happened arbitrarily.
Another few seconds wrapped in each other, and they pulled apart slowly at the same time. Sasuke looked down at him; his snowy complexion peppered in red. Naruto chortled to himself, thinking it had to be one of the cutest things ever.
Naruto stood up, flicking his eyes to his wrist watch. "Alright, I'm going home. I've monopolized enough of your time at the moment."
"Big word," Sasuke mocked affectionately, standing as well and spreading out the few wrinkles in his cardigan. "You can call me, if you need to later. Or text. Whatever."
"Will do," Naruto said, putting on his shoes and opening the bedroom door. "See ya."
Sasuke nodded, closing the door behind him.
When Kakashi woke up, it was like Hell on earth. His ass was buzzing incessantly, there was a ridiculous amount of noise coming from his left, his mouth was dry and had a horrible taste like an animal crawled in there and died, and his head and stomach were attempting homicide on his person. Or rather suicide. Whatever, he was in a state of 'hung over', which meant nothing had to make sense.
He scrubbed his face, getting that nasty goopy shit out of his eyes and sitting up. The world spun a little when he glanced around. Immediately he knew it was Asuma's apartment and last night came rushing back.
Feeling miserable, calling Asuma, going to a bar. Getting shitfaced. Asuma's hands on him, carrying him to his couch.
"Glad to see you're awake, finally."
Kakashi frowned, looking back to see his friend, a giant, steaming mug of coffee in one hand, chest bare, eyes weak and tired. "Where is mine and what time is it?"
Asuma seemed affronted, but gruffly answered. "I didn't make your ass any and it's eleven-thirty."Then he turned and headed straight for his bedroom, shutting the door with a loud bang. A couple minutes later, Kakashi heard the shower running.
Slowly, he got up, noticing he was still completely clothed and remembered his cell phone that he laid on all night. He dug it out from under his butt and noticed four missed calls and two texts. He prayed they were from Naruto.
He unlocked the device, shaking his head. Two calls from Minato. One from somebody he didn't know. Another from his job. He went to his inbox, sucking in a breath. A text from Minato. Kakashi rolled his eyes.
It said, we never talk anymore!
Okay, onto the next.
Kakashi's heart skipped a clichéd beat. Naruto. He checked the time before he opened it. It was last night's, around midnight.
It said, we should talk. I'm sorry I freaked out, please text me back.
Kakashi felt a sense of relief spread over his limbs, erasing their miserable, heavy feeling. He quickly typed an appropriate response, deciding they shouldn't meet at his apartment. A café would be good. Kakashi gathered his keys and headed out, knowing Asuma would understand. He was fairly certain he had unloaded a lot of repressed emotion on the man last night, along with enough alcohol for the entire city.
His eyes kept flicking to his phone as he briskly walked to his own apartment, hoping Naruto would text back so they could get coffee. When he reached his door, his relief had long since gone. Now he was nervous. What if the boy changed his mind?
Kakashi sighed, stepping into his home. Pakkun was at his feet, whining for something to eat. He had fed the dog last night, but the little pug was used to breakfast. Kakashi scratched its ears, laying his phone on the counter as he went to the cabinet.
He finished pouring dog food into Pakkun's bowl when he heard the distinct sound of his phone vibrating. He was on it in less than a second, opening the message like a fifteen year old girl.
His eyes devoured the lowercase words that read, "Be at that cheap coffee shop near your apartment –you know the one –at one-thirty. Meet me?"
Kakashi nodded to his phone before realizing he had to formally let Naruto know and that the other could definitely not see or hear him. He typed out yes of course meet you anywhere.
Except, he just wrote, "yes."
He should have said those things. He should have learned to open himself up, deal with his feelings instead of running away.
Jumping into the shower, he scrubbed his body down and washed his hair. He wasn't picky when he got to his closet, just threw on a plain t-shirt and some fitted, gray jeans. He grabbed his black hoodie from the chair and left as quick as he had come, noting that it was almost one. For once in his life, he wanted to be on time. Naruto was worth it.
Being early was something of a foreign concept to Hatake Kakashi. He sat in a corner, periodically checking his watch. He was exactly ten minutes early.
As the seconds ticked by, he finally got a taste of what waiting felt like. He hated it. Every time the door bell chimed he stuck his head up and hoped to see blond hair. Two minutes after one thirty, he got his wish.
Naruto walked in, instantly warming the already warm shop. His hair was mused, his jeans a size too small, and his plaid shirt loose around his waist. He looked amazing and Kakashi wanted him on his lap, right now. He controlled himself, trying to act nonchalant as the blond spotted him, trotting over with a sunny, somewhat fake, grin.
They cut right to the chase.
"Hey, Kakashi. Let me just start out with how sorry I am –"
He really did look too guilty and apologetic. Kakashi stood and enveloped him in a discreet hug. Friends hugged, right? Of course. And teachers occasionally hugged students, right? Probably. He didn't care.
Kakashi made sure his voice was as low as possible without being inaudible and kept Naruto close to him. "I was the one that was in love with him. It was wrong, sick really. But I couldn't help it. I don't feel that way now, just like he didn't feel that way about me then. We moved on – I moved on. Those pictures were nothing but platonic on his part. Nothing happened."
Naruto broke their hug, and Kakashi thought for a minute his heart might drop out of his ribcage, but Naruto didn't look disgusted, just curious. "I believe you. I do. I shouldn't have, I should have asked you and went about it like some whore. I'm so sorry."
"You're not mad," Kakashi whispered, much too soft to his own ears. His voice sounded far more vulnerable than he'd like.
Naruto looked half way between uncomfortable and nervous. "I can't be mad about that. You didn't want to tell me because you didn't want me to over react. Which I did. And you don't love him now. So I guess, we can just forget about it."
Kakashi took his hand and they sat down on the quaint little love seat by a window, their hands tucked tightly beside their thighs so no one could really see.
"Naruto," Kakashi murmured, squeezing. "You acting… not at all how I thought you would. Are you sure you're fine with it? This situation is so awkward."
Naruto nodded, laughing quietly. "Sure is. I'm not okay with it. Not going to lie, it bothers me. But I'll get over it, you're mine. Dad married mom. You don't love him, it's fine."
Kakashi knew they'd have to talk about it more, really talk about it in privacy where strangers weren't subtly trying to stare at them. Naruto was holding back, but they'd deal with it later.
"I missed you," Kakashi admitted. "It was hard thinking that you wouldn't be in my life anymore, that you hated me."
"Kakashi," Naruto admonished, turning his body towards him, eyes intensely blue in the soft light that bathed his features. He looked determined. "I could never hate you. Fuck, I –"
Naruto smiled sardonically. "I should, though. I was an asshole."
"I'm always an asshole," Kakashi replied automatically. "Don't worry about it. Let's get coffee and go home and lay around."
When they were in line, bickering about which drink was better (Naruto wanted the least manly drink in the history of coffee concoctions, something like peppermint mocha sprinkle something) that Kakashi realized how dependent he was on this boy, who had always been important to him, but now was the most important person in his life.
It was brain breaking. A little scary, but it felt right. Naruto had weaseled his way into his heart and there was no stopping the bubbling affection, the downright need to be close to him. Kakashi was covertly staring at the still youthful face, knew every crease and line while Naruto happily sipped his sugary drink. Call him obsessive, Kakashi probably was.
And to think of losing Naruto was inconceivable. He needed explain about the teacher he was with and then, the secrets on his part were out of the way.
He didn't think they'd ever get around to telling Minato and Kushina, though.
He shuddered at the very thought. If their relationship made it until Naruto graduated, they would have to face Naruto's parents eventually, and he knew, regardless, Minato would be furious.
Enjoyed it? I hope so. Thanks to everyone who PM'ed me, it's heartwarming to know that people care. I appreciate you all so much.