The biggest Bouncer crack fic in history! Now I know you guys have told me never to buy crack from strangers, but then if I didn't, nothing would be funny. Oh yeah a disclaimer. Blah blah blah, don't own the characters, if I did, Mugetsu would still be alive and we would've gotten married. Blah blah blah, whatever happens to your brain, I am not held responsible. Blah blah blah, all the characters respectfully belong to their rightful owners, Squaresoft, Square Enix, Squarepants, Square root, and anything else with a 'square' in it. Ok, on with the story!
Sion, the most annoying character in the game, pranced around the bar, speaking the only language he knew. "Dominique. Dominique. Dominique. DOMINIIIIQUE!" Volt came over and slapped. "Did you know that Zell is my son? That boy doesn't love me because I left him with his mom." Kou mumbled to himself, before he took a swig from his Corona bottle. "His mom's been dead for the past 4 years." Volt informed Kou. "Then who the hell did I leave him with?" Kou thought loudly.
An old man walked to Zell. "It's time to play 'What's In My Pocket?"
"Ah man. We always play that game, Herbert. I don't win." Zell frowned.
"But I always win. Always." Herbert smiled. "Mmmmm."
Kou took another swig of his beer, before spitting it out. "GOD, they don't make the good shit like they used to!" He yelled, throwing the bottle at the prancing Sion, which knocked him out completely. "That's because I peed in it." Volt blushed in embarrassment. "Well, why the hell do you not use the bathroom? This was like the fourth time I drank your piss, man!" Kou yelled. "I'm-a scared. What is Mugetsu comes out of the toilet again, like he did last time?" Volt shuddered.
-1 week ago in a rundown county fair in the middle of nowhere-
Volt ran inside the portal potty to 'leave a message' and unzipped his pants. He was about to go when Mugetsu popped his head out from the hole. "I'M THE HOBO LIVING IN THIS TOILET!" he shrieked. Volt screamed like a girl and ran off. Next came Volt's girlfriend, Echidna to use the bathroom. "DON'T YOU DARE SHIT IN THIS HOLE, YOU HO!" He popped his head out again. "Tch. I ain't afraid of your skinny white ass." She replied and undid her skirt. "No wait. Be cool!" Mugetsu surrendered, but she ignored him and left a 'chocolate present' on him.
-Back to the future-
After story time was over and Kou had fallen asleep, Mugetsu walked in, holding a huge cup of Espresso. "I haven't slept in 14 days." Mugetsu's eye twitched. Volt screamed and ran off.
"Where's my sister? PD-4 suddenly walked in. "Who? Dominique?" Kou stirred from his slumber. "Yes! Have you seen her?" PD-4 eyes gleamed with hope. "Oh, we sold her for spare parts. I used the money to buy this here paddleball." Kou whipped out the paddleball and started playing with it. Kou laughed while he played. Mugetsu laughed with him as he stared at the red ball bouncing back and forth.
Kaldea, along with Leann and Echidna walked in the bar. "Who the fuck let you girls in the bar? Can't you read the sign?" He pointed to a sign that read 'No dogs allowed'. "Oops! Wrong sign!" He pointed to another that read 'Parking in rear. Deliveries up front.' (I don't know how you interpret this) "Dammit!" Volt scratched his head. "We aren't leaving until we see our strippers dance!" Echidna snapped her fingers. "Dominique?" Sion questioned. Mugetsu walked up to Sion and snapped his neck. "Cool! Who are the strippers?" Kou asked, but dropped his jaw when he found out who the strippers were. "Hey there, ladies!" The strippers turned out to be Wong in a leopard skin thong. Dauragon stood next to him in a red bikini. "I'm doing this to get into college." Dauragon blushed. Suddenly an upbeat tune started to play.
"CARAMELLDANSEN! My favorite song!" Sion sprang into action and started to dance the dance. "Why won't you die, Sion?" Mugetsu asked. The girls started to go nuts to the music.
And so the gang danced to Caramelldansen until they died. Sion, however did not die because every time I try to kill him off, he comes back to life.