My first try at a Bade dialogue-only fic. Might be a little short cause this is new to me.

"Ever had sex on a trampoline?"


"I'm curious!"


"Want to?"


"Here, let me dumb it down for you. You fuck me on a trampoline. Is it that hard to understand?"

"First of all, language. Second of all, that's not what I meant."

"Then what the hell did you mean?"


"I'm not sorry."

"You're frustrating, babe."

"One of my skills."

"Anyways, what I meant was where are we gonna get a trampoline?"

"I know a guy."

"I'm afraid to ask."


"You're hurtful."

"Another one of my skills."

"So where are we going to put a trampoline? My yard's too small."

"We can put it in my yard and we can fuck outside."

"Sounds kinky. I like it."

"Wanna fuck right now?"

"Jade, what are you-"

"Just relax."

"Again, why did you do that?"

"Cause I wanted to. And you're my boyfriend, so I'm legally allowed to do whatever I want with you."

"What law says that?"

"The law made by people who aren't Canadians."

"Why do you hate Canadians so much?"

"Cause they're stupid."

"Am I stupid?"



"Only a little bit."

"I'll take it."

"You love it when I give you sex randomly."


"Cause I'm hot."

"And sexy."


"And cute."

"But I don't love you."

"Babe, I- What?"

"I don't love you."

"But I-"

"Calm down, Beckett. I was kidding."

"So you love me?"

"With all of my black heart."

"You don't have a black heart."

"I do."

"Do not."



"What does it take to shut you up?"

"A kiss?"

"What about more than a kiss?"

"..My kitty has claws."

"Beck, if you EVER call me a kitty again, I'll punch you in the face and leave you."

"..Sorry. But twice in an hour?"

"I'm a girl. What do you think's gonna happen?"

"Even when you're trying to get me to stop watching Full House you don't do it THAT much! Can I have this twice in one hour thing daily?"


"Aw, c'mon. You know you wanna.."

"Shut up."

"I love you."

"I hate you."

"You're inappropriate to five year olds. Just so you know."

"You look like a girl."


"You do!"

"Do not."

"Yes, you do."

"Do not."

"Your fish watch us when we have sex."

"No, they don't."

"They do, Beckett, you're just oblivious."

"I do not have voyeur fish."

"Maybe they learned from you."

"..Okay, that's a time out."

"You're not giving me a time out."

"I've done it before and I can do it again."



"You're just trying to make me sleepy so you can murder my fish in the middle of the night, right?"

"No. I'm just 'extra feisty' today."

"I like it when you're extra feisty, then."

"I do too."

"What now?"

"Wanna go get that trampoline?"

"Let's go."